In Your Eyes
by m. diddy
Summary: Seven moments in the Host from Ian’s POV. A series of one-shots exploring his thoughts on Wanderer, from first meeting her to her reinsertion.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** The Host belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am not making any kind of profit from this.

**A/N:** This jumped into my head while I was reading The Host a couple weeks ago and I just couldn't get rid of it. I don't know how often I'll be able to update this because _Impossible_ is my first priority right now but… well, I just couldn't wait around to write this. It was slowly taking over all of my thoughts, haha. It's just a series of one-shots from Ian's POV during certain moments in The Host. This first one is when they find Wanda wandering (harharhar) out in the desert. A lot of the dialogue is straight from the book, between pages 126 and 148.

**One**

What was Jeb thinking? I still couldn't believe it. First he had saved that… that _creature_ from death, and now he was leading it back to the caves, our home. He was going to let it see where we lived! Jeb had never really struck me as a sane man but this was just plain stupid, no matter what way I looked at it. Not only was it crazy and stupid, but it was completely reckless. Once that parasite had seen where we hid, it could tell the others. And once the other parasites, especially those fucking Seekers, knew we were here, this place would no longer be safe. We would have to leave again.

But that was assuming that the parasite would live.

"Why are you doing this, Jeb?" I asked after everyone else had left our little circle in the desert. "For Doc? You could have just told Kyle that. You didn't have to pull a gun on him." Especially when it was over one of those parasites.

"Kyle needs a gun pulled on him more often," Jeb muttered. I couldn't really disagree with this but I didn't think he should be turning on us, real actual people, because of one of those worms.

"Please tell me this wasn't about sympathy," I said, ignoring what he said. "After all you've seen…"

"After all I've seen, if I hadn't learned compassion, I wouldn't be worth much. But no, it was not about sympathy. If I had enough sympathy for this poor creature, I would have let her die."

"What then?" I demanded.

"Curiosity," Jeb replied in a low voice. I shook my head as he held out his hand to the thing, helping it up. I turned and ran after my brother, not wanting to spend any more time than necessary with the alien.

Once I reached Kyle and Brandt, I told them what Jeb had said. "I don't care how curious Jeb is," Kyle said as we walked back to our safe haven. "That thing has to die."

Brandt and I nodded in agreement. We wouldn't be safe until it was dead. It was a callous way to look at it but it was the truth. We had all seen what the buggers could do, had done, to our planet. We had all lost someone to _them_, had watched as they robbed their bodies of their true souls only so they could be replaced with pod people. It was _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_, but so much scarier because it was our reality. This was different, though. The body was only just recently taken, she had been with Jared and Jamie before the parasites got her. It was wrong to bring her back, to make Jared look at her and be reminded of what he had lost.

We reached the caves before Jeb did, mostly because he had blindfolded the _thing_ and now he had to guide her into the caves. Everyone must have been waiting anxiously for our return. They were all gathered in the big room, carefully avoiding the field in the middle and as soon as they noticed that we were back, they started to shout questions at us.

"Who was it?"

"_What_ was it?"

"Was it one of them?"

"Yes," Maggie said to whoever had asked that question. "It was one of them."

There was a moment of silence and every face in the room had the same terrified expression. Then they all started asking more questions, louder than before.

"Was it a Seeker?"

"Do they know we're here?"

"What is Jeb going to do with the body?"

Kyle's face twisted into an expression of pure hatred at that question. "It's still alive," he spat out.

This only made them angrier. "What do you mean, it's still alive?!" I heard Jared shout. His face was perfectly blank but I could hear the anger in his voice.

And that was when Jeb led _it_ into the room. Everyone was silent, glaring at it with hate-filled eyes. I watched Jared as his face went white, recognizing the body right away. This was wrong. Jeb should have just shot it out in the desert. He should have never put Jared through this. Or Jamie, for that matter. I did not want to be there when the kid found out about this. It froze as soon as it saw Jared, staring wide-eyed at his face. Then it did something completely unexpected.

"Jared," it said, its voice sounding very hoarse. It threw itself at him, raising its arms as if it wanted to hug him. We all watched in shock as it moved towards him but before it got to him, he reached out and hit it upside the head with the back of his hand. It fell on the floor and stayed there, whimpering softly.

Jeb shot him a dirty look before shuffling over to it. He held his hand out to her, as if he wanted to help her up, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the look Jared was giving him. He looked murderously angry, like he would happily kill it in one split second if Jeb would get out of his way. Jeb refused to move though, and finally Jared let out an angry sigh and stepped away from them. Then Jeb did reach down and help the parasite to its feet.

"What is he doing?" I heard Wes whisper. I shrugged in response.

"He should have just let Jared kill it," Kyle whispered. "This is just ridiculous. I can't believe he is being nice to that parasite. I mean, that's supposed to be his niece!"

"Maybe he's saving it for Doc," I whispered back. "Probably hoping he'll finally figure it out so he can have her back."

Doc pushed to the front of the crowd then and smiled. "Okay, okay, I'm here. What have we got?" he asked eagerly, probably wanting to get to work right away. His previous attempts hadn't been very successful and even though it tore him up, he was determined to find a way to take the parasites out of their human hosts.

"Jeb found it in the desert. Used to be our niece Melanie," Maggie answered. I noticed Jared wince at the name. "It seemed to be following the directions he gave her." She shot Jeb a dirty look, as if she couldn't believe that he would tell someone in their family about this place. I have to admit that, in that moment, I was pretty glad that I wasn't a Stryder.

Doc nodded, looking it over as Maggie talked. I noticed that it was staring at Sharon, recognition flashing in its eyes, and I had to wonder how many Seekers it had told about Melanie's family. Did they know it was here? Were they tracking it? Would they find us soon? Would we be able to fight them or would humanity's last pocket of resistance fall all because Jeb couldn't be cruel to what was once a family member? Doc reached out to touch its face but she flinched away from his hand. "It's okay," he said, smiling at it. "I won't hurt you." He reached for its face again and it flinched into Jeb again. This time, Jeb pushed it gently towards Doc and he gently traced a line from the jaw below its ear to the small scar left behind from the insertion. Jared watched with hatred burning in his eyes but I couldn't tell who it was directed at, the parasite in Melanie's body or Doc.

"She looks healthy enough, aside from some recent exhaustion, dehydration, and malnourishment. I think you've put enough water back into her so that the dehydration won't interfere. Okay, then," Doc said, doing that weird thing he did when he was getting ready to work on one of the parasites. It was almost as if he were getting ready to scrub up, even though it was totally unnecessary out here in the caves. "Let's get started."

Jeb sighed but didn't do anything to stop him as he held his hand out to it. It seemed to have caught on to what Doc was planning, though, because it clenched its fists and took a step back from him.

Doc frowned and then turned to my brother and I. I figured he would need us to help him get it back there. "Kyle, Ian?" he asked. We stepped forward, ready to handle whatever it decided to throw at us just so we could get it down the south hallway. "I think I need some help. Maybe if you were to carry –"

"No," Jared said firmly, his face pained.

Doc blinked in surprise. "Jared? Is there a problem?"

"Yes." Jared didn't elaborate though and we all stood there in confusion. Surely Jared wasn't trying to save it, was he? I mean, it had taken over the body of the woman that he loved! There's no way he could feel sympathetic to it after that.

"And it is?" Doc asked, looking as confused as I felt.

"I'll tell you the problem, Doc. What's the difference between letting you have it or Jeb putting a bullet in its head?" Jared asked, looking angrier by the second.

"Well –" Doc started before Jared cut him off.

"The difference is, if Jeb kills it, at least it dies cleanly."

"Jared," Doc said soothingly. He tried to voice what everyone was thinking. "We learn so much each time. Maybe this will be the time –"

Jared snorted, although his laughter was merely sarcasm. "I don't see much progress being made, Doc."

Sharon stepped forward, ready to defend Doc. "There's no point in wasting an opportunity! We all realize that this is hard for you, Jared, but in the end it's not your decision to make. We have to consider what's best for the majority."

"No," Jared snarled.

"Stop being selfish!" she yelled, jabbing her finger at his chest.

"No, Sharon!" Jared yelled back. "I can't let him do that! He'll just end up killing them both!"

Kyle and I both stepped forward, ready to hold Jared back so Doc could take the parasite. "And what would be wrong with killing it?" Kyle asked, throwing his opinion into the mix. "Everything would be better if it was dead!"

Jeb let go of it then and pointed his rifle at us. "Take a step back, boys," he said to us.

I scowled. "Jeb," I said, trying to reason with him, "You can't let Jared do this. You have to let Doc –"

We all froze as it finally decided to speak up for itself. "Jamie," it said softly. Jared was suddenly standing over it, his face a mixture of pain, worry and hatred. He was probably wondering how much it knew about Melanie's life, how much it had told the Seekers. I know that was what I was thinking about at that moment. "Jamie?" it breathed again. "Jamie?" Now this was strange. It actually sounded like it cared about Jamie, like it was worried that he somehow hadn't made it here or scared that he had been taken by its own kind.

Jeb looked back at it and said, "The kid is fine. Jared brought him here."

It looked at Jared, a grateful expression on its face, and whispered, "Thank you." I know I wasn't the only one who was confused by this. I had seen it a thousand times, the parasites would often do whatever they could to get their host's families captured just so they could be with them again. It was one of the strangest things about them; they kept their human ties long after they had taken over. So why would this one be happy that Jamie hadn't been taken yet? Wasn't that why it was here, to lead the Seekers to him so that he could be erased? It passed out then from exhaustion, falling over backwards quickly. Jared was the only one close enough to catch it (and the only one willing to touch it, as well), and he caught it before it managed to hit its head on the stone ground and damage Melanie's body any more.

Kyle advanced on it then, ready to rip it out of Jared's hands and finally end this but Jeb turned and pointed the gun right at Kyle. "Don't try it, Kyle," Jeb said, cocking the gun. We were all stunned into silence at this. I couldn't believe that Jeb was willing to shoot one of us over this _thing_.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought this. "What are you doing, Jebediah?" Maggie asked sharply.

"I'm stopping you from killing her," Jeb said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which, I guess, it was.

"Jeb, this is ridiculous," I said, trying to reason with him. "I get that you're curious, and that you're feeling sentimental because it used to be your niece but you can't just let it live. Even if the Seekers don't know that it's out here looking for us, what do you think will happen when it escapes? Because you know as well as I do that it _will_ escape if we let it live. It'll just find the Seekers and bring them here. You have to give it to Doc."

"That's a very convincing argument, Ian," Jeb said. He was still pointing the gun at Kyle but his voice was completely normal, like this was something he did all the time. "I'll take it into consideration when I decide what to do with her."

"When _you_ decide?!" Kyle asked, outraged. "Why should you be the one to make this decision?"

"This is my place, Ky–" Jeb started to say but Kyle interrupted him.

"This affects all of us, Jeb! When that thing escapes, it won't just tell the Seekers about _you_! And when the Seekers come here, to _your_ place, they won't just be looking for _you_!" Everyone seemed to agree with Kyle because suddenly they were all yelling at Jeb, some pointing their fingers while others gestured wildly. They all wore the same expression of anger and hatred. And they were all so loud; it was almost as if an explosion had gone off. I could only hear little bits through all of the noise.

"He's right! They'll come for – "

"How could you be so _stupid_ – "

" – is just plain wrong!"

"Just give it to Doc already, he can – "

" – you're being so _selfish_ – "

I leaned back against the wall and smirked. There was no way Jeb could get out of this. Sure, he had the gun but he couldn't shoot all of us… and we all wanted it dead. Yes, this was his place but it looked like he would be facing a full-scale mutiny if he didn't follow through with our demands. Well, I suppose he still had Jared on his side still but I'm sure he would get over that quickly. Don't get me wrong, I am not a cruel man by any standard. I am just trying to be safe. I could empathize with Jared; hell, we could all empathize with him. We had all been there for the invasion, had all watched as they took away our free will and slowly took over our planet. We had all lost people we cared about: parents, spouses, and family. We all felt that lost and we all felt awful for Jared now that we knew Melanie's fate. But that didn't mean that this could continue any longer. It was putting us all in danger. If that thing wasn't a Seeker, it would still try to escape and if it did somehow get out of here… well, I didn't want to think about the consequences of that.

It was at that moment that I realized that I couldn't see Jared anymore. He had been standing a few feet behind Jeb, but off to the side, holding Melanie's body after it had fainted. But he wasn't there. I did a quick scan of the room and didn't see him or the thing anymore. He had been so eager to save it, even though it wasn't his Melanie anymore, that he must have taken advantage of the fact that everyone was focused on Jeb and slipped out of the room. This was not good. I slipped two fingers into my mouth and whistled as loudly as I could. That definitely got everyone's attention.

"Jeb," I said, my voice deadly calm. I was trying as hard as I could to keep my anger from exploding outwards. "Where is it?"

Kyle looked around, noticing that it wasn't there already, and he just exploded. "Oh, this is just great! Did you let it escape already, Jeb?!"

"That's enough, Kyle!" Jeb shouted back. "It did not escape. You heard what Doc said, she was dehydrated and exhausted. Jared just took her off somewhere so she could rest. Do **not** go looking for her." He scowled at Kyle before turning to everyone that was gathered in the room. "Now, I suggest you all get back to doing whatever it was you were doing before this all started. Dinner needs to be cooked and I'm sure the corn hasn't been completely planted yet." He turned and walked down the corridor to the kitchen. A few people followed him while others went off to the fields but the majority stayed in the big room with us, just as angry as I was with Jeb's decision.

"This isn't right!" Kyle said. "He can't just let it stay here like it's one of us!"

"No," I said, agreeing with Kyle. "There's no way it will last long here. Either it will die or it'll escape."

"I know I won't be able to sleep, knowing that it's here," Brandt said, throwing his opinion into the mix.

"I can't stay here while it's here," Maggie said, sounding disgusted. A lot of people nodded their agreement. She looked Kyle, Brandt, and I in the eyes and then said, "I think everyone agrees with me here. You boys know what to do."

We knew then that she was asking us to find where Jared was hiding the creature and kill it. And we were all up for the challenge. Two of us would have to hold Jared back while the other killed it. He would put up a good fight, because it was Melanie's body and he loved her, but in the end he would agree with our decision, maybe even thank us. Because it wasn't Melanie anymore and I knew there was no way that he could ever possibly love what was inside her body now, especially now that she had taken Melanie from him. You see, that was the worst thing that these "souls" did, they completely erased the person whose body they were occupying. It was like they had died even though their body was still walking around. Melanie would never come back now that that alien was inside of her and the sooner Jared realized that, the sooner we could kill it and just move on with our lives.

We would have to be as discrete as possible while we looked for her since we didn't want Jeb to figure out what we were doing. We looked in all the obvious spaces, Jared's room, the "hospital," and even in the game room but we couldn't find them. And we had to do all of this while continuing our work in the field and making an appearance at dinner so that Jeb wouldn't get suspicious. By night time, I was really starting to get annoyed. All I wanted to do was go to bed without having to worry about if the Seekers would find us in the middle of the night and Jared was making this extremely difficult. He was a smart guy and I knew that if he didn't want to be found, he would be hiding somewhere good, somewhere that we would have never thought of.

It was like a switch had been turned on in my head, one that made me sick to my stomach. I knew where he was hiding her. I could only hope I was wrong because Jared couldn't be that stupid and yet… he must know it was the one place we wouldn't think to look. "Do you think he's hiding it in the storage area?" I asked Kyle as we made our way back to the small cave that we shared.

His face went white as he stopped walking. "He wouldn't be that stupid," he said softly, although I could see the realization dawning on his face. Of course Jared could be that stupid, he was desperate to save Melanie's body, no matter his disgust for the thing inside her now.

We rushed to Brandt's room and told him what we thought. Then we hurried down to the storage area, hoping against hope that it was somehow still there. The storage area was right near the exit. All it would have to do was overpower Jared, turn a corner and then it would be free. I couldn't think about what it would mean if we were too late, the single possibility that we _might_ be too late only made me walk faster. We turned the corner into the storage corridor and saw one of the lanterns by the entrance to the hole where we stored most of the perishable food. Jared was sitting on the other side but he rose when he saw us coming. So at least the thing hadn't escaped yet, I doubt he would still be hiding out here if it was gone.

"Ah. Here you are," Kyle said, sounding like he was greeting an old friend or something.

"We're not going to allow this, Jared," I said. "We've all lost somebody – hell, we've all lost everybody. But this is ridiculous."

"If you won't let Doc have it, then it's got to die," Kyle growled more than said.

"You can't keep it prisoner here," I said, trying to reason with him. I thought maybe appealing to his logical side would clear his mind and let him see sense. "Eventually it will escape and we'll all be exposed."

"Don't make this difficult," Brandt said. "It has to be done."

"We don't want to hurt you, Jared," Kyle said, trying to give Jared an out. We didn't want to hurt him over this thing, it felt wrong. But we would do whatever we could to protect ourselves and the other people here, even if that meant that two of us would have to overpower Jared and incapacitate him somehow. "We're all brothers here. But we will if you make us. Move aside."

Jared didn't move. His face showed only anger. "Jared… please," I said.

Instead of answering, Jared lunged and punched Kyle in the stomach before darting back out of mine and Brandt's reach. He was faster than us. We had known this was going to be difficult, especially if his emotions were still clouding his judgment. Brandt and I tensed, ready to grab Jared and hold him back while Kyle killed the thing inside the hole. But the parasite must have been listening to us because it screamed, "No!" Then it launched itself out of the hole. We all watched in horror. This was it. It was going to try to escape now. We couldn't let it get out of the caves, no matter what. We didn't know if there were Seekers already out there looking for it.

And then it did the strangest thing. Instead of bolting down the hallway, it stepped in between Kyle and Jared. It was like it was trying to protect him from us. We were all frozen in shock. We had never seen anything like this before, never thought that it would put itself in danger to protect Jared. But it made sense. Those little worms were smart, there was no doubt in my mind that it was just trying to manipulate us somehow. Kyle must have realized this too because he reached out and shoved it hard. It lost is balance and started to fall but Jared grabbed its wrist and yanked it back up. Then he dropped its wrist as if it had burned him.

"Get back in there!" he yelled. He shoved it, not as hard as Kyle had, toward the hole.

It stumbled back a step and then put itself in between them again, facing the three of us with its back to Jared. "I'm what you want," it said. "Leave him alone."

I couldn't believe this. It was willing to sacrifice itself so that we wouldn't harm Jared. It didn't make any sense. We expected it to try to manipulate us, to plead for its life or to even just take off and try to outrun us as it escaped. We did not expect it to offer itself to us so willingly, to be willing to sacrifice itself so we wouldn't hurt Jared. It must have been banking on our shock, maybe even expecting us to change our minds because it had seemed so good in that one second. It was manipulating us, although I couldn't see what its end game was. "Tricky bugger," I muttered when I realized that I simply couldn't see what its strategy was here.

"I said get back in there," Jared hissed.

It turned halfway so it could see Jared while also keeping us in its sight. "It's not your duty to protect me at your own expense." It was still trying to manipulate us. And yet… there was something familiar about the way it looked at Jared. Like it would simply throw itself in front of a train if he wanted it to. It was the strangest thing I had ever seen. Jared raised his hand, probably so he could push it back into the hole, but it skipped out of way. It seemed determined to get itself killed just so Jared wouldn't be harmed.

Thankfully, I didn't really have to think this over too long. When it moved out of the way of Jared's hand, it had gotten within my arms reach. I grabbed its arms and pinned them behind its back. It tried to struggle free but I was much stronger,

"Get your hands off her!" Jared shouted, running right at me.

But Kyle was between us and he caught Jared. He put him in a headlock while Brandt tried to grab one of his flailing arms. "Don't hurt him!" the worm shrieked, struggling harder against my hold.

The one thing I admired about Jared was his instincts. He wasn't as strong as Kyle but, I have to admit, he was smarter. And he somehow always knew how to get out of a jam. The elbow of the arm that Brandt was trying to grab rammed into Kyle's stomach, causing Kyle to recoil in pain and loosen his grip on Jared. He twisted away from Brandt and punched Kyle square in the nose, the blood spattering everywhere. "Finish it, Ian!" Kyle yelled, lowering his bleeding face and head-butting Jared right into Brandt's arms. This was it. They were going to occupy Jared while I killed the alien with my bare hands. I hadn't wanted to be the one to do this, there was something that felt wrong about this, something that hadn't been there before. It was probably because it was the reality now, I had to be the one to do with just my hands, and the fact that even though I knew it was one of those disgusting parasites it still looked human. And then there was the fact that this was the body of the woman that my friend loved. But I would do it to keep all of us safe.

"No!" Jared and the parasite screamed in unison. I dropped its arms and quickly grabbed its neck, holding on as tightly as I could. It clawed at my hands but its fingers couldn't find purchase, its nails were too short to do any damage. I gripped it tighter and tried to lift it off the floor, making it struggle even more.

And then I heard the gun cock. I froze.

"Kyle, Ian, Brandt – back off!" Jeb yelled.

No one moved. We were all too shocked. Jeb had figured us out after all. He really wasn't as crazy as he looked. Suddenly, Jared rushed under Kyle's arm and punched me right in the mouth, hard. I yelled out in pain and dropped the parasite. It fell to floor, practically laying at my feet and gasping for air. Jared quickly moved back so he was standing next to Jeb.

"You're guests here, boys, and don't forget it," Jeb said, sounding really pissed off. "I told you not to go looking for the girl. She's my guest, too, for the moment and I don't take kindly to any of my guests killing any of the others."

"Jeb," I said, although it sounded more like a moan. I had my hands held to my mouth, trying to both stop the flow of blood and make sure I still had all of my teeth. "Jeb, this is insane."

"What's your plan?" Kyle half-shouted, the anger evident on his blood-smeared face. "We have a right to know. We have to decide whether this place is safe or if it's time to move on. So… how long will you keep this thing as your pet? What will you do when you're finished playing God? All of us deserve to know the answers to these questions."

"Don't have your answers, Kyle," Jeb said. "It's not up to me." We all stared at him in shocked confusion. Maybe Jeb _was_ as crazy as he looked. Of course it was up to him! This was his place so he got to set the rules. He had reminded us of that fact time and time again.

"Not up to you?" Kyle said, finally breaking us all out of the shock. He sounded as if he couldn't believe what Jeb had just said. I couldn't really believe it either, to be honest. "Who then? If you're thinking of putting it up to a vote, that's already been done. Ian, Brandt and I are the duly designated appointees of the result."

"It's not up for a vote," Jeb said, shaking his head. "This is still my house."

"_Who, then?_" Kyle shouted.

Jeb's eyes flickered to Jared as he said, "It's Jared's decision." We all turned to look at Jared then, even the worm. He was staring at Jeb, astonished, and then his mouth snapped shut and he glared at it. He must not have been as sentimental about Melanie's body as I had originally thought. It was clear that he absolutely hated the alien inside of it.

Kyle turned back to Jeb. "Jared? That makes no sense! He's more biased than anyone else! Why? How can he be rational about this?"

"Jeb, I don't…" Jared muttered. He had stopped himself mid-sentence. I could tell that he didn't want this responsibility because the truth was he _couldn't_ be rational about this. We all knew how he felt. There was a part of him that would always love Melanie, the part that wanted to keep her as close to him as possible now that he had found her again. But the truth was, that wasn't Melanie, it was a creature that we all hated and feared. It was hard for Jared, reconciling those two strong opposite emotions because he would always want to kill those filthy "souls" just like he would always want to protect Melanie. And the fact that Jeb was leaving it up to him just kind of made him look like an insensitive prick.

"She's your responsibility, Jared," Jeb said firmly. "I'll help you out, of course, if there's any more trouble like this, and with keeping track of her and all that. But when it comes to making decisions, that's all yours." Kyle opened his mouth to protest but Jeb held his hand up to stop him. "Look at it this way, Kyle. If somebody found your Jodi on a raid and brought her back here, would you want me or Doc or a vote deciding what we did with her?"

That was below the belt. Jodi was still a sore spot for Kyle, even after six years. They had taken her too. Like I said before, we all knew the pain of losing someone we loved. "Jodi is dead," Kyle hissed out before turning to glare at the alien in Melanie's body. There was no doubt in my mind that he was remembering Jodi and the day that she had been taken.

"Well, if her body wandered in here, it would still be up to you. Would you want it any other way?"

"The majority –" Kyle tried to protest, but I knew that if Jodi's body had wandered in, he would fight against the majority's decision just like Jared had.

"My house, my rules," Jeb said, interrupting him. "No more discussion on this. No more votes. No more execution attempts. You three spread the word – this is how it works from now on. New rule."

I couldn't stop myself from muttering under my breath, "_Another_ one?" Jeb was big on rules, and lately he had been making more and more. It was like something out of an Orwell novel.

He ignored me and continued with his little speech. "If, unlikely as it may be, somehow this ever happens again, whoever the body belongs to makes the call." He poked the rifle towards Kyle and then jerked it towards the hallway. "Get out of here. I don't want to see you anywhere around this place again. You let everyone know that this corridor is off-limits. No one's got any reason for being here except Jared, and if I catch someone skulking around, I'm asking questions second. You got that? Move. Now." He poked the gun at Kyle again.

We all turned and walked up the hallway, back towards the big room. We knew Jeb would use the gun if he had to, we had seen him use it before. "This isn't right!" Brandt said, once we were a good distance away. "We can't just let him keep that thing here like it's some kind of pet! The longer it stays, the more chances it will get to escape."

Kyle was seething. "I don't care what Jared's decision is," he said. "I'll kill that thing with my bare hands if I have to. And I can wait it out just as long as they can."

I should have been agreeing with him. I had been on their side only minutes before and yet… I still couldn't shake the feeling that killing it would be wrong, too much like murdering an innocent human. But it wasn't human and it deserved to die, not only for what I was certain it would do once it had learned enough about us (which was sell us out to the Seekers), but also for the sins of its whole alien-race. But I kept remembering the way it had put itself between Jared and Kyle, ready to sacrifice its life just so we wouldn't harm Jared. That had seemed out of character for the little worms. Did that mean that this parasite was different somehow? And what would that mean, if it was different from all the others? I shook my head and sped up, wanting to get to my room and fall asleep just so I could stop thinking about this.


	2. Chapter 2

Two

**Disclaimer:** The Host belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just like to mess around with her characters from time to time. I am not and will not be making any kind of profit from this.

**A/N:** Thank you to ChampionShoes, melissaturkey and FangedLeaf for your reviews! I really do appreciate them and I'm so glad that you like the story so far. :) Once again, most of the dialogue in this is coming straight out of The Host, this time from pages 177 to 186. And before anyone gets confused, I'd just like to say that there's a reason why Ian suddenly switches pronouns and I'm sure you'll all understand why too. :) So please read and review!

**Two**

It was extremely tense in the caves after we failed to kill the parasite. To say that people were pissed about Jeb's new rule would have been a massive understatement. No one understood why it should be Jared's decision when he was the only one who couldn't be objective. If Jeb had just wanted it to live, he could have made that decision himself. And it was obvious that he wanted it to live for some reason. It only got worse when he decided to take it to the river rooms in the middle of the day. Like it wasn't bad enough that he was letting it stay here, but he was letting it know the entire layout of the place. I guess so when it got its little Seeker buddies, it would know our hiding spots.

The worst part, though, was when Jamie snuck down to see it. Jared had been livid that one of us had even told him where it was. Frankly, I agreed with him. I had thought Kyle had been hitting below the belt when he happened to mention it right in front of him. Jamie definitely wasn't a kid; he had seen too much and lived through more than enough to be considered a man but he was still sensitive like a kid was, especially when it came to his sister. And letting him know that she had been taken and erased… well, no one should have to deal with that, especially not someone as young as Jamie. I hadn't stopped Jared when he decided to mess Kyle's nose up even further as a way to get back at him.

Kyle was convinced that Jared couldn't guard it all the time and he started going down to the hole in the middle of the night. I knew this was a waste of time, Jared would never let his guard down until he was ready to let it die but I didn't say anything to Kyle about it. Once he got something into his head, he simply wouldn't let it go. I refused to accompany him on these trips. Frankly, I didn't want to see if Jeb would follow through on his threat of asking questions second. And I still had that nagging feeling that killing it would be _wrong_. I had to get out of the caves and away from the tension because I was pretty sure it was messing with my mind. I even convinced Kyle to come with me. We had the perfect reason to go out into the desert now. The seekers had realized that Melanie's parasite was missing and they had formed a little search party. We had to go out there to make sure that they didn't find our home. We would have to trust that Jared would stop it if it tried to escape and meet up with them.

It was pretty strange watching the Seekers. We had been out in the world with the parasites enough times for it to be considered almost normal. It was hard to be nervous about being around them, especially when we were hiding out in the desert. Besides, we both had our magic little pills in our pockets and we weren't scared to use them. Everyone in the caves lived by the philosophy that it would be better to die than get erased and inadvertently betray all of our friends. We were able to see the Seekers completely, with the help of a few binoculars, from the top of one of the mountainous landmarks out in the desert without being seen.

Most of the Seekers were not that interested in the search. They stayed near the wash where the car had been dumped and it was clear that they thought it had simply died somewhere out in the desert. Only one was convinced that it was still alive. It was smaller than the others and dressed in all black, even though it must have been dying in the heat.

"Look at that," Kyle said, pointing to the smaller one. "It's carrying."

"So what?" I asked.

"So, it's got a Glock. None of the rest have anything like that," he said. "Don't you think that's a little weird?"

"I guess." Kyle was right, even though I didn't really want to admit it. Something like that would definitely only go to his head. But most Seekers had small revolvers, if they even carried at all. There were so few humans left now that they didn't really see the point in keeping any of our weapons around anymore.

"And look at how it's annoying the others," he said, pointing towards a Seeker that looked like it was a step away from wringing the smaller one's neck. It was a strange sight to see. Most of them acted like they were straight out of _Pleasantville_ but the small one must have been incredibly obnoxious. All of the other Seekers avoided it, like they simply didn't want to deal with it or something. "It's pretty strange, don't you think?" I had to agree with him. It was one of the weirdest things about the creatures that had overtaken our planet, they were all so fucking _nice_. They had thrown out all of our weapons, gotten rid of our money and volunteered to do things like pick up trash. It was like they thought acting like the Cleavers would make up for the fact that they had wiped out an entire species of sentient beings.

Luck was on our side that night. They stupidly left a bunch of trash out in the middle of their campsite, attracting at least a half dozen coyotes. One of them ended up getting dragged off a good ways into the desert before the rest were able to scare the animals off. Then it was like a light had gone off over their heads. They packed up all of their stuff quickly and left. They must have assumed that the same thing had happened to the alien we had back at the caves. The only one who didn't believe it was the small, annoying one. It actually looked like it was shouting at the others. I had never seen any of them even get into a disagreement and this one was full-out arguing with them. Or at least it was trying to, the rest didn't pay any attention to it. Once the others were gone, it got back in its car and drove back and forth on the highway. It was pretty bizarre but it simply refused to believe that Melanie – or whatever it was that was inside Melanie – was dead.

When we got back to the caves, everyone seemed to be convinced that that was it. No one seemed to think that the small, annoying Seeker was a threat except for Kyle and I. It was clear that this Seeker was different from the others. It kind of reminded me of a pit bull, it refused to let up now that it had its teeth in something. I was convinced that it would keep looking for Melanie until it either found us or died, and I really didn't want to know what our odds were.

I needed to talk to Jared about this new development. I knew he would see things from my perspective. He might even come up with some way to take the little bugger down. That night I lied to Kyle and told him I would try to kill Melanie's parasite so that he would stay in our room and away from the storage area. I made my way down to the caves silently, hoping that no one would catch me. Jared must have been sleeping, the mat was laid out in front of the hole and his hair was sticking up in all directions but he was already on his feet and pointing the gun at me the second I turned the corner. And this was why Kyle wouldn't get near Melanie's body unless Jared decided to let him. The man was like some kind of machine. He was always alert, even when he was sleeping, and he was clever as hell. I would gladly put my life at the mercy of his instincts. That wasn't something I could say about anyone else in the caves, even my brother.

"Easy," I said softly, stopping so I wouldn't startle him. I knew he would shoot me if he thought I was trying to threaten him or it. I held my hands up in a gesture of surrender to show that I didn't have any weapons on me. Not that it mattered, I had already tried to kill the little bugger with my own hands. "I come in peace."

"Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying," he said. His voice was hard with his anger.

"I just want to talk," I said as I started walking closer to him. "You're buried down here, missing the important discussions… We miss your take on things." Or I did anyways. Kyle was too angry with him right now to miss him all that much. But I knew that Jeb always liked to know what his opinion was before he made any kind of decision. Like I said, everyone here would trust Jared with their life.

"I'm sure," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, put the gun down. If I was planning to fight you, I would have come with four guys this time."

My joke fell flat but I guess I expected that. It wasn't even really that funny. He thought it over for a moment and then he sat down, halfway in front of the hole where he was keeping the parasite. He kept the gun pointed in my direction. "How's your brother?" he asked, sounding almost amused.

I sat down next to him slowly – he _would_ shoot me if he thought I was going to kill it. There was no doubt in my mind about it. "He's still fuming about his nose. Oh well, it's not the first time it's been broken. I'll tell him you said you were sorry."

"I'm not," he said, his voice flat.

"I know. No one is ever sorry for hitting Kyle." We both laughed at that. It was the truth, Kyle almost always deserved it.

"So what do you want, Ian? Not just an apology for Kyle, I imagine." I could tell he didn't want me to stay down here for longer than necessary. He didn't trust me entirely around his new pet Martian.

I decided to get to the point because I didn't like having the rifle pointed at me. "Did Jeb tell you?" I wasn't sure how much Jared knew. He had been down here by himself for almost a week now. It was clear he didn't like having Jeb around because he was kind to the alien so I wasn't sure if Jeb was giving him any updates on life outside of this hallway.

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

"They've given up the search. Even the Seekers." He didn't say anything but I could see all the muscles in his body tensing, as if he were getting right to fight. "We've been keeping a close watch for some change, but they never seemed overly anxious. The search never strayed from the area where we abandoned the car, and for the past few days they were clearly looking for a body rather than a survivor. Then two nights ago we caught a lucky break – the search party left some trash in the open and a pack of coyotes raided their base camp. One of _them_ was coming back late and surprised the animals. The coyotes attacked and dragged the Seeker a good hundred yards into the desert before the rest of them heard its screams and came to the rescue. The other Seekers were armed, of course. They scared the coyotes off easily, and the victim wasn't seriously hurt, but the event seems to have answered any questions they might have had about what happened to our guest here. So they packed up and left. The Seekers gave up the search. All the volunteers went home. No one is looking for it." I turned my head slightly and looked into the hole but all I could see was a dark shape huddled near the far wall. "I imagine it's been declared officially dead, if they keep track of those things the way we used to. Jeb's been saying 'I told you so' to anyone who'll stand still long enough to hear it."

"Of course Jeb would assume the best," Jared grumbled under his breath. I had to agree with him. It was strange how Jeb was suddenly all optimistic when it came to this parasite. If it wasn't entirely impossible, I would have thought that he was one of them. Jared sighed and said, "All right, then. I guess that's the end of it."

"That's what it looks like. Except… Well, it's probably nothing at all." I knew this would pique his interest. I had to tell him about the other Seeker, the one who didn't want to give up.

"Go on."

"No one but Kyle thinks much of it, and you know how Kyle is." Jared grunted his agreement to that statement. "You've got the best instincts for this kind of thing; I wanted your opinion. That's why I'm here, taking my life into my hands to infiltrate the restricted area. You see, there's this one… a Seeker, no doubt about that – it packs a Glock. Kyle was the first to notice how this one stood out. It didn't seem important to the rest – certainly not part of the decision-making process. Oh, it had suggestions enough, from what we could see, but no one seemed to listen to it. Wish we could've heard what it was saying… Anyway, when they called off the search, this one wasn't happy with the decision. You know how the parasites are always so… very _pleasant_? This was weird – it's the closest I've ever seen them come to an argument. Not a real argument, because none of the others argued back, but the unhappy one sure looked like it was arguing with _them_. The core group of Seekers disregarded it – they're all gone."

"But the unhappy one?" he asked.

"It got in a car and drove halfway Phoenix. Then it drove back to Tucson. Then it drove west again."

"Still searching," he said, agreeing with my opinion of the thing.

"Or very confused. It stopped at that convenience store by the peak. Talked to the parasite that worked there, though that one had already been questioned."

"Huh." He sounded like he was trying to figure it out.

"Then it went for a hike up the peak – stupid little thing. Had to be burning alive, wearing black from head to toe." A loud hiss came from the hole, like the parasite inside it knew who we were talking about. "What was _that_?" I said, a little shocked by its reaction. We both turned and looked into the cave but we couldn't see much of anything – or at least I couldn't. Jared grabbed the lamp beside him and held it up to the hole. I couldn't help but wince at what I saw. It was huddled up against the back wall with its hands covering its face. But I could see the bruises now, the clear outline of _my_ hands on its neck made me feel sick to my stomach. It was clearly afraid because it was trembling and its eyes were wide in absolute terror … but why would it be scared of the Seeker? I figured it would be upset that they had stopped searching for it. Or was it scared of us? Guilt almost overwhelmed me then. But I shouldn't feel guilty about this – it was one of them, for Christ's sakes! But even still, I couldn't shake the feeling that it didn't deserve what I had almost done to it. "Look at its eyes," I said. "It's frightened."

Jared was as interested in the why as I was. All he could see was that it knew who we were talking about. "Who is the Seeker in black?" he half-shouted at her. Her lips trembled but she didn't answer. "I know you can talk," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "You talk to Jeb and Jamie. And now you're going to talk to me." He climbed in the hole then, kneeling over her. "Tell me what you know. Who is the Seeker in black? Why is it still searching?"

I couldn't let him interrogate her like this. She was already scared out of her mind and he was not helping. Maybe if he stopped shouting at her, and showed her that she had no reason to be afraid, she would tell us what she knew. "Ah – Jared?" I said softly, trying not to frighten her anymore. "Maybe you should let me –"

He cut me off. "Stay out of it!"

I tried to climb in after him but the hole was just so small. I could barely fit in there with the two of them. "Can't you see that it's too scared to talk? Leave it alone for a sec –"

Jared turned around quickly and, before I even had a chance to defend myself, he punched me in the mouth. Again. I fell out of the hole onto my back. I spit out the blood and growled, "That's twice."

"I'm ready to go for three," he muttered. He turned back towards the girl, taking the lamp with him and I was suddenly laying out in complete darkness. Once I was sure that he hadn't knocked any of my teeth out, I looked back into the hole and watched him ask her more questions. "Who. Is. The. Seeker." His voice promised more violence, directed at her this time, if she still refused to answer. She dropped her hands then and stared up at him. He seemed to read something in her eyes because his voice wasn't as hard and angry when he spoke again. "I don't have to hurt you but I do have to know the answer to my question. Tell me."

"The Seeker," she said. Her voice was soft and rough, like she hadn't used it in a long time.

"We already know it's a Seeker," he said impatiently.

"No, not just any Seeker," she whispered. "_My_ Seeker."

"What do you mean, _your_ Seeker?"

"Assigned to me, following me. She's the reason –" She stopped talking suddenly, like she had given too much away.

"The reason?" he prompted, anxious to get the whole story.

"The reason I ran away. The reason I came here."

Jared's mouth hung open in shock and I knew I had a similar expression on my face. So it was the Seeker she was scared of after all… It still didn't make any sense.

"You ran away from a Seeker? But you're one of them!" He quickly regained his composure and asked, "Why would it follow you? What did it want?"

She swallowed nervously. The sound was loud in the small cave. "She wanted you. You and Jamie."

Jared's muscles tensed up again. "And you were trying to lead it here?" I knew that her answer to this question would dictate whether she would live or die once this interrogation was finished.

"I didn't… I…" She was shaking her head but her response was suspicious.

"What?"

"I… didn't want to tell her. I don't like her."

"Don't you have to like everyone?" he asked. But I didn't find her response strange. It didn't seem like any of the other Seekers liked it much either.

"We're supposed to," she said, her cheeks darkening in embarrassment.

"Who did you tell about this place?" I asked. I had to know if there was anyone else that knew about the caves. If they did… well, we would all be screwed then.

"I couldn't tell – I didn't know… I just saw the lines. The lines on the album. I drew them for the Seeker… but we didn't know what they were. She still thinks they're a road map." So she had told someone, although it had been done inadvertently. But the Seeker only had the clues, she didn't know about the caves. She didn't even know that anyone was out here. All she knew were squiggles left on a photo album… that was definitely a small relief.

Jared didn't seem to share my opinion. He raised his hand, like he was going to hit her or worse, but then he dropped it. "What do you mean you didn't know what they were? You're here."

"I… I was having trouble with my… with the… with her memory. I didn't understand… I couldn't access everything. There were walls. That's why the Seeker was assigned to me, waiting for me to unlock the rest."

We were both shocked at that information. I had never heard any stories about the bodies resisting their new hosts. It was too much to hope for. I didn't want to think about it because I wanted so desperately for it to be true. And I couldn't be sure if she was lying or not, trying to distract us from the fact that she had told the Seeker just enough about our home.

"Were you able to _access_ my cabin?" he asked, his voice acidic.

"Not for a long time."

"And then you told the Seeker?"

"No."

"No? Why not?"

"Because… by the time I could remember it… I didn't _want_ to tell her."

I felt like my entire body was frozen in shock. This wasn't what I was expecting. It didn't make sense for her to not tell the Seeker about the cabin. From what I had gathered about these worms, they liked to help their version of the law enforcement as best as they could. And they enjoyed keeping their human ties; they would often stay with their human body's spouses even after they were both infected. So, logically, this one would want Jared found so that she could be with him again and yet she had actively kept things from the Seekers so that he wouldn't be found. It wasn't logical.

"Why didn't you want to tell her?" Jared asked. Her jaw locked and it was quite obvious that she wasn't going to answer that question so he moved on to another one. "Why weren't you able to access everything? Is that… normal?"

"She fell a long way. The body was damanged." Her lie was obvious, it was practically written all over her face. She wasn't used to lying, much like the rest of the other "souls." Although I have no idea why she would lie about this. If anything, this would be the thing that would save her. And the fact that her lie was so obvious now made me believe that she hadn't been lying before, when she had mentioned Melanie's body resisting her.

But I had another question that was almost as important. "Why isn't this Seeker giving up like the rest?"

She slumped against the wall, like she was exhausted by our questions. "I don't know," she whispered. "She's not like other souls. She's… _annoying_." I couldn't stop myself from laughing at this. I had never heard one of them speak badly about anyone. It was quite the thing to hear. But it must have been the truth, it seemed like the other Seekers would agree with her on that.

"And you – are you like the other… _souls_?" Jared asked. She looked up at him for a long moment, her exasperation written all over her face. Then she buried her face in her knees. She was done answering questions… for now.

Jared had a little bit of difficulty climbing back out of the hole and stretched his body out. It must have been really uncomfortable in there. And I felt a small bit of indignation for her because even though he knew exactly how uncomfortable it was in there, he still made her sleep on the uneven rocky floor. I doubted she could even stretch her whole body out in there. But there was no other place to hide her, and I wasn't going to say anything to Jared about it. He'd probably punch me in the mouth again. I doubt I'd be lucky enough to keep all my teeth after a third punch.

"That was unexpected," I whispered once he sat back down next to me.

"Lies, of course," he whispered back. "Only… I can't quite figure out what it wants us to believe – where it's trying to lead us."

"I don't think it's lying. Well, except the one time. Did you notice?"

"Part of the act."

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. I really doubted it was that good of an actress. "Jared, when have you ever met a parasite who could lie about anything? Except a Seeker, of course."

"Which it must be."

I couldn't believe him. "Are you serious?"

"It's the best explanation."

"She – _it_ is the furthest thing from a Seeker I've ever seen. If a Seeker had any idea how to find us, it would bring a whole army."

"And they wouldn't have found anything. But she – it got in, didn't it?" What he was saying made sense but I couldn't believe it for some reason.

"It's almost been killed half a dozen –"

"Yet it's still breathing, isn't it?"

I shook my head. He was almost always right when it came to the parasites but he was so far off the mark this time. There was no way this girl could be a Seeker. Seekers had always been more violent than the rest of them and this one had yet to raise a hand to any of us, even in self-defense. Even when we were all ready to kill her, she had simply stood there and let us. I knew that Jeb had his own theories about this. I'd have to talk to him about it… and I'm sure he'd like to hear what she had told Jared. "I think I'm going to go talk to Jeb," I whispered.

"Oh, _that's_ a great idea," he said sarcastically.

"Do you remember that first night? When it jumped between you and Kyle? That was bizarre."

"It was just trying to find a way to stay alive, to escape…"

"By giving Kyle the go-ahead to kill her – it? Good plan." I had to try to get him to see it from my perspective. This parasite was not a Seeker. Something was definitely up with her but I really didn't think that she was a danger to us anymore.

"It worked." He seemed to have an excuse for everything.

"Jeb's gun worked. Did she know he was on his way?"

"You're overthinking this, Ian. That's what it wants."

I did roll my eyes at him then. "I don't think you're right. I don't know why… but I don't think she wants us to think about her at all." I got to my feet and sighed. "Do you know what's really twisted?"

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

"I felt _guilty_ – guilty as hell – watching her flinch away from us. Seeing the black marks on her neck."

Jared looked horrified at my revelation. "You can't let it get to you like that. It's not human. Don't forget that."

"Just because she isn't human, do you think that means she doesn't feel pain? That she doesn't feel just like a girl who's been beaten – beaten by us?" I asked as I walked away. I wasn't about to say this within striking distance. It's not that I'm scared of getting hit, I would gladly take a beating for my beliefs, but Jared's hatred was so obvious that I didn't even know what he would do if I really pushed it. Plus, he still had Jeb's gun within arm's reach.

Instead of checking in with Jeb, I went right to the room I shared with my brother. I couldn't escape the truth in the words I'd spoken. It was true, we had stepped over the line a long time ago when it came to her. We didn't know if she had been responsible for the invasion of our Earth and yet we punished her for it. Hell, I didn't even think she had asked to be put into Melanie's body and yet we held her responsible for it. It wasn't right. I didn't want to feel this way. I would be glad for my brother's blind hatred or Jared's anger because at least that would make sense. But I had this strange need to almost… _protect_ her from them. I could not allow her to be treated the way they were treating her and still be a decent human being. That night I dreamt about dark, hand-shaped bruises on tan skin and hazel eyes widened with the fear of the monster I'd let myself become. When I woke up the next morning, I decided to give the alien a chance.


	3. Chapter 3

I**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns The Host and all of its characters. I just like to take Ian hostage from time to time.

**A/N:** Once again, a good portion of the dialogue is coming from the book, pages 190 – 287. This one is _really freaking long_ so I'm sorry about that, haha. I've edited it as much as I could but it still ended up being really freaking long. I hope you like it anyways! :) Please let me know what you think, if you like it, hate it, whatever. It'd be nice to know what people think of it! Thank you to FangedLeaf, Andy101, lemonsX, Emmaaa, amethyst-dreams27, Wolf Babies, xXKatiouKitsuneXx, melissaturkey, ChampionShoes and xX.Padfoot.Xx for all the reviews!

**Three**

I wanted to help the alien but I wasn't sure how I could go about doing it. Jared was hell bent on keeping it hostage in that hole. It was awful, I wouldn't even make a dog stay in there and yet he thought it was perfectly okay to hole her up in there and only let her out once a day. I knew my brother would be a problem too. As soon as he found a hole in Jared's defenses, he would kill that thing as quickly and inhumanely as possible. Jeb was the only one who'd help me. I could only hope he'd be able to get his gun back from Jared. I found him outside the dining area the next morning. "Jeb, we have a problem," I said.

He sighed. "Look, Ian, I already told your brother earlier. This isn't my decision. Jared's the one you want to talk to."

"No," I said. "That's not what I meant. I was talking about that small Seeker, the one in all black."

"What about her?" he asked. Jeb was one of the people that didn't think she was a threat, but he didn't know everything yet. I told him what had happened last night, what the worm inside Melanie's body had told us. "But she doesn't know about the caves?" he asked.

"No, but she might figure out the lines eventually," I said. It was too bad that she that had told it about those. It would be just our luck to have it accidently stumble upon our home.

Jeb frowned at that. "That could be a problem," he said. "We'll have to keep an eye on it. If she comes too close to finding us, we'll just have to take her in, give her to Doc."

"Oh, so we'll give this one to him? How do we know she doesn't belong to anybody?" I said. I couldn't really help myself. It was like some kind of sickness, now that I was thinking of being kind to one of them I couldn't really see the point of carrying on what was happening with Doc. It was pretty strange, I would have thought I'd have the exact opposite reaction since I had just found out that it was possible for the humans infected to resist the parasites but it still felt like it was an exercise in futility. I didn't think there'd ever be a way to get those little buggers out of their hosts.

"It's better than having her find us, isn't it?" he said. "She wouldn't keep our secret like the other one would."

I nodded. The Seeker had seemed obnoxious but she wasn't different like the one in the hole was. "Actually Jeb, I wanted to talk to you about her too."

He scowled at me. "I already told you, Ian. I'm not going to shoot –"

"No," I said, cutting him off. "That wasn't what I meant. It's just… I mean…" I was having a hard time finding the right words. "It's not right, keeping her in that hole. I mean, you have seen how cramped it is in there, right?"

Jeb looked at me for a long moment, like he was trying to figure out if my concern was genuine. Then he said, "I think it's time for a raid, we're running low on almost everything."

I raised an eyebrow at him. What the hell did that have to do with anything? "Alright," I said. "I can gather up a couple people for one."

"No," Jeb shook his head. "You better sit this one out. I'll go talk to Jared about it."

I understood then. He was trying to get Jared out of the caves for a little while because it was the only way he could get her out of that hole. He knew as well as I did that Jared was in too much pain right now to realize that he was treating her unfairly. "You might want to suggest that he take Kyle and Brandt with him," I said. I knew they'd take advantage of Jared's absence if they stayed. But it was also a risk sending them along with him because they might try to influence Jared in his decision. I simply didn't want her to die, especially now that I was feeling massive amounts of guilt over wanting to kill her before.

He nodded, turned around and headed for the storage area. I went into room and grabbed one of those nasty rolls along with the soup that was so prevalent in the caves. Jared came in around twenty minutes later and grabbed Kyle and Brandt. They were on their way out of the caves soon after that. I stayed in the kitchen and made bread with Trudy and Geoffrey. We worked in silence until Sharon came storming in, yelling about something. I couldn't really make out what she was saying until she said, "He can't just let it walk around like that! What's to stop it from running away now? I can't believe he would be so _stupid_!" Oh. I guess Jeb had let it out of the hole now. I hoped he had his gun with him.

Doc came in after her, grabbing her arms as he tried to calm her down. "I don't think she will try to escape. And you heard what Kyle and Ian said, there's no one out there anymore to help her if she does get out."

Sharon scowled at him and twisted out of his reach. She must not be taking too well to the fact that he didn't hate the parasite as much as she did. "And you must have forgotten when they mentioned that there was one still out there looking for it."

"Sharon, I really doubt she will even try to –" he tried to say but she interrupted him.

"How can you defend it?!" she said. "I heard you talking to him! I can't believe you're going to guard it for him! The thing deserves to die, Eustace!"

"No it doesn't," he said softly. "It has yet to do anything to us."

"Except erase my cousin, you mean?" she asked scathingly. Doc looked like he was at a loss for words. She smiled in grim satisfaction and said, "You better make sure you sleep lightly tonight." Then she turned and stormed out, probably looking for her mother to back her up.

Doc groaned silently. He finally seemed to notice the rest of us in the room and he blushed slightly. "Ian, can I have a word?" he asked once he had gotten over his embarrassment. I nodded and followed him out of the room. "I'm sure you've heard that Jeb has let her out of the storage area. I just wanted to warn you now that even though Jared is gone, she will still be well protected."

I shook my head. The fact that they all thought I still wanted to hurt her only made me feel worse. I couldn't believe that I'd become such a monster. When I was younger, I had admired superheroes like Superman or Batman because they had always done the right thing, even in the worst circumstances. I had always hoped I would grow up to be like them one day and yet here I was in the worst possible circumstances, making all the wrong choices. I had to change, do my penance for what I had almost succeeded in doing. "No," I said. "I want to help you both."

"What?" he said. I could see his disbelief clearly.

"I don't want to hurt her," I said. "I'm not going to. I want to help you guys guard her. Just because Kyle and Brandt are gone doesn't mean someone else won't try and be a hero."

He was looking at me suspiciously. Doc was a kind man but he wasn't stupid or gullible. "Really?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes. You have my word," I said.

He nodded then. Doc was a good friend and I knew he would trust me after that. "I'll talk to Jeb about it. But first I have to go fix this," he said, nodding his head in the direction that Sharon had gone in.

I chuckled softly. "Good luck with that," I said. Sharon and Maggie were relatively new to the caves but they were pretty easy to read. They were both bad-tempered, stubborn, and could hold a grudge for longer than was healthy. He would have to do some serious groveling if he wanted to get into their good graces by the end of the day.

Which, I guess, he had. By lunchtime, he was sitting with Sharon and Maggie and they seemed to be getting along perfectly fine. I was sitting close by and I didn't hear them mention Melanie or the parasite inside of her once. Well, at least they didn't until Jeb walked in with it.

The whole room was silent once her bruised face appeared. I winced again. It was awful to see. Not only were my hands on her neck but her face was a strange mixture of blue, black, yellow and tan. Her hair was a tangled mess that stuck up in the weirdest places, like the back of her head. And she was covered in dirt from head to toe. And to top it all off, she simply looked like she smelled. It was pretty disgusting, actually. Jeb looked around at everyone, clearly annoyed at our reaction. "Everybody full so quickly?'

"Lost our appetites," Maggie muttered. I had to hold in a laugh. It wasn't very nice but I think anyone would have lost their appetites after seeing her.

"How 'bout you?" he asked, turning to the alien. "You hungry?" A lot of people groaned at this. They didn't think we should be wasting food on her since they all assumed she would be dead soon. I let out an annoyed sigh. I still couldn't believe that we had all become so callous. She shook her head, looking incredibly scared. She didn't look comfortable being around this many people. "Well, I am," Jeb said. He walked down between the counters and nodded at me, so I guess Doc must have talked to him. She stayed by the doorway, looking like she was ready to take off at any moment. Everyone watched her like she was some kind of animal in a zoo. I couldn't help but feel bad for her then.

Jeb walked back to her and said, "Well, let's just keep on movin'. Nobody seems to be able to concentrate on their lunch. Easily distracted, this set." I smirked at this, but it slid off my face when Jamie ran up to her. I thought I knew the pain he must have been feeling at that moment. It must have been hard looking into Melanie's eyes and knowing that it wasn't Melanie that was staring back at him. And she looked like she was in pain too as she stared at the kid, but it was easy to see that it was for _him_ rather than for herself. "Whatcha need, kid?" Jeb asked.

"Just wondering what you were doing," he said. He couldn't keep his curiosity out of his voice. And when he looked at her, he didn't look angry. It honestly baffled my mind. Out of everyone in this room, Jamie was the one who had the most reasons to hate the thing inside his sister but he didn't look like he did at all.

"Takin' her for a tour of the place. Just like I do with any newcomer." No one in the room liked Jeb's answer, even me. It was wrong to hurt her or treat her inhumanely but I don't think he should have acted like she was just another human being.

"Can I come?" Jamie asked. He actually wanted to spend time with her? It didn't make any sense to me.

Sharon was shaking her head fervently, looking outraged but Jeb didn't pay any attention to her. "Doesn't bother me… if you can mind your manners."

"No problem," he said, shrugging.

Jeb nodded. "Let's go." And then they were out of the room. There was another moment of silence before everyone starting whispering. None of them liked the fact that Jeb was being hospitable to the parasite and they were even angrier over the fact that he was letting Jamie near it. Doc looked at me and I knew what he wanted right away. We would have to follow them, make sure that Jeb was staying on alert. There were enough people that knew she was out walking around now and, if I was right about the fact that she wouldn't even try to defend herself, there were quite a few who would be able to kill her and wouldn't think twice about it. We both got up and followed them.

They were on their guard though. The first thing she did when she heard us coming was grab Jamie and push him behind her so that he was out of harm's way. Jeb swung around at the same moment and pointed the gun at us. We held our hands up in surrender. "We can mind our manners, too," Doc said.

Jeb narrowed his eyes at me. Doc might think I was trustworthy but Jeb wasn't entirely convinced. "I don't mean any trouble, Jeb. I'll be just as mannerly as Doc."

"Fine," Jeb said curtly, lowering the rifle. "Just don't test me. I haven't shot anybody in a real long time and I sort of miss the thrill of it." She gasped and looked absolutely horrified at what Jeb had said.

We all started to laugh then. "It's a joke," Jamie explained when she didn't join in. She didn't look like she found it funny at all.

"Well, the day's wasting," Jeb said, sounding more than a little grumpy. "You'll all have to keep up cause I'm not waiting on you."

We followed them as Jeb showed her the second field, the rec room, and the hospital wing. She had the strangest reaction to that part of the tour. She froze in place, her joints locked and she stared in horror at Doc. We were all confused by her reaction but Jamie was the first to understand. "No," he said, reaching up to touch her elbow. I winced; I didn't understand how he could touch her so easily. She had taken his sister away from him. How was he not the least bit upset? "No, it's okay. Really. Right, Uncle Jeb? It's okay, right?"

Jeb caught on then. "Sure it is. Just showing you my place, kid."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, a little annoyed that I was apparently the only one who didn't get it.

Jamie ignored me and kept trying to comfort her. "Did you think we brought you here on purpose, for Doc? Because we wouldn't do that. We promised Jared."

"Oh!" I couldn't help laughing at that. That would have been clever, making her think we were giving her a tour just so we could get her down here. "That wasn't a bad plan. I'm surprised I didn't think of it."

Jamie scowled at me and patted her arm in comfort. "Don't be scared."

"So this big room here is fitted up with a few cots in case anyone gets sick or hurt. We've been pretty lucky on that count. Doc doesn't have much to work with in an emergency. Your folks threw out all _our_ medicines when they took over things. Hard to get our hands on what we need." Jeb continued to explain the room to her but I couldn't pay attention. Jamie seemed like he honestly wanted to protect the worm inside of his sister. I couldn't understand it. If only everyone else had had his reaction to her, I doubt she would have been so scared of us.

"What do you know about alien medicine?" I heard Doc ask. I shook my head and watched her then. It would be nice to hear about this. Doc had been so cut up over the fact that he didn't have a way to help anyone here. I knew he would have been glad to know a little bit about how the aliens were treating people, especially since their medicines worked so completely. It would have made life a lot easier for him, at least. But she didn't say anything. She gave him the same blank stare she had given Jared when he first asked about the Seeker.

"Oh, you can talk to Doc," Jeb said. "He's a pretty decent guy, all things considered."

Doc smiled at that but she just shook her head. That didn't sit right with me. If we were going to go to all this trouble to keep her alive, she could at least try to help us. "She's not giving away trade secrets," I said, my displeasure evident in my voice. "Are you, sweetheart?"

"Manners, Ian," Jeb barked at me. I frowned at him.

"Is it a secret?" Jamie asked curiously.

She shook her head again. We were all completely confused then. She took a deep breath and whispered, "I'm not a Healer. I don't know how they – the medications – work. Only that they _do_ work – they heal, rather than merely treating symptoms. No trial and error. Of course the human medicines were discarded."

I had to chastise myself for my anger then. It wasn't that she didn't want to share, she just didn't have anything to share. It was kind of strange, actually, how much she wanted to tell us about the souls even though we had not been kind to her in the least.

"Your kind didn't change too much of what we left behind," Jeb said thoughtfully. He was trying to figure them out again. It was something he did often, although I have no idea why. Who cares what the aliens were thinking? I'm sure that they had no reason that could easily excuse what they had done. "Just the medical stuff, and the spaceships instead of planes. Other than that, life seems to go on just the same as ever… on the surface."

"We come to experience, not to change," she whispered. "Health takes priority over that philosophy, though." Jeb nodded at that and I could finally see why he wanted her around. She knew a lot about the parasites, mostly because she was one, and that knowledge could really help us. It's like Sun Tzu said in _The Art of War_, if you know your enemy as well as yourself then you need not fear a hundred battles. We could do for a reduction, however small, in the fear we were all feeling. He told Doc and me to get lost then so he could finish the tour in private. It was then that I realized he was going to let her sleep in Jared's room. I knew I had wanted her out of that hole but that didn't mean I wanted to have some kind of slumber party with her. I went off to find someone that would let me room with them.

Jeb continued to bring her around for the next couple days. He was trying to let everyone get used to her. He gave her a human name, Wanda, and made her work with us. He seemed to think everyone would get over it pretty quickly but I disagreed. I saw the way that many people looked at her, saw it because I had to stop myself from looking at her that way, and I knew that even if they stopped grumbling whenever she walked into a room they still wouldn't accept her. Some might in time, but there were others would never stop objecting to her presence here. And they still wanted her dead, so I took it upon myself to follow her around almost everywhere, especially when Jeb stopped bringing his gun around with him. He must have thought his plan was working but I thought he was just being stupid.

Jeb had other theories too, ones that filled me with hope that I wouldn't let myself feel. He was convinced that Melanie was still alive in there, conscious and actually talking to Wanda. It would have explained why she had trouble remembering certain things, like Jared's cabin. I wanted more than anything to know if it was true but I couldn't bring myself to ask her. The inevitable negative answer would only crush me further and I think I had fallen far enough in the past month. There was a part of me that thought she was just filling Jeb's head with lies so that he would keep protecting her but another part of me didn't think she was capable of that. It was quite easy to pick up on her lies simply because they were so obvious and I knew Jeb was intelligent enough to know if she was telling the truth. And Jamie seemed to believe Jeb's theory too. Wanda wouldn't lie to him, she seemed to care about him as if he were her own flesh and blood. She looked at him the same way she looked at Jared, like she would be more than willing to throw herself in front of a bus if he asked her to, or she would step in between him and a very angry Kyle just keep him safe. It was hard to believe that she would intentionally hurt him just for her own gain. After observing them for a while, I decided to throw myself into protecting her even more. It would be wrong to let anyone kill her if Melanie was still in there somewhere. And Jamie seemed to like Wanda just as much as he liked Melanie. I couldn't let him live through losing his sister twice.

I think I might have been annoying her, actually. I was everywhere she was, in the fields, in the dining area, and even back in my old room so I would know if someone was going to try to get to her while she slept. She always acted so skittish around me, like she thought I was going to finish what I had started on her first night at any second. She finally spoke up when I was accompanying her down to the hospital wing so she could deliver a message to Doc. She had looked so scared when we got there, like she thought I was going to strap her to a cot so that Doc could slice her head open and try to pull her out of Melanie's body. On the way back, she said, "Ian?"

It was the first time she had spoken to me directly. I was surprised she didn't sound angry. I mean, I did try to kill her. But she only seemed scared. "Yes?"

"Why haven't you killed me yet?"

I shouldn't have laughed at that. "That's direct," I said once I had calmed down.

"You could, you know," she said softly. "Jeb might be annoyed, but I don't think he'd shoot you." It was almost like she was trying to convince me to do it. I couldn't understand.

"I know," I said. It pained me to think that she still thought of me as someone who would kill her and not think twice about it. I had to explain it to her. I didn't want her to think of me that way anymore. "It doesn't seem fair. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I can't see how killing you would make anything right. It would be like executing a private for a general's war crimes. Now, I don't buy all of Jeb's crazy theories – it would be nice to believe, sure, but just because you want something to be true doesn't make it that way. Whether he's right or wrong, though, you don't appear to mean us any harm. I have to admit, you seem honestly fond of that boy. It's very strange to watch. Anyway, as long as you don't put us in danger, it seems…. _cruel_ to kill you. What's one more misfit in this place?"

She stared at me in shock, like she had hadn't expected me to be concerned with things like fairness and cruelty. I winced at that thought. "If you don't want to kill me, then why did you come with me today?" she asked.

I didn't want to scare her with the truth but I had to tell her. She had to be on her guard at all times now that Jeb was letting her walk around unprotected. "I'm not sure that… Jeb thinks things have calmed down, but I'm not completely sure about that. There's still a few people… Anyway, Doc and I have been trying to keep an eye on you when we can. Just in case. Sending you down the south tunnel seemed like pushing your luck to me. But that's what Jeb does best – he pushes luck as far as it will go."

"You… you and Doc are trying to _protect_ me?" she asked in shock. She must have felt a little stupid then. She had spent all this time being completely terrified of us and we were the ones trying to protect her.

"Strange world, isn't it?"

It took her a few seconds to answer. "The strangest."

I laughed at that. I had heard her telling Jamie things about Spiders with three brains, bears making ice sculptures, and sea creatures with a thousand eyes but it made sense for Earth – the place where murderers turned into protectors and children were more open-minded than adults – to be the strangest one she had been to.

Another week passed and soon Jeb got her to talk to us about the souls. It took a lot of encouraging, usually Doc or I would have to pester her until she finally answered but eventually she got the hang of it. She hated having everyone's attention on her so she would usually do it after dinner so she could make rolls while she talked. It seemed to get her mind off the fact that everyone was listening to her intently. There were times when people got offended by what she said, like when she had mentioned that the souls could live forever if they had healthy hosts, so I tried to sit as close to her as I could. I wanted to be able to jump in if someone got a little bit too offended. It was actually really fascinating to hear about what was out there in the universe. Humans had been so arrogant for so long, assuming that we were the only intelligent beings in the universe, but there were millions of others out there even more intelligent than we were. There was a core group of people who liked listening to her too. Lily, Wes, Trudy, Geoffrey, Heath and Walter had all come to accept Wanda, even consider her a friend. It was good to know that there were other good people here in the caves, we weren't all blinded by hatred like Sharon and Maggie. And I was coming to see Wanda as a friend as well. I couldn't believe I had ever seen her as a threat. It was so obvious now that she would never want to harm any of us, especially Jamie.

It was hard to think that things would change since they had only just calmed down, but I knew they would as soon as soon as Jamie went running off in excitement during one of her talks. She had been in the middle of telling us about the dolphins, the soul's newest acquisitions, but stopped so she could go after him. I reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Wait," I said. It wasn't safe for her to go out there right now. If Jared and Kyle were back, they would be surprised that she was still alive but they would waste no time in fixing what they saw as a huge problem. Plus, there was no way of knowing if they had brought test subjects back for Doc. I didn't know her all that well but I didn't think Wanda would like that. "He'll be back. Tell us more about the Dolphins."

"What's going on out there?" she asked curiously. We could hear them talking now, probably wanting to have a nice meal with their friends after a long raid.

I shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe Jeb…" I didn't have it in me to lie to her so I shrugged again. This was going to be bad, I could tell. I knew how my brother would react, he would lash out and probably try to hurt her, but no one could predict what Jared would do. And her life was in his hands.

She shrugged too and starting talking about the Dolphin's grandparents again. She stopped once she realized that everyone was paying attention to the people in the doorway instead of her. Jamie was clinging to Jared, who was covered in dirt from head to toe. Jeb was standing behind them, his eyes narrowed at Jared. He must have been as anxious as I was to see his reaction.

"Here we go," I muttered.

Jared clenched his fist and took a step forward, like he was getting ready to hit something, probably Wanda. His voice was flat when he said, "What is the meaning of this, Jeb?"

Jamie didn't notice the anger in Jared's face. "Wanda is teaching us all about the universe," he said. He sounded excited, like he was so happy to finally have the both of them together in one room again.

"_Wanda_?" he snarled. He couldn't believe that we had given her a name and welcomed her into our company. It was hard to look at him and see what I had been, to know that I had had that same hated in my eyes just a few short weeks ago. The rest of them came up behind him then and everyone went up to greet them, guilty expressions on their faces. It was ridiculous how they were letting Jared make them feel bad for being decent human beings.

"It's going to be okay, Wanda," I whispered. I was lying, of course. I didn't know what Jared or Kyle would do. She looked at me as if she knew I was lying.

And then my brother walked in the room. "What the hell, people?" he yelled, shoving his way towards her. "You're letting it tell you its lies? Have you all gone crazy? Or did it lead the Seekers here? Are you _all_ parasites now?" A lot of people looked ashamed and I shook my head at them. They definitely shouldn't be taking lessons on morals from my brother, of all people.

"Easy, Kyle," Walter said feebly.

Kyle ignored him and kept walking towards Wanda, his face full of rage and hatred. I stepped in between them quickly and said, "Things have changed while you were gone, brother."

Kyle stopped in disbelief. "Did the Seekers come then, Ian?"

"She's not a danger to us," I said. I knew he wouldn't believe me.

He ground his teeth together, the sound echoing through the whole room. Then he reached into his pocket. "Don't get in his way, Ian," Wanda whispered behind me.

I ignored her. Of course she wouldn't want someone to get hurt because of her, but there was no way I was going to let her get in between us. Kyle had no right to harm her. He had found his flashlight by then and he pointed it at my face. I didn't flinch away from it. I wanted him to see that my eyes were still the same, that I was still me. "So, what, then?" he half-shouted. "You're not a parasite. How did it get to you?"

"Calm down and we'll tell you about."

"No," Jared said. He walked slowly over to us with Jamie clinging onto his hand. The poor kid looked completely confused, like he simply couldn't understand why Jared and Kyle would be so angry. "I don't think anyone needs to calm down. Jeb, give me the gun." I felt my eyes widen in horror. Jared had made his decision and we couldn't stop him now. But it was the _wrong_ one.

Everyone tensed at his words, including me. I was trying to think of a way to get her out there so Jeb and Doc could talk some sense into him. "Don't happen to have it on me," Jeb said.

Jared glared at him and then turned around and took another step towards her. "Fine. It will be slower this way, though. It would be more humane if you were to find that gun fast."

I angled myself so I was standing between him and Wanda. He would have to get through me before he could put one finger on her. "Please, Jared, let's talk," I said.

"I think there's been too much talk," Jared said, practically growling at me. "Jeb left this up to me and I've made my decision." Jeb cleared his throat and Jared whirled around to glare at him again. "What?" he said. "You made the rule."

"Well, now, that's true," Jeb said.

Jared turned back to me and said, "Ian, get out of my way." I planted my feet. I was not going to stand aside and let him hurt her.

"Well, well, hold on a second," Jeb said. "If you recall, the rule was that whoever the body belonged to got to make the decision."

"And?" Jared said impatiently. It was clear he just wanted to get this over with so things could go back to the way they had been before Wanda had come here.

"Seems to me like there's someone here with a claim just as strong as yours. Maybe stronger," Jeb finished. That was smart, to let Jamie get a say in Wanda's fate. Jamie would never let anyone harm her.

It took Jared a couple minutes to comprehend Jeb's meaning, and then he looked down at Jamie, who was still clinging to him. "You can't, Jared," Jamie said, looking like he was on the verge of tears. "You wouldn't. Wanda's good. She's my friend! And Mel! What about Mel? You can't kill Mel! Please! You have to –" he broke off then as his voice cracked in pain.

Jeb was almost smirking. I hoped his smugness wouldn't provoke Jared any further. "So, you can see that Jamie's not in agreement. I figure he's got as much say as you do."

Jared stared at Jamie in horror. It must have been worse than he had realized. He had never wanted Jamie to get mixed up in any of this. Hell, he hadn't even wanted Jamie to know that Wanda was here in the first place. "How could you let this happen, Jeb?"

"There _is_ a need for some talk," Jeb said, avoiding his question. "Why don't you take a breather first, though? Maybe you'll feel more up to conversation after a bath."

Jared glared at Jeb, his eyes full of betrayal as the tension slowly leaked out of the room. He pried Jamie's hands off of his arm and barked out, "Kyle." They both turned and walked out of the room, probably to scheme up ways to get to her while they bathed. All of the others who had been on the raid left with them, shooting us all glances full of confusion and anger. I had to remind myself that they simply didn't get it. They were letting their general hatred of the souls cloud their judgment. If they knew Wanda, they would understand why we wanted to protect her. But a lot of the others, the ones who had been here and who knew her, left too, still looking extremely guilty. A few stayed though. I was happy to see that Heath, Geoffrey, Trudy, Lily, Wes, and Walter were all willing to stand up to the rest of them for what was right.

Once we couldn't hear them anymore, I let out a breath in relief. "Whew! That was close. Nice thinking, Jeb."

"Inspiration in desperation. But we're not out of the woods yet," he said.

"Don't I know it! You didn't leave the gun anywhere obvious, did you?" It would be just like my brother to go searching for it.

"Nope. I figured this might be comin' on soon."

"That's something, at least." So they would have to do it with their hands if they wanted to. It would be a lot easier to protect her this way.

Wanda wasn't even worried about herself, though. She was staring at Jamie in horror. He was trembling, obviously upset. She walked over to him and patted him on the back while he threw his arms around her waist. "It's okay," she said, her lie as clear as if it were written across her face.

"He won't hurt you. I won't let him," Jamie said, trying not to cry. I knew Jared was only trying to protect him but I hoped he would realize quickly that he was only hurting him more by trying to get rid of Wanda.

"Shh," she said.

I thumped him on the back. "Don't agonize over it, kid," I said. "You're not in this alone." I knew that I would do whatever I could to keep her safe, and I'm sure the others left in the room felt the same way.

"They're just shocked, that's all," Trudy said. "Once we get a chance to explain, they'll see reason."

"See reason? Kyle?" Heath muttered in disbelief. I had to hold in a laugh at that. He was right, my brother wouldn't be able to see reason even if it danced naked in front of him.

"We knew this was coming," Jeb muttered. "Just got to weather it. Storms pass."

"Maybe you ought to find that gun," Lily said calmly. "Tonight might be a long one. Wanda can stay with Heidi and me –"

"I think it might be better to keep her somewhere else," I said. If I knew my brother as well as I thought I did, he would look in everyone's room until he found her. "Maybe in the southern tunnels? I'll keep an eye on her. Jeb, wanna lend me a hand?"

"They wouldn't look for her with me," Walter offered.

"I'll tag along with you, Ian. There's six of them," Wes said.

"No," she said softly. She looked horrified at the idea of inconveniencing any of us. She would never survive the night if she was going to be this selfless. "No. That's not right. You shouldn't fight with each other. You all belong here. You belong together. Not fighting, not because of me." She carefully pulled Jamie off of her. I couldn't believe it, she was going to go find one of them so she could keep the peace. Once again, I couldn't understand how anyone would want to harm someone this _good_. "I just need a minute to myself. I need to be alone. And you should have a chance to discuss this without me listening. It's not fair – having to discuss strategy in front of the enemy."

"Now, don't be like that," Jeb said. He must have objected as much as I did to her calling herself the enemy.

"Let me have some time to think, Jeb," she said. She took a step out of Jamie's reach so he couldn't stop her but I put my hand on her shoulder to keep her there. She had to see reason.

"It's not a good idea for you to be wandering around by yourself."

She leaned close and whispered, "Why prolong the inevitable? Will it get easier or harder for him?" Then she ducked under my hand and sprinted out of the room. I couldn't believe she was willing to do this just because she wanted to make it easier on Jamie. Like there was any way he would welcome her death. If Jared was the one to kill her, Jamie would never forgive him. It would have been better if she just let us protect her.

"Wanda!" Jamie called after her.

"Shhh, kid!" Jeb said quietly. "We don't want them to know that she's alone right now." We all watched him then, waiting for him to make a decision on what to do. Finally, he said, "A couple of us will go looking for her. If you find her, come find me and I'll bring the gun. Everyone else should just go on and act like everything is completely normal, okay?" They all nodded. Jamie, Wes, and Lily all went looking for Wanda while Trudy, Geoffrey, Heath and Walter all went back to their rooms. Jeb turned to me then and said, "It would be best if we kept Kyle distracted for a while."

I nodded. I ran quickly down to the hospital wing to warn Doc about what was happening. When I got there, I noticed that there were four people laying on the cots that I had never seen before. Doc was standing over a fifth one that was on his makeshift operating table, looking torn. "So they brought more back," I said softly.

Doc nodded. "It's a shame Wanda doesn't know more about Healing. She would know how to do this, then."

I scowled. Somehow, I didn't think Wanda would tell us how to take a soul out even if she knew the procedure. Befriending her must have really messed me up because I couldn't even agree with doing this anymore. "Are you sure you want to do this, Doc?" I asked. He was always so upset when he failed. He hated knowing that he was the cause of death for the hosts.

"I have to, Ian. We need hope," he said softly. "Do you mind watching them while I work on this one?"

I nodded and pulled up a chair. Someone always had to watch to make sure that the others stayed unconscious. Once, one of them had woken up, realized what we were doing and shredded his brain before we could stop him. I had only been there for a few minutes when Kyle and Brandt walked in. Kyle glared at me in silence. He must be more than annoyed that I had stopped him from hurting Wanda. I was worried when Jared didn't follow soon after them. "Where's Jared?" I asked quietly.

"Hopefully killing your new pet," Kyle sneered. "Tell me, Ian. How did it manage to brainwash you?"

"It didn't brainwash anyone," I said defensively. "Wanda is –"

He interrupted me. "How can you call it by a human name? It's not human, Ian! It would gladly sell us all down the river to the Seekers if it could!"

"She's not like that!" I said. I'm not sure why but I had the strangest need to defend Wanda to my brother.

He shook his head. "How anyone ever thought you were the smarter one, I don't know."

I smirked. "That's because my brain isn't the size of a pea, Kyle."

"Just because your head is bigger doesn't mean that your brain is, Ian," he retorted. I knew this was our way of making up. It wouldn't last for long but it was nice to have a truce at the moment, especially since I had told Jeb I would keep him busy until they were able to find Wanda.

I was about to answer him when Jared walked in. He was a lot cleaner than he had been before but there was dried blood on his mouth, chin and shirt. My stomach dropped when I realized that he must have found Wanda. Someone had to have been with her because she wouldn't have hit him back. I could only hope that they had succeeded in stopping him.

"What happened to you?" Kyle asked.

Jared shook his head at Kyle. "Did it work?" he asked Doc, who was finishing up with the person he had on the table.

Doc shook his head, his face mangled with his pain. "I don't know if I can keep doing this," he whispered.

"You have to," Jared said softly. Of course he was going to encourage Doc, he had a reason for Doc to find the way to get the parasites out now. But the idea of taking Wanda out of Melanie made me sick to my stomach. I watched in silence as Doc worked on two more of them before I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'll start digging," I said softly. Kyle and Brandt followed me out while Jared stayed behind to comfort Doc, who was getting more and more upset. He had been so sure that he was close last time but it didn't look like he was making any progress at all. We dug the graves in silence, and then brought the bodies out. It was hard to see Doc then, he was covered in blood and that strange silvery substance that the souls were made up of, half drunk and crying. It was hard on him, having to do things like that but it was like he said, we needed the hope that someday we would find a way to get them out of their human bodies. We didn't finish burying them until it was the middle of the morning.

I hurried back in afterwards. I wanted to make sure that I got inside before Kyle and Jared did. I had to find out if Wanda had made it through the night and if she had, I had to keep her out of the way until they both passed out. I was incredibly relieved when I ran into her and Jamie in the main field room. "There you are," I said softly. I grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her into one of the dark tunnels around the room. It was the strangest thing, once Wanda heard Jared's voice, she actually started to strain against my hold. I couldn't understand why she'd want to see the man who was so eager to kill her. We stayed hidden in the darkness until their voices faded away and then we were back out in the larger room. It was then that I noticed she was carrying a large bin of dishes. "No dishes now," I said. Jared and Kyle would have to clean up soon. "Let's give them a chance to clean up and move on." She turned her head towards the river room and that was when I saw what Jared must have done to her last night.

The side of her face was covered in dried blood and there was an array of black, yellow and blue forming a brand new bruise. I couldn't explain the rage that was boiling inside of me, or the strange urge I had to go beat his head in. Logically, Jared had every right to be upset with Wanda. She had taken over the body of the woman he loved and now he had to see her and be reminded of his pain every day. But she didn't deserve it. Wanda was one of the sweetest people I had ever met and she wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone. And I was pretty sure that if Jared mentioned how much it upset him to see Melanie's face everyday, she would have gone out into the desert to die just so that he wouldn't have to see her. She was so inherently _good_ that I couldn't see why anyone would ever want to hurt her. I raised my hand to touch it but she flinched and I dropped it. "That makes me so sick," I said. "And worse, knowing that if I hadn't stayed behind, I might have been the one to do it…" I was sure that if I hadn't been able to observe her these past few weeks, I would feel the same way as my brother.

She shook her head. "It's nothing, Ian." Of course she would try to downplay her injury.

"I don't agree with _that_," I muttered. I turned to Jamie and said, "You probably ought to get to school. It's better that we get everything back to normal as soon as possible."

Jamie groaned. "Sharon will be a _nightmare_ today."

"Time to take one for team," I grinned. "I don't envy you."

He sighed and said, "Keep an eye on Wanda."

"Will do." I watched as he left reluctantly. It was good to know that he cared about protecting Wanda just as much as I did… or maybe he just didn't want to be around Sharon today. When he was out of sight, I grabbed the bin of dirty dishes from her. "Here, give me those."

"They weren't too heavy for me," she said.

I smiled again. "I feel silly standing here with my arms empty while you lug these around. Chalk it up to gallantry. C'mon – let's go relax somewhere out of the way until the coast is clear." She looked confused at my statement, like she wasn't sure what gallantry was or how it applied to her. I would have explained it but we had to get out of the big room quickly before Jared and Kyle finished eating. I lead her all the way to the second field, and then I made my way to the middle of it. I didn't stop until we were completely hidden by the cornstalks. I set the dishes down and then I laid down in the dirt. The exhaustion was starting to catch up to me now that I knew she was safe.

"Well, this is out of way," she said as she sat down next to me. "But shouldn't we be working?"

"You work too hard, Wanda. You're the only one who never takes a day off," I said. It was like she thought working so hard would make up for the fact that she was a soul. It was ridiculous.

"It gives me something to do," she lied. It was so easy to spot her lies now, it was actually kind of amusing.

"Everyone is taking a break today, so you might as well."

She stared at me for a long moment and said, "You look like you've been working."

I really hoped she wasn't going to ask me what I had been doing. I didn't want to lie to her. "But I'm resting now."

"Jamie won't tell me what's going on."

It was better this way. I was glad she wasn't going to ask me directly because it made it easier to step around that particular minefield. Besides, there was something else I was thinking about right. "No. And neither will I. It's nothing you want to know anyway," I said, sighing sadly. I knew she wouldn't like what Doc was doing and she was scared enough of him as it was. "It's not really fair, seeing as I won't answer your question, but do you mind if I ask you one?"

"Go ahead."

I stared down at the ground, suddenly feeling stupid about what I was about to say. "I know you're not a liar. I know that now. I'll believe you, whatever your answer is. I didn't buy Jeb's story before, but he and Doc are pretty convinced… Wanda? Is she still in there with you? The girl whose body you wear?"

She looked at me as if she were deciding exactly how much she could tell me. I hoped she knew that she could trust me now. "Yes," she said. "Melanie is still here."

I nodded. It felt like one of my greatest hopes had come true. There was a way to stay aware, to not be erased when one of those worms was inserted into you. "What is it like? For you? For her?"

"It's… frustrating, for us both. At first I would have given anything to have her disappear the way she should have. But now I… I've gotten used to her." She smiled and said, "Sometimes it's nice to have the company. It's harder for her. She's like a prisoner in many ways. Locked away in my head. She prefers that captivity to disappearing, though."

"I didn't know there was a choice." But then again, there was so much I didn't know about the souls. Like how some of them were much better at being decent than most humans were.

"There wasn't in the beginning. It wasn't until your kind discovered what was happening that any resistance started. That seems to be the key – knowing what's going to happen. The humans who were taken by surprise didn't fight back."

"So if I were caught?" I asked curiously.

She looked at my face like she was appraising me. "I doubt you would disappear. Things have changed, though. When they catch full-grown humans now, they don't offer them as hosts. Too many problems. Problems like _me_. Going soft, getting sympathetic to my host, losing my way…"

That didn't sit right with me. I didn't like to think about what would happen if I was caught, it was too unpleasant, but I couldn't stop myself from wondering what they would do with me if they wouldn't offer me as a host. Would they just kill me or would they torture me until I told them where everyone was? I didn't want to ask, because I really didn't want to know, but my curiosity did me in. "What would they do with me, then, if they caught me now?"

"They'd still do an insertion, I think. Trying to get information. Probably they'd put a Seeker in you." I shuddered at the thought. "But they wouldn't keep you as a host. Whether they found the information or not, you would be… discarded." She didn't look like she liked the idea very much. It was then that I realized that we had crossed some line here, surrounded by corn and dirt. She had trusted me with her secret about Melanie, the one that only Jamie, Jeb, and Doc knew because they were the only ones who would believe her. And I believed her, because I trusted her. We had become real, honest, good friends somehow. It felt nice, knowing that I was able to look past the fact that she was an alien and she was able to look past the fact that I had tried to kill her.

"And if they caught _you_?" I asked. I was curious. I mean, if they would kill a human than what would they do if they caught someone who had given information to the humans?

"If they realized who I was… if anyone is still looking for me…" She must have remembered the Seeker in black because she shuddered at the thought of someone looking for her. "They would take me out and put me in another host. Someone young, tractable. They would hope that I would be able to be myself again. Maybe they would ship me off-planet – get me away from the bad influences."

"Would you be yourself again?"

"I _am_ myself. I haven't lost myself to Melanie. I would feel the same as I do now, even as a Bear or a Flower." I don't know why, but I was happy to know that this was all her.

"They wouldn't _discard_ you?"

"Not a soul. We have no capital punishment for our kind. Or any punishment, really. Whatever they did, it would be to save me. I used to think there was no need for any other way, but now I have myself as proof against that theory. It would probably be right to discard me. I'm a traitor, aren't I?"

I pursed my lips and thought about that. I couldn't think of her as a traitor. It wasn't like she was giving us secrets about the souls. "More an expatriate, I'd say. You haven't turned on them; you've just left their society." We sat in a thoughtful silence then. Finally, I sighed and said, "When Doc sobers up, we'll get him to take a look at your face." I raised my hand to her cheek and she didn't flinch away this time. I turned her head to the side so I could look at it properly.

"It's not important. I'm sure it looks worse than it is."

"I hope so – it looks awful." Like he had literally picked her up and thrown her face first into a wall. I stood up and stretched. "I suppose we've hidden long enough that Kyle's clean and unconscious. Want some help with the dishes?' I knew I would follow her around for the rest of the day, and all the days after this one, because I had a real reason to protect from the others now. She was my friend, a very good one at that, and I always looked after my friends.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** The Host belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** A good portion of the dialogue is from the book, pages 288 – 361. Thank you to Midnight Sapphire Eyes, ChampionShoes, lil pink pixie, melissaturkey, Malin.Eclipse, Jess, amethyst-dreams27, ashley-anne-cullen and Maxegirl1313 for all of your reviews! They are much appreciated. And please review! I love knowing what people think when they are reading my stuff, even if it something like 'I hate your face and I hope you never write again!'

**Four**

I guess I should have realized that my feelings for Wanda weren't exactly just platonic when I tried to protect her from Jared. He had every right to want to talk to her and yet I did not want to let him. And the idea of letting him hurt her any more than he already had made me want to hurt him. And I was a little upset with Wanda too. She still looked at Jared like she thought the sun rose and fell out of his ass even after all he had done to her.

I had gone down to the storage area with her so I could sleep and watch her at the same time. My over-protectiveness should have tipped me off but I guess I was too occupied making sure she lived through the day. We had barely been down there for five minutes when I noticed a pale blue light coming around the corner. It felt like my stomach had dropped down to my knees. So this was it, they were coming for her now. I would have to take on my brother and/or one of my good friends to protect her. It didn't feel right, fighting with them, but I would do it because it was the right thing to do. I could only hope I could divert them somehow, maybe make them think she was in another part of the caves until I was able to get Jeb and his rifle. I told her to wait in the darkness while I went to talk to them.

I walked toward the light until I saw who it was. "Jared?" I said, pretending to be surprised. I had hoped it wouldn't be him. It would be difficult to win a fight against Jared.

"I know it's with you." He raised his voice and said mockingly, "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

And she walked towards us. I couldn't believe she could walk so willingly towards her death, with that strange expression of love on her face. The way my stomach twisted at that should have made me see that I liked her, but I was too angry with her at that moment. How could she do this to Jamie? To everyone else that had proven how much they cared about her last night? How could she do this to me? If she died now, it wouldn't make anything easier. It would just create a rift in the society here, one that I was sure we would never be able to overcome. My muscles tensed up and I was ready to fight him if he tried anything.

He sat down on one of the mats and looked at me with a weary expression. "At ease. I just want to talk to it. I promised the kid, and I'll stand by that promise."

"Where's Kyle?" I asked. Kyle had made no promises, and Jared might have thought of using him as some kind of loophole.

"Snoring. Your cave might shake apart from the vibrations." I didn't believe a word he said. "I'm not lying, Ian. And I'm not going to kill it. Jeb is right. No matter how messed up this stupid situation is, Jamie has as much say as I do, and he's been totally suckered, so I doubt he'll be giving me the go-ahead anytime soon."

"No one's been suckered," I said. How could he think so little of her? It was easy to see how much she cared about Jamie, it was written all over her face. Just like it was easy to see that she cared about _him_, for whatever stupid reason, and how scared she was right now by the way she trembled as she hugged the far wall.

"It's not in any danger from me, is my point." Then he looked at her and said, "I won't hurt you again."

She took a small step forward. I couldn't tell if this was some kind of ploy, if he was playing on her obvious feelings for him just so he could get close enough to get rid of her. "You don't have to talk to him, Wanda," I said. She had to know that this, getting hurt by Jared, was not the only option. "This isn't a duty or a chore to be done. It's not mandatory. You have a choice."

Jared looked confused at my words, like he didn't understand how anyone could care about her. It only made me want to hit him more.

"No," she whispered. "I'll talk to him." Jared raised his hand at her words and gestured for her to come closer, and she actually walked towards him. It was like watching a gazelle walk willingly into a lion's den. I stayed close to her; I couldn't let her walk into this alone.

"I'd like to talk to it alone, if you don't mind," he said.

How stupid did he think I was? "I do mind," I said.

"No, Ian, it's okay," she said. "Go get some sleep. I'll be fine." She nudged my arm like she was trying to push me out of the hallway. Was she really that eager for death?

I had to make sure this wasn't some kind of self-sacrificing act to make things easier for Jamie. "This isn't some death wish? Sparing the kid?"

"No. Jared wouldn't lie to Jamie about this." But how could she be so sure of that? "Please, Ian," she pleaded. "I want to talk to him."

I looked at her a long moment, trying to decide if I was going to let her go through with it. I realized that I couldn't stop her, she really honestly wanted to talk to him. I turned to Jared and said, "Her name is _Wanda_, not _it._ You will not touch her. Any mark you leave on her, I will double on your worthless hide." Then I turned abruptly and stalked down the hallway. I was so angry that I wanted to hit something, preferably Jared, but I couldn't because I knew that it would upset Wanda. I was almost as worried as the kid was about if Wanda would make it out of this encounter alive, but I couldn't sit at the end of the hallway with him. It would be just a little undignified. Besides, I could barely keep my eyes open, so I went to the room I shared with Kyle and hoped that Wanda would still be alive when I woke up.

And I really should have noticed it when she spent all of her time comforting Walter in the hospital wing. I was struck once again by how selfless she truly was. She didn't seem to care how uncomfortable she was, how little sleep she got, as long as Walter could be happy in his last few days. She sat through his awful last few hours, even while my idiot brother and Brandt tried to tie her up because of the Seeker in black. And that was all _Wanda_. It was getting a lot easier to differentiate between her and Melanie now. It made sense for Wanda to love Jamie and Jared because Melanie had loved them. Those emotions hadn't been erased when Wanda had been inserted into her, especially since Melanie was still inside there. But Walter had been only Wanda's friend, he had no ties to Melanie. And she had been willing to sit through his screams of pain, ones that no one else could sit through, even though she hardly knew him. She truly was an amazing creature. And the fact that some people in the caves had been angry with Doc for letting her sit with him made me sick to my stomach.

But I didn't really get it until I heard her yelling the morning of Walter's death. I had suspected that Kyle would try something soon. He had been severely disappointed when he realized that Jared would uphold his promise to Jamie and the Seeker in black showing up in the helicopter had only set him over the edge. He had given me this weird speech the night before about how hard it was to do what was _right_, even if some people would hold it against him. I knew he wasn't just talking out of his ass but I hadn't expected him to act so soon. But when I heard her cries for help, it felt like my stomach was full of lead. It was at that moment that I realized that I didn't want her to die because I _liked_ her. A world without Wanda would be terribly dark. And it didn't matter if she didn't feel the same way, I would take on anyone that threatened her, even my brother. I ran to Jeb, told him my suspicions and grabbed his gun before he could say anything. And then I ran as fast as I could to the river rooms.

"Wanda!" I called. "Where are you?" I jumped into the room, ready to hold the gun on my brother but I wasn't ready for what I saw. The floor was broken near one of the steaming hot rivers and Kyle was falling down into it. Wanda had her arms under his shoulders, trying to pull him up out of the hole. But she couldn't hold him for much longer, he was so much heavier than she was. I threw the gun down near the doorway and walked towards them.

"Get down," she warned. "Disperse your weight!"

I dropped to all fours and hurried over to her. "Don't let go," I said. My brother may be an idiot, and I might have been on the verge of killing him myself just a few seconds ago, but I wasn't ready for him to die. Not like this. She groaned in pain and I saw that she was losing her grip. I tried to figure out the best way to get him out of there. It would be difficult, there was a pillar obstructing a good portion of the hole. I slid behind her and grabbed onto my brother's arms. "One, two, three," I grunted as I pulled him securely against the rock. Unfortunately, this smashed her face into the pillar. "I'm going to pull him to this side. Can you squeeze out?"

"I'll try," she said, letting go of him. She slid out slowly, careful not to put herself on the unsteady rock. Once she was gone, I was able to pull Kyle out of the hole and drag him across the floor, little by little. It took every ounce of strength that I had. By the time I had dragged him over to the doorway, I was panting from the exertion.

"What… the hell… happened?" I asked in between gasps for breath.

"Our weight… was too… much. Floor caved in," she said. She was exhausted from the effort of saving him too.

"What were you doing… by the edge? With Kyle?" There was no way he would go near her willingly, unless, of course, he was killing her. She put her head down and ignored my question. "Wanda?"

"Nothing," she lied.

He had tried to kill her. He must have. "You're a rotten liar. You know that, right?" She refused to answer me and kept staring at the ground. "What did he do?" I demanded.

"Nothing." She was lying again.

I put my hand under her chin and pulled her head up so I could see her face. It looked like she had smeared blood all over her head. "Your nose is bleeding." I moved her head to the side. "And there's more blood in your hair."

"I – hit my head when the floor fell."

"On both sides?" I asked. She just shrugged in response. He had tried to kill her and she was lying for him. This was beyond insane. What was she thinking? Why wouldn't she just tell me the truth?

"We should get Kyle to Doc – he really cracked his head when he went down."

"Why are you protecting him? He tried to kill you." But I still couldn't figure out why they were so close to the river… _Holy crap_. "He was going to throw you into the river…" I couldn't believe it. The fact that I was actually related to him made me want to puke. I shoved him away from me and pulled her in for a tight hug. It felt so _right_, holding her in my arms like that, but I was too angry to care at that moment. "I should roll him right back in there and kick him over the edge myself."

I could feel her shaking her head rather than see it. "No."

"Saves time," I said. "Jeb made the rules clear. You try to hurt someone here, there are penalties. There'll be a tribunal."

She tried to pull away from me but I held on harder. I wouldn't let her go now, now that I knew that she was alive and safe. "No," she said. "You can't do that, because no one broke the rules. The floor collapsed, that's all."

"Wanda –" I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't protect him, he would only try to do it again. But she interrupted me.

"He's your brother." Like I really wanted to be reminded of that fact.

"He knew what he was doing. He's my brother, yes, but he did what he did, and you are…" Quickly becoming the one person I can't live without. But I couldn't tell her that, not yet. "You are… my friend."

"He did nothing. He is human," she whispered. "This is his place, not mine."

"We're not having this discussion again. Your definition of human is not the same as mine. To you, it means something… negative. To me, it's a compliment – and by my definition, you are and he isn't. Not after this."

"Human isn't a negative to me. I know you now. But Ian, he's your _brother_." I really wished she would stop bringing that up.

"A fact that shames me." She pushed away from me again and let out a groan of pain. "Are you okay?" I said, pulling back so I could look at her.

"I think so. We need to find Doc, but I don't know if I can walk. I – I hit my leg, when I fell."

I was going to kill him myself if I had to. "Which leg? Let me see."

She straightened out her right leg and I started at the ankle. I couldn't really see any bruises, but it might not have had time to swell up yet. "Higher," she said. "Here." She grabbed my hand and pulled it up to the back of her thigh, right above her knee. It was already a sickly yellow color. "It's not broken or anything, I don't think. Just really sore."

"Deep muscle bruise, at least," I said softly, gently pressing against it. She groaned again. "And how did this happen?"

"Must have… landed on a rock when I fell."

I sighed in annoyance. I couldn't see the point in lying now, it's not like I was stupid enough to believe her. And anyways, I had already figured out what had happened. "Okay, let's get you to Doc."

"Kyle needs him more than I do."

Kyle could most definitely _wait_. I was more concerned with her right now. "I have to go find Doc anyway – or some help. I can't carry Kyle that far, but I can certainly carry you." Then I remembered that I had left the gun in the river room. It wouldn't be very prudent to leave it here with Kyle, or anyone else who might be compelled to finish the job for him. "Oops – hold on," I said as I ran back in there to get it. She frowned when I came back with the gun. "Let's go." I gave it to her so I could carry her and she just held it in her open hands. I laughed, "How anyone could be afraid of you…"

I picked her up gently, not wanting to hurt her anymore than she already was. "How'd your clothes get so wet?" I asked, although I was sure she was only going to lie again.

"I don't know," she muttered. "Steam."

"You're missing a shoe."

"Oh."

He must have gotten closer than I had originally thought. I might never know what really happened in that room, but it was a good thing that Kyle had not succeeded. I stared at her intently as we passed under a beam of light. "I'm… _very_ glad that you weren't hurt, Wanda. Hurt worse, I should say."

Jeb found us soon after that. "You were right then," he said, his jaw tightening as he looked her over. "I didn't hear a shot. Kyle?"

"He's unconscious," she said. "You need to warn everyone – part of the floor collapsed in the river room. I don't know how stable it is now. Kyle hit his head really hard trying to get out of the way. He needs Doc."

Jeb raised an eyebrow at this. He was as curious as I was as to what had actually happened in there. "That's the story," I said doubtfully. "And she's apparently sticking to it."

He actually laughed at that, although I didn't find it funny at all. She shouldn't try to save Kyle's miserable life, he definitely didn't deserve it. "Let take that off your hands," he said, grabbing the gun. He laughed again at the disgusted expression on her face as she eyed the gun. "I'll get Andy and Brandt to help me with Kyle. We'll follow behind you."

"Keep a close eye on him when he wakes up," I said. He would be disappointed that he had failed and, if he wasn't injured that badly, he would only try again.

"Can do," Jeb said, walking off to look for help in carrying Kyle.

"Kyle could be really hurt," Wanda said softly. "Jeb should hurry." How could she be worried about him when he had just nearly succeeded in killing her?

"Kyle's head is harder than any rock in this place." I walked slower than normal down the tunnel. Honestly, I didn't want to put her down at the moment. Having her in my arms felt… nice. It was like I was suddenly aware of every nerve ending in my body. And I knew without a doubt that as long as she stayed in my arms, she would be alive and safe. I didn't want to lose that feeling now that I had almost lost her.

Jared and Doc were in the hospital wing when we got there. Their eyes widened when I walked into the room with Wanda in my arms and placed her on the cot next to Walter, who was surprisingly quiet. Jared must have been able to find some painkillers then. I straightened her injured leg out carefully as Doc made his way over to her. "What now?" he asked, sounding pretty angry.

"Kyle," I said simply.

"The floor –" she said at the same time.

I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance. I really wished she would just stop that already. No one was ever going to believe her, she was such a bad liar. "The floor crumbled by the first river hole. Kyle fell back and cracked his head on a rock. Wanda saved his worthless life. She says she fell, too, when the floor gave." I looked at Doc, trying to communicate wordlessly that Kyle had been trying to end her life. "_Something_ bashed the back of her head pretty good. Her nose is bleeding but not broken, I don't think. She's got some damage to the muscle here." I pointed to her thigh, which was now turning a nasty black and blue. "Knees sliced up pretty good, got her face again, but I think maybe I did that, trying to pull Kyle out of the hole." And then I muttered, "Shouldn't have bothered."

"Anything else?" Doc asked. He touched her side and she gasped in pain. I couldn't stop myself from cursing under my breath when he lifted her shirt and revealed another large quickly forming bruise.

I was going to kill him in the most slow and painful way that I could think of. "Let me guess," I said, my voice was low and dangerous. "You fell on a rock."

"Good guess," she said, trying to hold in her whimpers of pain.

"Might have broken a rib, not sure," Doc murmured. "I wish I could give you something for the pain –" Why couldn't he? I'm sure Walter wouldn't mind if Doc gave a little bit to Wanda, at least so she wouldn't feel it while he set the bones and bandaged her up.

"Don't worry about that, Doc," she said, being as selfless as usual. "I'm okay. How's Walter? Did he wake up at all?"

"No, it will take some time to sleep that dose off," he said. He took her wrist and started to bend it, making sure that she didn't have any other hidden injuries. Knowing Wanda, she wouldn't point them out until they fully incapacitated her.

"I'm okay," she said. I rolled my eyes at her again. She was definitely _not_ okay.

"You will be," Doc said softly. "You'll just have to rest for a while. I'll keep an eye on you. Here, turn your head."

I could hear footsteps and I knew that Jeb had finally found enough people to help him carry Kyle. "Not here," I muttered. Jared looked at me in confusion. "They're bringing Kyle. I'm not having them in the same room." Actually, I didn't think I could be in the same room as my brother right now. I was so outraged with him that I might not be able to stop myself from hurting him as much as he hurt Wanda.

"Probably wise," Doc said in agreement.

"I'll get a place ready for her. I'll need you to keep Kyle here until… until we decide what to do with him." She opened her mouth to say something, probably to defend her would-be killer, and I placed my fingers on her lips to silence her. I didn't want to hear it anymore.

"All right," Doc said. "I'll tie him down, if you want."

"If we have to. Is it okay to move her?" I asked. I didn't want to hurt her more in my quest to protect her.

"No," she whispered, her lips moving against my fingertips. It felt like she was setting them on fire. But it was wrong to feel that way now and I pulled my hand away quickly. "Walter. I want to be here for Walter."

Even now, she was willing to forgo her pain and safety to be there for her friend. It felt wrong to deny her this but I couldn't let her stay in here with my brother. He didn't deserve to be in her presence. "You've saved all the lives you can save today, Wanda," I said gently.

"I want to say… to say good – goodbye." She sounded so upset. It was reasonable request so I nodded.

Then I realized that Jared was still in the room. I didn't think he would hurt her but I had to be sure. I wouldn't let her live through anything remotely like this morning again. "Can I trust you?" His face flushed with anger and I held my hand up to stop him from shouting at me. "I don't want to leave her unprotected while I find her a safe place. I don't know if Kyle will be conscious when he arrives. If Jeb shoots him, it will upset her. But you and Doc should be able to handle him. I don't want Doc to be on his own, and force Jeb's hand."

"Doc won't be on his own," Jared said through clenched teeth.

I still didn't entirely trust him, though. He had made it clear that he thought life would be better without Wanda around and Kyle would be able to get rid of her without him having to break his promise to Jamie. Wanda wouldn't like it if Jeb had to pull the gun on Jared, as well. "She's been through hell in the past couple of days. Remember that."

He nodded, his jaw still clenched in anger.

"I'll be here," Doc said softly.

I looked Doc in the eye and I knew that he was willing to step in between Wanda and Kyle… or Jared, if it came to that. "Okay." I turned to Wanda then and said, "I'll be back soon. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not."

I didn't quite believe her. I leaned over her and kissed her on the forehead. I heard someone gasp but I didn't pay them any attention. This was only for Wanda. I had to let her know that there were people here who honestly cared for her and this was the only way I could think of doing it. I almost laughed at her shocked expression when I turned and ran out of the room. I knew that the best place for Wanda to stay would be either in Jeb's room or mine and since I was feeling a little selfish, I decided she should stay with me. And I definitely did not want to share a room with Kyle anymore, not after today. I still couldn't believe that he would actually attack her like that. I was determined to get his stuff out of there _right now_ because the longer I thought about him, the more I wanted to kill him.

Jamie ran up to me in the hallway outside our rooms. "What happened?" he asked, sounding more than a little worried. "Is Wanda okay?"

I really did not want to be the one to break the news to him. "She'll be fine, kid," I said.

"What happened to her?" he asked again.

I stopped. "Kyle got to her this morning, in the river rooms. But she's fine," I said quickly, noticing the pained look on his face. "It backfired on him."

He turned and started to run off to the hospital wing. I grabbed the back of his shirt to stop him. It wouldn't be a good idea for him to go down there right now. Who knew if Kyle was conscious, and how he was behaving if he was? "Come on," I said. "Help me get Kyle's stuff out of my room."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because Wanda's going to stay in my room until Kyle is dealt with," I said, trying not to let my anger show in my voice. I didn't want the kid to know that I was very close to murdering my own brother at the moment. We cleared his side of the room pretty quickly and ended up bringing all of his stuff to Brandt's room, although I was perfectly fine with throwing it in the river. I tried to make Jamie go to class after that so I could go back down to the hospital wing without him but he refused to do anything until he saw her. Finally, I decided to just go down there with him because I was just as worried about her as he was. By the time we got there, Wanda had been knocked out by the pain medication that Doc had given her and Walter was dead. It was a blow to us all. Walter was a good man and it was hard knowing that he died in so much pain. We decided it would be best to bury him outside beneath a pile of boulders. It was a little unnerving, spending any amount of time out in the desert. We all felt vulnerable out there, especially since everyone in the caves wanted to be there to say goodbye, even Wanda.

I was upset by the fact that people were actually objecting to her being there. She had done so much for Walter, had sat with him through his excruciating last hours when no one else would have gone down there, and they still felt like she shouldn't have been there. I was so disgusted with almost everyone that, if I had had a safe place to go, I probably would have taken Wanda and left. They made us keep her unconscious and blindfolded while we took her outside. And even then, they tried to hurry the funeral up so that Wanda wouldn't be able to pay her respects. I couldn't believe that they would disrespect Walter's memory and his wishes like that. In the end, Wanda woke up in time to say goodbye but we had to put her under in order to bring her back in the caves. She didn't like the morphine, said it made her sick, and I felt awful making Doc give it to her.

I stayed up practically the whole night, watching her. It might have been a little creepy, I guess, but I couldn't stop looking at her now. It was strange, knowing that I was falling in love with her, harder and faster than I had ever fallen before, and knowing that I had almost lost her. And technically, she wasn't even human! What did the fact that I was falling for an alien say about me? But the truth was that she was exactly the kind of person that I had always wanted to be with. She was kind, selfless, and so caring that she would go out of her way even for those who thought she was better off dead. But there were so many complications here… I had a feeling that while Wanda might welcome my advances, Melanie wouldn't. And I'm sure Wanda would be willing to give up any happiness that she might have with me if Melanie asked her to. Jared would be a problem too. Although he had a hard time even being civil to Wanda, he would always feel like he had a claim on Melanie's body. I felt like I had just stepped into some kind of really messed up soap opera.

She was unconscious for a while and I was relieved when she finally started to wake up. "Finally," I muttered. "Hungry?" She made a gagging noise and I remembered how she had said that morphine made Melanie sick. "Oh. Never mind. Sorry. Again. We had to do it. People got all… paranoid when we took you outside."

"S'okay," she said, sighing. Of course she wouldn't hold it against me, or even the people who hadn't wanted her out there, although I kind of wished that she would.

"Want some water?" I asked.

"No." She opened her eyes finally and stared up at the ceiling, probably noticing that she was in a different room than usual. "Where am I?"

"Your room," I said. It was her room now. I was willing to give it up if she didn't want me there. She started searching for something in the dark, I don't know what, but when she touched my hand I grabbed onto her and didn't let go.

"Whose room is it really?" Of course, she would pick up on the fact that we hadn't exactly had any spare rooms before.

"Yours."

"Ian…"

"It used to be ours – Kyle's and mine. Kyle's being held in the hospital wing until things can be decided. I can move in with Wes."

"I'm not taking your room." I grinned. She had just inadvertently admitted that she wanted to room with me. "And what do you mean, until things can be decided?"

I had to hold in a sigh. I didn't really want her to go to the tribunal, she would only try to lie so that he could get off punishment-free for what he had done. "I told you there would be a tribunal." Kyle had to pay for what he did, he just had to.

"When?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because if you're going through with that, then I have to be there. To explain."

"To lie."

"When?" she said, avoiding my accusation by repeating her question.

"First light. I won't take you."

"Then I'll take myself. I know I'll be able to walk as soon as my head stops spinning."

She wouldn't be able to walk, of course. The muscle in her leg was pretty badly bruised and she would never make it on her own. "You would, wouldn't you?"

"Yes. It's not fair if you don't let me speak." Of course she would be concerned with fairness now, instead of when it really mattered. Kyle wasn't being _fair_ when he tried to throw her in the river. Sharon and Maggie weren't being _fair_ when they tried to keep her away from Walter's funeral. Why couldn't she be worried about fairness when it wasn't being applied to her?

I sighed and stood up, stretching out my sore muscles. It felt like I had been sitting in that one position for hours. "I'll be back soon. You might not be hungry, but I'm starving."

"You had a long night," she said.

"Yes."

"If it gets light, I won't sit here waiting for you."

I laughed, although it wasn't really all that funny. "I'm sure that's true. So I'll be back before that, and I will help you get where you're going." It was kind of funny how she could make me do anything she wanted, even when I didn't want to at all. I guess it was a good thing for me that she would never take full advantage of that. I hurried down to the kitchen to get some food for the both of us, I knew she would be hungry once the nausea went away, and ignored anyone that tried to talk to me. I didn't really have the time since I had to make sure Wanda was down at the rec room before the tribunal started or else she would most likely hurt herself trying to get down there. I couldn't help but notice the way that Jared was glaring at me. He didn't like that she was staying with me, especially now that he suspected the way I felt about her. I'm surprised he hadn't tried to talk to me about it yet.

When I got back, I asked, "Feeling any better?"

"I think so," she said. "I haven't moved my head yet."

"Do you think it's _you_ reacting to the morphine, or Melanie's body?" I asked curiously.

"It's Mel. She reacts badly to most painkillers. She found that out when she broke her wrist ten years ago."

"It's… odd. Dealing with two people at once." It was something I would have to think about before I acted on my feelings. Melanie was still in there and I'm sure she still loved Jared. And it was Wanda that I cared about. It would have caused a lot less problems if she had been inside someone else's body, someone that wasn't still there. But I felt guilty for wishing for that.

"Odd," she agreed.

"Are you hungry yet?" I asked.

She smiled at me and I had to catch my breath. This was getting a little out of hand. "I thought I smelled bread," she said. "Yes, I think my stomach is past the worst."

I smiled back at her. "I was hoping you'd say that."

I sat down next to her on the mattress and felt for her head. When I found it, I pulled her fingers open and shoved a piece of bread in it. "Help me up?" she asked. I put my arm around her and pulled her into a sitting position. I kept my arm around her, holding her up so she could eat. "Thanks," she said, a little breathless from the pain she must be feeling now. Her ribs were badly bruised, if not broken. She touched the bandage on her side. "Are my ribs broken, then?"

"Doc's not sure. He's doing as much as he can." He hated that he couldn't do more.

"He tries so hard," she said.

"He does."

"I feel bad… that I used to not like him," she said.

She sounded like she was admitting to murder and I had to laugh at that. "Of course you didn't. I'm amazed that you can like any of us." I knew that I wouldn't be able to be as forgiving as she was if I were in her position.

"You've got that turned around," she muttered. I couldn't believe she could be so self-deprecating. Couldn't she see how amazing she was?

She took one bite of the roll and then set it back down. "Not very appetizing, I know," I said, wanting to change the subject. I couldn't listen to her put herself down anymore.

"Just testing – to see if the nausea's really passed," she said.

I smiled at that. I had grabbed a bag of Cheetos from the kitchen for her. She deserved something special after what she had been through the past few days. "Maybe something more appealing…" I said, pulling them out and opening the bag for her.

She smelled the processed cheese right away. "Cheetos! Really? For me?" I lifted one to her mouth and she ate it quickly. "I've been dreaming about this," she said, sighing dreamily. I had to laugh at her reaction. It was about time she was selfish about something, even if it was just Cheetos. "Thank you," she said. "For more than the Cheetos, you know. For so much."

"You're more than welcome, Wanda," I said, trying to convey exactly how welcome she was with those few words. She stared at me curiously, as if she had picked up on what I was trying to do but didn't know exactly what I meant. And then she noticed that it was getting lighter. I sighed. "Are you sure you have to do this?" I asked. She nodded and I knew I would have to bring her to the tribunal. She would go down there no matter what, because that's what she thought was right. She couldn't bear the thought of someone dying in her name and she would do anything she could to stop it, even if it meant crawling down there on broken glass. And I guess that was part of the reason why I was falling for her, because she would rather watch her attacker go free than cause a rift between the people she cared about.


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter was edited on 9/5/08. I've added in a little bit, mostly in the second half. Sorry if this causes any confusion. :\ Thank you to everyone that replied to my author's note! And many thanks to efficacious humoroisty for betaing! :)**

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, Ian belongs to Stephenie Meyer. :( And so does The Host and every other character from it.

**A/N:** This one ended up being _really_ long, so I'm sorry about that. But I hope you guys still like it anyways! :) Thank you to melissaturkey, ChampionShoes, ashley-anne-cullen, Sakiru Yume, StillOnCloud9, Wolf Babies, Jess, ChrissiTine, mandyk24, Naomirocks and fanpersonthingy for all of the reviews! And once again, a good portion of the dialogue is from the book, pages 367 – 435.

**Five**

Jealousy is a strange emotion. It comes out of nowhere for the strangest reasons and it can completely overtake you. Like right now. I was burning up with jealousy as I watched Wanda with Jared while I warmed up for the soccer game with Wes and Jamie. They were just talking, but I still wanted to go over there and break it up. I don't even know why I felt that way. It had become painfully obvious that, while Jared was warming up to her, he would never care for anyone the way he cared for Melanie, even the soul that was inside her now. But I still didn't like it. Wanda was so self-less, she would do whatever either of them asked her to do, even if it meant trying to erase herself so that they could be together. As much as I hated it, I found myself actually glad that Kyle (who was incredibly lucky because Jeb had just decided not to punish him for what he had done to her) was trying his best to pull Jared away from her.

It was hard to lose myself in the soccer game after that. All I could see was the way Wanda looked at Jared, like he was her entire world, and it honestly made me see red. He was lucky that I hadn't literally creamed him by halftime. Trudy and Paige had gone to get some refreshments, and everyone had crowded around the box of granola bars when they came back. I grabbed a bunch of them and made my way over to Wanda. She must have been starving; she'd only had a couple of Cheetos before the tribunal. "Here you go…" I said when I got to her. However, she already had a couple of them.

"Beat ya," Jamie said, smirking at me.

"Oh," Jared said as he appeared next to Jamie. He also had too many granola bars, like he was bringing them over to Wanda as well. For some reason, that didn't sit well with me. Why was he suddenly being so kind to her? I didn't like it. I didn't want to be reminded of how Wanda seemed to feel about him. And he was looking at me like he knew how I felt about Wanda and he didn't like it. He still couldn't see the difference between Wanda and Melanie.

I heard my brother say, "Where's all the food?" I turned and saw him looking around the room, like the granola bars had all gotten up and decided to hide on him. He was such an idiot.

"Catch," Jared said, throwing his granola bars at him, hard. I hoped they would all hit him in the face, but unfortunately, Kyle was able to catch them. Then he jogged over to us, probably looking to see if we had any more extra snacks.

"Here." I shoved half of what I was carrying into his hands without even looking at him. I was still disgusted with him. If it had been up to me, he would be out wandering in the desert right now. "Now go."

Kyle ignored me and looked right past me to Wanda. She recoiled in fear, wincing as she upset one of the injuries he had already inflicted on her. I stood in front of her, trying to block her from his view. Jared did the same and said, "You heard him."

"Can I say something?" he asked, attempting to look past us to Wanda. I didn't say anything, although I didn't want him to speak to her. It was too much to hope that he would apologize to her. "I'm not sorry. I still think it was the right thing to do." I couldn't believe him! How could he say something like that? Didn't he realize that I was only one step away from wringing his neck? I shoved him but he stepped forward again and said, "Hold on, I'm not done."

"Yeah, you are," Jared said, clenching his fists. I tried not to smirk at that. I might be insanely jealous of him at the moment, but it was good to have him on my side. At least there was no way Kyle could harm her now.

Everyone must have noticed the stand-off, because a tense silence filled the room. "No, I'm not," he said, holding his hands up in surrender so I wouldn't shut him up by punching him in the mouth. "I don't think I was wrong, but you did save my life. I don't know why, but you did. So I figure, a life for a life. I won't kill you. I'll pay the debt that way."

I couldn't believe he was acting like _not_ killing her was some kind of act of sainthood. "You stupid jackass," I said.

"Who's got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call _me_ stupid?" he said sarcastically. I couldn't believe that he thought it would be a good idea to antagonize me by actually saying that in front of her! I wanted to know how Wanda was reacting to it, but I was too angry with him. I lifted my fists and leaned forward, getting ready to pound his face in.

"I'll tell you why," Wanda said loudly, effectively breaking up the fight that was just about to start. We all turned to stare at her and she cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable with all of the attention she was getting. "I didn't let you fall because… because I'm not _like_ you. I'm not saying that I'm not… like humans. Because there are others here who would do the same. There are kind and good people here. People like your brother, and Jeb, and Doc… I'm saying that I'm not like you _personally_."

I had to smile at that. Kyle would take it as insult, the fact that Wanda herself was pointing out that she was a better person than he was. I was surprised that she even had it in her to say something like that. "Ouch," Kyle said after a moment. He turned to get some water and called over his shoulder, "A life for a life."

It was easy to lose myself in the soccer games after that. I knew that Kyle would keep his word, it was one of the things he prided himself on. That didn't mean I had forgiven him, though. He wasn't asking for anyone's forgiveness anyways, which only made me angrier. And now that Kyle had said he wouldn't try to kill her, someone else might try to step up and do it. Brandt and Aaron were just as upset that Wanda was being treated humanely as Kyle was, and there was nothing that would stop them from attempting murder. Once the game was over, he tried to give me a high-five, but I stalked past him, ready to take Wanda back to her room. But then he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. I knocked his hand away, and he used it to throw a punch at my stomach. He didn't put a lot of force behind it and I dodged out of the way easily. Then he laughed and gave me a noogie. It was hard to stay upset with Kyle. He was my brother, after all. But I didn't want to forgive him, not yet, so I pushed his hand away. I couldn't stop the small smile from appearing on my face though. "Good game, bro," he said. "You've still got it."

"You're such an idiot, Kyle," I said, dodging him again as he tried to rub his fist into my scalp.

"You got the brains, I got the looks," he said, smirking at me. "Seems fair." He tried to throw another punch but I caught it and twisted him into a headlock. I smiled as he swore at me while trying to get out of it. And all was forgiven then. This was Kyle's way of apologizing to me, because, even though he didn't regret trying to hurt Wanda, he did regret the fact that he had tried to hurt someone that I obviously cared about. It was annoying how Kyle could read me so well. Although my crush on Wanda might have been obvious to Jared, or maybe even Wanda, Kyle was the only one who could see exactly how deep those feelings ran. "Hey," he said softly, nodding towards the doorway of the rec room, "looks like someone's trying to steal your girl." I loosened my grip as I saw Jared holding Wanda's hand in the doorway. I felt that weird burning feeling of jealousy in my chest again, and I was determined to break that little party up. I let go of Kyle entirely and he punched me lightly on the shoulder and said, "See you, Ian."

As I made my way over to them, I heard Jared ask, "Where to?" Like he could actually get her around by just holding her hand. He must have known that was impossible; he was in the hospital wing with me when Doc had looked over all of her injuries.

"Ah…" she said, frowning. "I don't really know. I suppose there's still a mat by the ho – in the storage area."

Why would she say that? She knew that she was more than welcome in my room. I wasn't going to let her sleep in the stupid cramped hole anymore. I reached them then and I put an arm under hers, supporting most of her weight. "I'll get her where she needs to go," I said.

Jared's face was blank as he looked at me, but I knew him well enough to see the anger underneath it. No, he really didn't like the relationship I had with Wanda. "We were just discussing where exactly that would be. She's tired. Maybe the hospital…?"

I knew she wouldn't want to spend any more time in the hospital wing than necessary after what happened with Walter. I shook my head and I could see Wanda shaking hers out of the corner of my eye. "I've got a better place for her. Those cots aren't much softer than rock, and she's got a lot of sore spots."

"Why don't you get lunch?" Jared said, still holding her hand. That didn't sit well with me. "You look hungry. I'll take her wherever you had planned…?"

I chuckled softly. I knew what he was trying to do and I didn't like it. "I'm fine. And honestly, Jared, Wanda needs a bit more help than a hand. I don't know if you're… comfortable enough with the situation to give her that. You see –" I paused and picked her up quickly. She gasped at the pain that must still be there in her side. Jared didn't let go of her, though. " – she's actually had enough exercise for one day, I think. You go on ahead to the kitchen."

He glared at me for a long minute and then said lowly, "I can carry her."

But I knew he wouldn't. He was more accepting of Wanda now but he was still weirded out by the fact that she was literally inside of Melanie. "Can you?" I asked, holding her out to him. He stared at her face for a moment before sighing and dropping her hand. The corners of my mouth twitched in triumph. Then I caught the pained look on Wanda's face, and I had a hard time keeping the jealousy from showing.

"I think I'll tag along," Jared said as I turned and headed for my room. "There's something I want to discuss with you."

And there it was. I knew Jared was going to tell me to stay away from her. I was slightly dreading this talk because I knew it would cause a rift between us. "Suit yourself."

He waited until we had almost reached my room to speak up again. "What's your take on Kyle?" he asked.

"He prides himself on being a man of his word. Usually, I would trust a promise from him. In this situation… I'm not letting her out of my sight."

"Good," Jared said. I could tell that he would help protect her now.

"It will be fine, Ian," Wanda said, speaking up for the first time. "I'm not afraid."

"You don't have to be," I said softly. "I promise – no one is ever going to do something like this to you again. You _will_ be safe here." I stared intensely at her, willing her to see the promise in my eyes. I wouldn't let anything harm her ever again.

"Yes," Jared said from behind me. "You will."

"Thanks," she whispered.

We were silent until we reached my room. I nodded towards the red and grey doors that covered the entrance and said, "Would you mind getting that?"

"_Your_ room?" Jared said skeptically. "This is your better place?"

"It's her room now," I answered, a little offended by what he was implying. Did he really think I would put her somewhere that wasn't one hundred percent safe?

"Where's Kyle staying?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes at him. So this was what was bothering him. Of course I wouldn't ask Kyle to sleep in the same room as her. "With Wes, for now."

"And you?" he said, his eyes narrowing slightly.

He didn't want me to stay with her, either. But I knew Wanda wouldn't want to make me leave, and it's not like I could protect her if I wasn't in there with her. Still, I didn't want to provoke him so I said, "I'm not exactly sure."

"Ian, this is –" Wanda started to say.

"Oh," I said, remembering that she needed her rest. I shouldn't have made her stay out here and listen to this. "You're exhausted, aren't you? Jared, could you get the door, please?" Jared grabbed the red door and moved it out of the way with a little too much force and I tried to hide my smug grin by walking into the room quickly. I set her down carefully on one of the mattresses. "That okay?"

"Yes," she said.

"You look tired."

"I shouldn't be – I've done nothing but sleep lately." I knew it must have been killing her, not being able to keep herself busy. For some reason, she thought working constantly would make everyone feel better about her staying here.

"Your body needs sleep to heal," I said. I could see that she was having trouble keeping her eyelids open. "I'll bring you food later – don't worry about anything."

"Thank you." I was about to turn around and leave her alone to sleep when she said, "Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"This is your room. You'll sleep here, of course."

"You don't mind?" I asked, trying very hard not to smile.

"Why would I?" she asked.

"It's probably a good idea," I said, although Jared wouldn't see it that way. "It's the best way to keep an eye on you. Get some sleep."

Her eyes were already closed as she said, "Okay."

I got up slowly and walked out into the hallway. I still wanted to talk to Jared about the Kyle situation, and I'm sure he had something to say to me. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I put the door back in its place. "Do you think what happened this morning will influence Aaron or Brandt?" I asked in a low voice, not wanting Wanda to hear me if she hadn't already fallen asleep. There was no reason for her to be afraid because I wouldn't let them get to her.

"You mean Kyle getting a bye?" he asked.

"Yeah. They didn't have to… _do_ anything before. Not when it looked so likely that Kyle would do it for them." And now that he had said he wouldn't hurt her, they had all the more reason to try.

"I see your point. I'll speak to them."

"You think that will be enough?" I asked skeptically.

"I've saved both their lives. They owe me. If I ask them for something, they'll do it."

But I thought he put too much stock in their humanity. "You'd bet her life on that?"

Jared thought that over and then said, "We'll keep an eye on her." He stared at me expectantly for a couple of minutes. It was almost like he was waiting for me to leave. "Aren't you going to go eat?" he asked finally.

I didn't want to leave Wanda alone right now so I shook my head. "I think I'll hang out here for a bit… How about you?" I could tell that he didn't like my answer. "What? Is there something you want to say to me, Jared?"

He spoke slowly, as if he were trying to keep the anger out of his words. "The girl in there…"

"Yes?"

"That body doesn't belong to her," he pointed out.

"Your point?" I asked. It was coming now. He was going to tell me to stay away from her, probably try to threaten me. I hoped Wanda was already sleeping, because she wouldn't like the fight that would ensue.

His hands were clenched into fists. "Keep your hands off it," he said, his voice hard.

I chuckled softly. "Jealous, Howe?"

"That's not really the issue," he said, his hands twitching like he wanted nothing more than to hit me at that moment.

"Really," I said sarcastically. He must be pretty far in denial if he didn't think it was jealousy. Even if he had no feelings for Wanda, he would still be jealous of the fact that I was spending time, and would actually be rooming, with Melanie's body.

"Wanda seems to be, more or less, cooperating with Melanie," Jared said, trying to explain to me. He didn't seem as angry now, as if he thought I would see reason perfectly once he had finished saying what he had to say. "It sounds like they're almost… on friendly terms. But obviously Wanda's making the decisions. What if it were you? How would you feel if you were Melanie? What if you were the one… invaded that way? What if you were trapped, and someone else was telling your body what to do? If you couldn't speak for yourself? Wouldn't you want your wishes – as much as they could be known – respected? At the very least by other humans?"

He did have a point. It must be hard for Melanie, being stuck inside Wanda. She probably wouldn't like the way I felt about Wanda either. But someone had to think about Wanda and her feelings, especially since she never seemed to do it herself. "Okay, okay. Point taken. I'll keep that in mind."

"What do you mean, you'll _keep that in mind_?" Jared said, his hands clenching into fists again and his knuckles turning white from the strain.

"I mean that I'll think about it," I said.

"There's nothing to think about," Jared said through his clenched teeth. "The body and the person locked inside it belong to _me_."

But he had been away from Melanie for a long time now. "You're sure that Melanie still feels the –"

"Melanie will always be mine. And I will always be hers," he said quickly, a fierce expression on his face. And I couldn't doubt him then.

"But what if it were you?" I whispered. He was so wrapped up in Melanie that he couldn't see anything from Wanda's perspective. I needed him to see that there were two sides to this. "What if you were stuffed in a human body and let loose on this planet, only to find yourself lost among your own kind? What if you were such a good… person that you tried to save the life you'd taken, that you almost died trying to get her back to her family? What if you then found yourself surrounded by violent aliens who hated you and hurt you and tried to murder you, over and _over_ again? What if you just kept doing whatever you could to save and heal these people despite that? Wouldn't you deserve a life, too? Wouldn't you have earned that much?" He didn't have anything to say to that. "Point taken?"

"I – I'll have to think about that one," he said.

"Do that," I said.

"But still –" he started to say.

I interrupted him with a sigh. I couldn't keep up the act of bravado anymore. While I had feelings for Wanda, it had become painfully clear lately that she didn't return them. "Don't get worked up," I said. "Wanda isn't exactly human, despite the body. She doesn't seem to respond to… physical contact the same way a human would."

Jared actually laughed at that. "Is that your theory?"

I didn't understand what was so funny about that, unless he was delighting in the fact that he would get his way despite my earlier protests. "What's funny?"

He sobered up quickly. "She is quite capable of responding to physical contact. She's human enough for that. Or her body is, anyways." I was speechless. How would he know that? It's not like he could have tried anything, he had only just recently stopped hating her. "Jealous, O'Shea?" he asked, a smug grin on his face.

And I was. The fact that he had tried something with Wanda, and that she had actually responded to him, sent that red heat of jealousy burning through me again. "Actually… I am. Surprisingly so," I said, trying to contain my anger. I couldn't hit him right now, no matter how much I wanted to, because I wanted to know exactly what happened between them. "How would you know that?"

"It was… sort of an experiment."

"An _experiment_?" I asked.

"It didn't go the way I thought it would. Mel punched me," he grinned.

I was actually seeing red at that point. "Melanie… punched… you?"

"It sure wasn't Wanda. You should have seen her face," he said, still smiling at the memory. He noticed my furious expression and asked, "What?" I couldn't stop myself anymore. I shoved him as hard as I could into the rock wall of the hallway. He saw my clenched fists and took a quick step out of my reach. "Hey, Ian, easy, man!"

"Did you think for one moment what that must have done to her?" I said, my voice so quiet in anger that it was practically like I was hissing at him.

"Mel?" he asked. How could he not have realized that he would have hurt Wanda by doing that? If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that he had completely forgotten that she was in there

"No, you fool, Wanda!"

"Done to _Wanda_?" he asked, sounding completely confused by my question. It was as if he didn't even think that Wanda had feelings at all. I was going to literally kill him if he didn't get out of my sight.

"Oh, get out of here. Go eat something. Stay away from me for a few hours." I turned abruptly and yanked the door out of my way roughly, trying not to make a sound. Then I closed the door in Jared's face, not wanting to see him anymore for the day. When I turned around, I saw that Wanda hadn't been sleeping like I thought. She was staring at me wide-eyed, and I knew that she had heard every word we had said. I felt a little ashamed; we shouldn't have been talking about her like that when she could plainly hear us. She must not be very happy with me, but it would be a good segue into the conversation I wanted to have with her. "I guess we weren't as quiet as I thought," I said.

"Sound carries in these caves," she whispered.

I nodded. "So… what do you think?"

"What do I think about what?" she asked.

It felt like she was torturing me. "About our… discussion out there."

She thought it over for a moment and said, "I really don't know."

I nodded. "That's understandable." There was a lot to think about.

"Only because you are very understanding," she said.

I smiled at that and sat down on the bed across from her. "I like you very much, Wanda."

"I'm only just beginning to see that. I guess I'm a little slow."

"It's a surprise for me, too," I said. I hadn't expected to fall for anyone after I had gone on the run. Honestly, I hadn't wanted to. I saw what it did to Kyle when Jodi was taken, and I hadn't wanted to feel any of that pain. But I was glad that it happened with Wanda. I could only hope that she could someday feel the same way. I pursed my lips and asked, "And… I suppose… _that_ is one of the things you don't know how you feel about?"

"No. I mean yes. I… _don't_ know. I… I –"

As cute as it was to watch her fumble for words, I interrupted her. "That's okay. You haven't had long to think about it. And it must seem… strange."

She nodded. "Yes. More than strange. Impossible."

There she went, putting herself down again. But I didn't want to focus on that right now. All that talk about Jared's experiment had given me an idea. "Tell me something," I said.

"If I know the answer," she said. I knew she would be honest with me. And even if she wasn't, I would always be able to see the lie on her face.

I reached across the space between the mattresses and picked up her hand. I held it in both of mine for moment and then slowly ran the fingers of my left hand up her arm to her shoulder. Then, just as slowly, I ran them back down to her wrist. I could see the goose bumps rising on her arm. "Does that feel good or bad to you?" I asked softly. It definitely felt good to me; it was as if I had just poured gasoline on my fingertips and then lit a match. She must have been lost in thought because she was silent for what felt like hours. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Wanda?"

"Melanie says bad," she whispered. So Jared had been right about her. She was openly objecting to me. I had a sinking feeling; I knew Wanda would want to do right by her and that didn't bode well for me.

"What do _you_ say?" I asked.

"I say… I don't know."

That made sense, I guess. I couldn't fault her for that. She must not have been through anything like this before, or at least, she had never mentioned it. And she also had someone who was in love with another person inside there with her. "I can't even imagine how confusing this all must be to you."

"Yes," she nodded. "I'm confused."

I trailed my hand up and down her arm again. I couldn't seem to stop myself from touching her, but I had to take her feelings into consideration. "Would you like me to stop?"

"Yes," she said, and it felt like my heart was getting squeezed in a vice. "That… what you're doing… makes it hard for me to think. And Melanie is… angry at me. That also makes it hard to think."

I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest. This would be so much easier if Melanie wasn't here. "I don't suppose she'd give us a minute alone?"

She laughed at that. "I doubt it."

It wouldn't hurt to try, though. I looked right her directly in the eye and asked, "Melanie Stryder? I'd like the chance to speak with Wanda privately, if you don't mind. Is there any way that could be arranged?" Wanda listened to her for a moment and then wrinkled her nose in disgust. "What did she say?"

"She said no," Wanda replied. "And that she doesn't… like you."

I laughed. I didn't think that she would, especially not after what I was planning. "I can respect that. I can respect _her_. Well, it was worth a try. Kind of puts a damper on things, having an audience." She grimaced, and I knew that Melanie had just said a few not-so-nice things about me. I put my hand on her face and said, "I'll let you think about things, okay? So you can decide how you feel."

"It might take a while. None of this makes any sense, you know," she said.

"I know," I smiled. Of course it wouldn't to her. She never seemed to understand why anyone could like her. But it didn't make any sense to me, either.

"You don't really feel that way about _me_, you know," she whispered, her voice full of chagrin. "It's this body… She's pretty, isn't she?"

I nodded. "She is. Melanie is a very pretty girl. Even beautiful." I reached up and stroked the scars on her bruised cheek. "In spite of what I've done to her face." She looked confused by what I was saying. I reached up and brushed her hair off her forehead. "But, as pretty as she is, she's a stranger to me. She's not the one I… care about."

"Ian, you don't… Nobody _separates_ us the way they should. Not you, not Jamie, not Jeb," she said, her words coming out in a rush. "You _couldn't_ care about me. If you could hold me in your hand, _me_, you would be disgusted. You would throw me to the ground and grind me under your foot."

While that would be my first instinct if I had one of the souls in my hands, I wouldn't do it if I knew that soul was Wanda. I could never hurt her. "I… not if I knew it was you."

She laughed, although I didn't think she found anything funny. "How would you know? You couldn't tell us apart." I frowned at that. It was the truth, they all looked the same. "It's just the body," she said.

But it wasn't the body. I was attracted to Melanie's body, yes, but Wanda was in control of it. And she was the one I was falling for. "That's not true at all," I said. I kneeled down in front of her and grabbed her hand in mine. "It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in that body, but the things you do with it. _You_ are beautiful. I've never known anyone like you."

She sighed, as if she thought I wasn't getting it. "Ian, what if I'd come here in Magnolia's body?"

I grimaced at the thought of that. "Okay. That's a good question," I said, laughing. "I don't know."

"Or Wes's?"

"But you're female – you yourself are," I said.

"And I always request whatever a planet's equivalent is. It seems more… right. But I could be put into a man and I would function just fine."

"But you're not in a man's body."

"See? That's my point. Body and soul. Two different things, in my case."

But she still wasn't seeing my point. "I wouldn't want it without you."

"You wouldn't want _me_ without _it_," she said.

I reached out and put my hand on her cheek again. "But this body is part of you, too. It's part of who you are. And, unless you change your mind and turn us all in, it's who you will always be." And she couldn't just stay stuck in between Melanie and Jared for her whole life. She didn't answer me right away so she must have been talking to Melanie again. "Another internal conversation?"

"We're thinking of our mortality."

"You could live forever if you left us," I said. But she wouldn't because she didn't want to turn us in. That must mean something.

"Yes, I could," she sighed. "You know, humans have the shortest life span of any species I've ever been, except the Spiders. You have so little time."

I knew that. So didn't she think she should do every thing she could to make it worthwhile? "Don't you think then…" I said, leaning in until my nose was almost touching hers, "that maybe you should make the most of what time you have? That you should _live_ while you're alive?" And then I leaned in closer and pressed my lips lightly to hers. Kissing Wanda was so different than kissing anyone else… it was like igniting a fire that burned deep inside me, changing every part of me that it touched. "Good or bad?" I whispered against her lips.

"I – I can't think," she said, and I moved my lips with hers.

"That sounds… good." If it overwhelmed her to the point where she couldn't think, then that must have meant that it wasn't bad. I pressed my lips to hers harder, catching her bottom lip in between mine. And she didn't pull away.

"Please," she whispered against my lips.

"Yes?"

"Please stop. I can't think. Please."

I stopped and pulled away, clasping my hands in front of me. "Okay," I said cautiously. I suddenly felt vulnerable. I had laid everything out in front of her, and now I could only wait and see what her reaction was. She put her hand on her forehead like she had a migraine. "Well, at least no one punched me," I smiled.

"She wanted to do more than that. Ugh. I don't like it when she's mad. It hurts my head. Anger is so… ugly."

"Why didn't she?" I asked curiously.

"Because I didn't lose control. She only breaks free when I'm… overwhelmed." So I had been wrong about that, then. She kneaded her forehead, and I felt bad for causing her pain. Her eyes went blank, like she was staring off into space. I waited for as long as I could and then said, "She's talking to you."

"Yelling at me," she said, correcting me.

"I can tell now. I can see you concentrate on the conversation. I never noticed before today," I said.

"She's not always this vocal."

"I _am_ sorry, Melanie," I said, feeling like I should say something to her so she wouldn't keep torturing Wanda. "I know this must be impossible for you." She winced, and my face twisted into something that was part smile and part grimace. "She doesn't accept." She shook her head. "So she can break free? If you're overwhelmed?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes, if she takes me by surprise and I'm too… emotional. Emotion makes it hard to concentrate. But it's been more difficult for her lately. It's like the door between us is locked. I don't know why. I _tried_ to let her out when Kyle –" she stopped abruptly, still putting on the charade that nothing had happened in the river rooms.

"When Kyle tried to kill you," I said, finishing her sentence for her. "You wanted her free? Why?" She stared at me blankly. "To fight him?" She still didn't answer and I sighed. "Okay. Don't tell me. Why do you think the… door is locked?"

She frowned. "I don't know. Maybe the time passing… It worries us."

"But she broke through before, to punch Jared."

"Yes," she said, shuddering at what must have been a bad memory for her.

"Because you were overwhelmed and emotional?" I asked. It was starting to dawn on me now, the awful truth.

"Yes."

"What did he do? Just kiss you?" She nodded and I flinched. _Ouch_. So apparently, she wasn't overwhelmed before like I had thought, just confused. I couldn't really explain this away. Melanie's feelings for Jared must have transferred over to Wanda, just like her feelings for Jamie had. But exactly how much did Wanda feel for him?

"What? What's wrong?" she asked. I guess I hadn't controlled that reaction well.

"When Jared kisses you, you are… overwhelmed by emotion. And when I kiss you… you aren't sure if you like it. You are not… overwhelmed," I said, sighing.

"Oh," she said, catching on then. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said. It didn't make any sense for her to feel sorry. It wasn't fair of me to push all of this on her and expect her to react positively. "I told you I'd give you time, and I don't mind waiting for you to think things through. I don't mind at all."

"What do you mind?" she asked.

I had to tell her, although I felt like it might be putting just a little bit too much on her at once. "I saw how you loved Jamie. That was always really obvious. I guess I should have seen that _you_ loved Jared, too. Maybe I didn't want to," I said. I had wanted it all to be Melanie, I guess. "It makes sense. You came here for the two of them. You love them both, the same way Melanie did. Jamie like a brother. And Jared…" I stopped then, not wanting to say the words. "How much of that is Melanie?"

"I don't know. Does it matter?"

"Yes. It does to me," I said softly. If she ever did give in to my advances, I didn't want it to be because Jared would never accept her. I refused to be second best. But we had enough time to figure it out. She didn't have to do it all this morning. I laughed and said, "Time is on my side. We've got the rest of our lives in here. One day you'll wonder what you ever saw in Jared."

She laughed with me but before she could say anything, we could hear Jamie outside the doors to my room. "Wanda? Wanda, can I come in?"

"Of course, Jamie," she said.

He got the door out of the way with a little bit of difficulty and said, "Hey, Wanda! Hey, Ian!" She held her hand out to him but I was in the way. He sat down next to her and rested his hand on her foot. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she said.

"Hungry yet? There's beef jerky and corn on the cob! I could get you some."

"I'm okay for now. How are you?" she asked. "I haven't seen you much lately."

He made a face and said, "Sharon gave me detention."

I held in a laugh. Sharon had gotten very liberal with her detentions lately, according to Jamie. She was very upset with Doc at the moment, mostly because of Wanda, and she was taking it out on everyone around her. Wanda smiled and asked, "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I was totally framed." And then he changed the subject quickly by saying, "Guess what? Jared was saying at lunch that he didn't think it was fair for you to have to move out of the room you were used to. He said you should move back in with me! Isn't that great? I asked him if I could tell you right away, and he said that was a good idea. He said you would be in here."

"I'll bet he did," I muttered. That was sneaky. There was no way that Wanda would say no to Jamie.

"So what do you think, Wanda? We get to be roomies again!"

"But Jamie, where will Jared stay?" Wanda asked.

"Wait – let me guess," I said. "I bet he said the room was big enough for three. Am I right?" I couldn't believe him.

"Yeah," Jamie said. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," I said sarcastically.

"So that's good, isn't it, Wanda? It will be just like before we came here!" Wanda's face twisted in pain at his words. Jamie realized what he had said and quickly reassured her, "Oh. No, I mean but with you, too. It will be nice. The four of us, right?"

She tried to laugh through her pain but I could tell that she didn't feel better. I squeezed her hand. "The four of us," she mumbled. "Nice."

Jamie crawled over to Wanda's side of the mattress and put his arms around her neck. "Sorry," he said. "Don't be sad."

"Don't worry about it," she said softly.

"You know I love you, too." Her whole face lit up at that. "Will you come back?" he asked, practically begging. She didn't answer right away and he said. "What does Mel want?"

"She wants to live with you," she whispered.

"And what do you want?" he asked.

"Do you want me to live with you?" she asked him. I could see now that I might as well go and help Kyle move his things back into this room. There was no way that she was going to say no to this, even if living with Jared meant more of that same pain she had felt before.

"You know I do, Wanda. Please." She hesitated for a moment and Jamie pulled out his sad, puppy-dog face. Even I would have a hard time saying no to him then. "Please?" he asked again.

"If that's what you want, Jamie. Okay."

"Woo hoo!" he yelled. "Cool! I'm gonna go tell Jared! I'll get you some food, too, okay?"

"Okay."

He got up quickly and then turned back to me. "You want something, Ian?"

I wanted Wanda to stay in here, with me, but I could see that that wasn't going to happen. "Sure, kid," I said. "I want you to tell Jared he's shameless."

"Huh?" he said, not really getting it.

"Never mind. Go get Wanda some lunch," I said.

"Sure," he said happily. "And I'll ask Wes for his extra bed. Kyle can come back in here and everything will be like it should be!"

I didn't agree with that. "Perfect," I said, rolling my eyes. Of course Jared would get his way, it seemed like he always did.

"Perfect," Wanda said, her face twisting up in pain again.

Life in the caves continued almost normally after that. It was hard watching Wanda with Jared even though I knew he was only doing it to keep her away from me. But he went on a raid with Jamie soon after that day spent in my room, and I was able to be around her again. And she didn't seem that weirded out by what I had said or done that day, so I knew that she was still making her decision. I was still hopeful; I mean, if it took her this long to turn me down then she must feel something towards me. She even teased me about it, saying that I could sleep in her room with her if I managed to beat her at a game of soccer. I did, but it ended up being a wasted effort since Jared and Jamie got back literally right after the game. Luck definitely hadn't been on my side since I had fallen for her. And unfortunately, they brought back more test subjects for Doc.

Wanda managed to sneak past Jamie and I and found out about them, the test subjects, in one of the worst possible ways. I hadn't even noticed that she was gone until I got back with food for the three of us and Jamie was waiting in the main room, alone. He said that she had gone looking for me, and it didn't take me long to figure out what she was doing after that. By the time I was halfway down the south hallway, I could hear her shrieking the word "Monster!" I pushed myself to run faster as I tried not to imagine the worst. I didn't want to think what the consequences of this would be. Wanda was obviously disgusted by what we were doing, but some might think that this might send her over the edge. Wanda was a good person, she wouldn't be able to even begin to understand _why_ we had to do this because she seemed to have a hard time understanding that we were on the losing side of a fight that would cost us our lives.

I was close enough to the hospital wing now that I could hear Doc say, "She's hysterical. Hold on." I slid into the room just in time to see him slap her across the face.

My eyes widened in shock and it felt like the fury was overtaking me. How could Doc, of all people, hurt her like that? I could see what had set her off and I knew that she had a right to react the way she did. There were three dead bodies on the cots, badly hidden beneath dark green blankets. And everything was covered in crimson and silver, human and soul blood mixing together on Doc's makeshift operating table, the walls and the blankets. It was like something straight out of a horror movie, and she had finally seen that humans were just as monstrous as the souls made us out to be. We were ending two lives in our futile quest for hope, killing both the host and the soul inside it in such a brutal fashion that even I had a hard time stomaching it, and sometimes the ends simply don't justify the means. "What are you _doing_?" I yelled, the anger leaking into my voice.

"It's having a seizure or something, Ian," Jared said, still holding her still. Wanda's breaths were coming out in sharp gasps, and she looked absolutely terrified. "Doc's trying to bring it around."

But I knew she wasn't having a seizure. Her expressive hazel eyes were full of accusations as she looked wildly around the blood-spattered room. She was visibly shaking, even though Jared was trying to hold her still, and then her whole face went blank. She lost consciousness and drooped into Jared's arms. "Oh yeah, and a fat lot of good it did her!" I said. I rushed forward and took her roughly from him. How could they not see that violence would only make us worse in her eyes? I turned, ready to carry her back to her room. She shouldn't wake up to this room; it would only make her freak out again.

"Where are you going?" Kyle asked. He had been standing on the other side of the room, watching Wanda in shock.

"I'm taking her to her room." I said through clenched teeth. I was a little too angry to be civil at that moment. "She can't see this again. You guys should clean it up."

"Shouldn't we discuss this, Ian?" he asked. "What if she decides to turn us all in now? The Seeker in black is still out there in the desert, looking for her. There's a pretty good chance that they'd run into each other if she decided to leave."

"Wanda wouldn't do that," I said, my voice was low and dangerous. I couldn't believe that Kyle still saw the worst in her. She was upset by what we were doing, and she would probably be upset for a while, but I knew there was no way she would give us up to the Seekers, especially the one she had run away from. I left the room quickly after that, not wanting to hear what any of them had to say.

Jared wouldn't let me go, though. He followed after us, catching up to me once I had reached the main room. "I didn't think she would react like this," Jared mumbled, completely shocked by her reaction. "I thought she'd have guessed what we were up to. Looks like I was wrong."

"You think that's what happened?" I asked. I was so incredibly angry with him right now. Apparently, it had been his idea to bring them back to the caves. He had a whole new motivation for wanting Doc to find this out now that he knew Melanie was still inside there. The fact that he was trying to actually get rid of Wanda made me want to take him out. It was lucky for him that I had Wanda in my arms at that moment. "That she was scared because Doc was trying to take the souls out? That she was afraid for herself?"

"You don't?" he asked. How could someone so smart be so completely stupid at the same time?

"No. I don't. As disgusted as _I_ am that you would bring back more… victims for Doc, bring them back _now!_ – as much as that turns my stomach, that's not what upset her. How can you be so blind? Can't you imagine what that must have looked like to her in there?"

"I know we had the bodies covered before –"

I interrupted him. "The _wrong bodies_, Jared. Oh, I'm sure Wanda would be upset by a human corpse – she's so gentle; violence and death aren't a part of her normal world. But think what the things on that table must have meant to her."

It took him a minute to understand. "Oh."

"Yes. If you or I had walked in on a human vivisection, with torn body parts, with blood splattered on everything, it wouldn't have been as bad for us as it was for her. We'd have seen it all before – even before the invasion, in horror movies, at least. I'd bet she's never been exposed to anything like that in all her lives."

Wanda must have woken up then. "Let me go," she whispered, sounding panicked. "Put me down."

"I didn't mean to wake you," I said softly, trying not to startle her. "I'm sorry."

"Let me go," she said forcefully.

"You're not well. I'll take you to your room."

"No. Put me down," she ordered.

"Wanda –" I started to say but she interrupted me.

"Now!" she shouted, kicking her legs and shoving me at the same time. Her attack took me by surprise and I dropped her. She managed to land on her feet in a crouch and a second later, she was sprinting down the hall.

"Wanda!" I yelled. I tried to run after her but Jared held me back.

"Let her go."

"Don't touch me!" I said. I managed to twist out of his grasp and I started after her again. "Wanda, come back!" He managed to tackle me and I couldn't get him off, no matter how hard I lashed out at him. And then I wasn't really that concerned with following Wanda, I just wanted to show Jared exactly how angry I was with. It was a warning that I would continue to fight him if he kept trying to get rid of Wanda.

Jeb stumbled upon us a couple minutes later. "Where's Wanda?" he asked urgently. "Doc said you were both bringing her back to her room."

I shoved Jared away from me. Fighting with him wouldn't do any good, even if it did make me feel better. It would only be a matter of time before everyone knew about what had just happened. There were enough people in the caves who thought Wanda would turn on us now that she knew our secret, and they were willing to do anything to stop her from escaping. There was a slightly smaller number that would delight in disposing of her. They would probably construe anything Wanda did as "escaping" just so they could get rid of her, especially since she was completely defenseless at the moment. I couldn't understand why they still saw Wanda as a threat, but I knew that we had to find her before they did.

I spent three hours searching, feeling nothing but anxiety and worry. I was starting to lose hope of ever finding her. As much as I didn't think she would abandon us now, I knew that I wouldn't be able to blame her if she did. What we were doing was monstrous, and I didn't know if I could continue to look the other way as it happened. It seemed like it would only bring more pain. We were in the middle of a war, but we shouldn't let that fact erase our humanity.

Wes was the one to find her. He left her with Jared and then sprinted off to find me. I had been searching all of the deserted corridors near the bedrooms, hoping that I would find her in the dark recesses of the caves. I ran off as soon as he had spit out the words "Wanda's in the rec room." I could only hope that I would get there before someone like Brandt or Sharon found out where she was.

Jared was leaving, without Wanda, by the time I reached the mouth of the massive room. "Where is she?" I asked urgently. I had to see her. I would only feel completely secure in the fact that she was safe when I saw her with my own two eyes.

"She wants to be alone," he said. "Let her be."

But there was no way I was going to make her go through this alone. "Don't get in my way again, Howe." I could feel the adrenaline running through me as my hands closed into fists. It wasn't completely logical, but I was fully ready to fight him if he tried to stop me from seeing Wanda again.

"Do you think she wants comfort from you? From a human?" he asked angrily. I couldn't tell if he wanted me to stay away because he simply didn't want me to hang around Wanda or if he was genuinely concerned about her. It didn't matter to me, though. I wasn't the one who had brought them home with us and I refused to leave Wanda alone while she tried to come to terms with what she had just seen.

"I wasn't a party to this –" I said but he interrupted me.

"Not _this_ time," he said softly, his voice hard with anger. "You're one of us, Ian. Her enemy. Did you hear what she said in there? She was screaming _monsters_. That's how she sees us now. She doesn't want your comfort."

I could see it from his side, I really could. But it pained me to think that Wanda saw me as a monster, her enemy. Hadn't I proven that I wasn't like that? I know I had tried to kill her on her first night here, but I had realized shortly after that how wrong it would be to harm her. I thought I had made up for it with my actions of these past few months, protecting her from those who really were monsters. The irrational side of me won over in that moment and said, "Give me the light."

It didn't take long to find her. She was huddled against the back wall, hugging her knees to her chest, and my heart broke at the look of pain on her face. She had the same expression that loved ones wore at funerals, like she couldn't understand why this had happened. I knew I couldn't reach her then, she had to properly mourn for what she had seen before anyone could even try to take some sense into her. I sat in the dark with her in complete silence all through the first night. She fell asleep huddled against the rock, and I tried to make her more comfortable by putting her head in my lap. When she woke up, she wrenched herself away from me and started to shudder violently, and I knew that she saw me as a monster as well. It was hard to take, mostly because it was the truth. I had taken part in other "experiments," had brought bodies and souls in only so they could die on Doc's table. I was just as bad as they were. The fact that I had changed my mind a few months ago didn't change that, it only made me feel guilty for what I had done.

But I still refused to leave her side while she dealt with this knowledge. She couldn't be alone now. Jared and Kyle had been right before, she saw all humans, even the ones she cared deeply for, as monsters now. She must have thought it was the worst kind of betrayal; we had befriended her while secretly killing many others just like her. I tried to come to terms with the possibility that she might be so disgusted with us that she wouldn't see anything wrong with turning us in now. Many thought that if it came to that, we should subdue her any way we could, but I would never be able to hurt Wanda. And I wouldn't let her face those people alone if it came to that, no matter how illogical it was. I only left to get food, trying to avoid notice so no one knew that Wanda was alone. Once I realized that she was trying to starve herself as some sort of sick way of protesting our decisions, I went on a hunger strike of my own. I didn't want her to stop eating simply because she was mad at us; she would only end up hurting herself. And I couldn't let Wanda kill herself because of us, it was wrong. By the third day, I was practically on my knees begging her to eat. Nothing seemed to work though, so finally I decided to recruit someone else to help me.

I searched everywhere for Jeb but when I couldn't find him, I looked for Jamie instead. I knew Jeb had the best shot at talking her out of this; they seemed to have a mutual level of understanding. I thought I had shared one with her as well, but now wasn't the time to get upset about it. And Jamie was the only one that wouldn't really have to do anything to get her to snap out of it. I found him in his room with Jared and Doc. He looked sick. His face was flushed and covered in sweat but he was shivering. "Ian!" he said as soon as he saw me. "How's Wanda?"

I ignored his question; I was too shocked by his appearance. I was so focused on Wanda that I hadn't even known there was something going on with Jamie. I had thought it was strange that he hadn't tried to see her already, but I simply assumed that Jared had told him not to go looking for her. No one had even mentioned to me that Jamie was sick. "What happened?" I asked.

"The cut's infected," Jared said, looking Jamie over in worry. Jamie had fallen on a knife during the raid and stabbed himself in the leg. It was deep, and I hadn't thought it was this serious, but I could tell now that I had been wrong because he looked awful. And that wasn't even the worst part. Jared nodded towards his injured leg, and I saw the wound. It was about two inches thick, the sides an alarming red, and the skin around it was swollen and shiny. He looked pretty bad. It was obvious that he wasn't putting up that big of a fight against the bacteria. Wanda should be here for this, she would want to be if she were in a better state of mind. She would hate knowing that Jamie was pain. Someone had to talk to her, calm her down enough so that she could come and comfort Jamie. "What's up?" Jared asked, eyeing me curiously.

"I was looking for Jeb. I was hoping he…" I trailed off, not wanting to say anything in front of Jamie. He was already sick; I didn't want to make him worry about Wanda as well.

Jared caught on quickly. "He went down to the rec room almost an hour ago."

He must have been waiting for me to leave. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, not really knowing what to do at that moment. "Ian, how is Wanda?" Jamie asked urgently. He was looking between the two of us in confusion. "Did anything happen to her?"

"No," I said. I didn't want to tell him but I didn't want to lie to him either. "She's still the same, Jamie."

His face fell. "It's alright," Jared said softly. "Jeb's going to talk to her. He'll get her to come back. Don't worry about it."

I nodded in agreement, although I was starting to doubt that Wanda would be able to get over this any time soon. I watched in silence as Doc ran a wet rag over Jamie's face, trying to break his fever. "Everything will be fine," I said, trying to echo Jared's sentiments. But it felt wrong lying to Jamie. I told them I was going to go get some food and then I rushed back to the rec room, hoping that Jeb had talked to her and that she was eating. She would never forgive herself if something happened to Jamie while she was mourning for those strangers.

When I got back, Jeb was sitting with her and she was actually eating. Relief spread through me in an instant. "Here you are, Jeb," I said, trying to express my gratitude without actually saying it. "Jared guessed you might be here."

She scooted over to me and put her hand on mine. "Sorry," she whispered.

I turned my hand over and intertwined our fingers. "Don't apologize to me," I said softly. I was just so happy that she was back to normal again.

"I should have known," she said. "Jeb's right. Of course you fight back. How can I blame you for that?"

But this was different from fighting back. This was torturing innocent humans and souls just so Jared could maybe one day get his Melanie back, at the expense of Wanda, me and everyone else that cared about her. "It's different with you here. It should have stopped."

"All's fair in war," she mumbled, smiling sadly at me. It looked like she understood exactly what Jared was trying to do.

I tried to smile back, but I don't know how well I did. "And love," I said. "You forgot that part."

"Okay, break it up," Jeb muttered, looking a little uncomfortable. "I'm not done here." He took a deep breath. "Now, try not to freak out again, okay?"

She froze and gripped onto my hand tighter. "You're going to tell her now?" I asked anxiously. Couldn't he wait until she had at least finished her breakfast? She was going to practically starve herself with worry over Jamie now.

"What now?" she gasped, looking around in panic. "What is it _now_?"

"It's Jamie." As soon as the words were out of Jeb's mouth, she jumped to her feet, dragging me up with her. And then she swayed like she was about to faint again. "Sheesh. I said don't freak out, Wanda. Jamie's okay. He's just really anxious about you. He heard what happened, and he's been asking for you – worried out his mind, that kid is – and I don't think it's good for him. I came down here to ask you to go see him. But you can't go like this. You look horrible. It will just upset him for no good reason. Sit down and eat some more food."

"His leg?" she asked.

"There's a little infection," I said softly, trying to keep her calm. "Doc wants him to stay down or he'd have come to get you a long time ago. If Jared wasn't practically pinning him to the bed, he would have come anyway."

Jeb nodded. "Jared almost came here and carried you out by force, but I told him to let me speak to you first. It wouldn't do the kid any good to see you catatonic."

"What's being done?" she asked. I could hear the worry clearly in her voice.

"Nothin' _to_ do," he said, shrugging. "Kid's strong; he'll fight it off."

"Nothing to do? What do you mean?" she asked.

"It's a bacterial infection," I said. "We don't have antibiotics anymore."

"Because they don't work!" she said. I could tell that she was starting to get worked up now. It would only be a small matter of time before she went rushing off to find him. I held on to her hand tighter, not wanting to lose her again. "The bacteria are smarter than your medicines. There has to be something better, something else."

"Well, we don't have anything else," Jeb said. "He's a healthy kid. It just has to run its course."

"Run… its… course," she said, not fully understanding what he was saying.

"Eat something," I said, trying to get her to sit back down. "You'll worry him if he sees you like this."

"No," she gasped. And then she moaned, "No," again before turning around and taking off.

I clung onto her hand and said, "Wait." Jeb was right; she couldn't see him like this. It would only freak him out.

Jeb caught up with us then and shoved a roll of bread into her free hand. "Eat for the kid's sake." She grabbed it roughly and practically swallowed it whole. "Knew she was gonna overreact," he muttered.

"So why did you tell her?" I asked, a little frustrated with him. I knew he should have waited but he refused to listen to me.

"Is he in the hospital?" she asked, her voice completely emotionless.

"No, no," I said quickly, not wanting her to freak out again. "He's in your room."

She dragged me through the hallways, we were both practically running, and didn't stop until she reached her room. There were a handful of people waiting in the hallway but only Jared and Doc were in the room with Jamie. It didn't look like there had been any improvement in the last half hour. "Wanda," he said, practically whispering. "Oh, you're okay. Oh."

She fell to her knees beside him, yanking me down with her since she was holding onto my hand like a vice. She brushed her hand across his face. Her elbow touched Doc, and he scooted away from her like he was terrified of her. I knew he must be feeling a little ashamed about what she had seen, but the experiments bothered him just as much so I didn't really think he should feel guilty.

"Jamie, baby, how are you?" she asked softly.

"Stupid," he grinned, happy to see her. "Just plain stupid. Can you believe this?" He pointed to his leg. "Of all the luck."

She grabbed the wet rag off his pillow and wiped it across his forehead. "You're going to be fine," she said. Her voice was thick with determination, like she was planning on simply willing the infection away.

"Of course. It's nothing. But Jared wouldn't let me come talk to you." His voice was anxious when he said, "I heard about… and Wanda, you know I –"

"Shh," she said softly. "Don't even think about it. If I'd had any idea you were sick, I would have been here sooner."

"I'm not really sick. Just a stupid infection. I'm glad you're here, though. I hated not knowing how you were." Her face was full of guilt, but she didn't say anything. "So I heard you schooled Wes the day we got back," he grinned widely. "Man, I wish I could have seen that! I bet Melanie loved it."

"Yes, she did."

"She okay? Not too worried?" he asked.

"Of course she's worried," she murmured. Suddenly, she looked absolutely terrified.

"You okay?" he asked. "Wanda?"

"I'm… tired," she said, though her eyes were still wide in horror. "Jamie, I'm sorry. I'm just… out of it."

Even Jamie could see the lie on her face. "You don't look so good."

"I haven't cleaned up in a while."

"I'm fine, you know," he said. "You should go eat or something. You're pale."

"Don't worry about me," she said.

But someone had to. "I'll get you some food," I said, speaking up for the first time since we entered the room. "You hungry, kid?"

"Ah… no, not really," he said. That was strange; Jamie was always hungry. He must have been worse than I thought.

"Send someone else," Wanda said suddenly, gripping my hand tighter.

That wasn't like Wanda. She would have wanted some time alone with Jamie so she could dote on him even more. "Sure," I said. "Wes, could you get some food? Something for Jamie, too. I'm sure he'll find that appetite by the time you get back." Wes nodded and disappeared from view.

"Jamie, do you mind if I go wash my face? I feel sort of… grimy," she lied. Now I was really starting to get worried. She wouldn't lie to Jamie unless it was something important.

"Course not," he said, frowning at her.

"I'll be right back," she said as she stood up, dragging me along with her again. "I mean it this time."

I only caught a glimpse of Jamie's smile at her weak joke before she dragged me out of the room. We were hurrying through the hallways like earlier, only this time we were practically running away from her room. Instead of continuing into the main room so that she could get to the river rooms, she pulled me into a dark, deserted corridor. "Wanda, what –"

She cut me off. "I need you to help me, Ian," she said frantically.

"Whatever you need. You know that."

She put her hands on either side of my face, and I suddenly couldn't breathe. She stared into my eyes and said, "I need you to kiss me, Ian. Now. Please."

Well… I definitely wasn't expecting that. "You… what?"

"I'll explain in a minute. This isn't fair to you, but… please. Just kiss me."

I would have gladly kissed her right then and there but this didn't feel right. She hadn't made any kind of decision yet, I could tell. So why did she want me to kiss her now? "It won't upset you?" I asked. "Melanie won't bother you?"

"Ian! Please!" I was still incredibly confused but I couldn't pass this up. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her as close as she could get. Then I leaned towards her and pressed my lips against hers gently before pulling back to look at her. I hoped that was enough for her. Honestly, I was a little too worried about her sanity to do anything more right now. She sighed in frustration and said, "No, Ian. Really _kiss_ me. Like… like you're _trying_ to get slapped. Do you understand?"

"No," I said. I didn't want to do anything until I knew what was going on. "What's wrong? Tell me first."

She put her arms around my neck and pulled my face down to hers. Her lips were forceful on mine as she used them to part my lips. I tried to resist her, but then she bit down on my lower lip and I lost all control. My right hand grabbed onto her hair, holding her head in place, while the other one gripped the small of her back. She was as close as she could possibly get, I could feel every inch of her pressed against me, and still I wanted her closer. We were both gasping for breath as our lips moved together, and I maneuvered us so that I had her up against the wall. But then she simply stopped. Her arms went limp and her lips stopped moving. Honestly, I had been expecting this to happen. None of it made any sense to me, and frankly, I didn't really appreciate her using me like this, no matter how much I enjoyed it.

She dropped her arms, and I took a deep breath. Once I had calmed down enough, I put my hands on her shoulders and said, "Explain."

"She's not here," she whispered, still gasping. A part of me felt a little bit smug about that. "I can't find her. Not even now."

"Melanie?" I asked. It was all starting to come together now. She had lost Melanie, and she thought kissing me would anger her enough to bring her back.

"I can't hear her! Ian, how can I go back in to Jamie? He'll know that I'm lying! How can I tell him that I've lost his sister _now_? Ian, he's sick! I can't tell him that! I'll upset him, make it harder for him to get well. I –"

I put my fingers against her lips to stop her before she got really worked up. "Shh, shh. Okay. Let's think about this. When was the last time you heard her?"

"Oh, Ian!" she said, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. "It was right after I saw… in the hospital. And she tried to defend them… and I screamed at her… and I – I made her go away! And I haven't heard her since. I can't find her!"

"Shh," I said again, trying to calm her down. I didn't see why that was such a problem. It was sad that Melanie was gone, but frankly, I'd prefer it if it was just Wanda in there. It would solve so many problems. "Calmly. Okay. Now, what do you really want? I know you don't want to upset Jamie, but he's going to be fine regardless. So, consider – would it be better for you, if –"

"No!" she yelled. "I can't erase Melanie! I can't! That would be wrong! That would make me a monster, too!"

"Okay, okay!" I said. I could see her point, but I still thought it would be better if Melanie disappeared. It's not like we were ever going to be able to take Wanda out of there. And Wanda couldn't stay like this, stuck in between Melanie and Jared and me, it wasn't fair to her. Besides, Wanda hadn't meant to erase her so it's not like anyone could hold it against her, although I didn't think that would stop Jared from blaming her. "Okay. Shh. So we have to find her?" She nodded and I knew I would have to do something that I definitely wasn't going to like. "Then you need to… really be overwhelmed, don't you?"

"I don't know what you mean," she said slowly. But I knew that she did. Melanie came out when Wanda was distracted or overwhelmed by emotion, and I couldn't do that for her. Only Jared could.

"I'll be right back," I said. "Stay _here_." I pressed her against the wall for emphasis. I knew what I had to do, even though I was going to hate every minute of it.

I found Jared in his room. "Jared, can I speak to you out in the hallway?" I asked through clenched teeth.

He looked completely alarmed by my expression. He got up and followed me out of the room. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"There's been a bit of a… problem… with Wanda," I said. I started walking towards the corridor where Wanda was waiting, hoping he would simply follow me there.

"Why? What's wrong? Where is she?" he asked frantically, falling into step with me.

"She's fine," I said. "She just needs one small favor."

"What is it?" he asked curiously.

"You just have to… kiss her," I said, trying to speak calmly.

He stopped walking. "What?" he said, his voice flat and emotionless. "What the hell are you talking about, Ian?"

I grabbed his shoulder and started to pull him forward. He struggled against my hold but I managed to drag him there. "Wanda will explain everything. Just think of it as… an experiment."

"Are you crazy?" Jared asked, sounding very angry even though he wasn't struggling as much now. "Is this some sick joke?"

I wished it was. I wished there was any way I could help Wanda get what she wanted _without_ having to do this. But I couldn't. "Through here," I said, pushing him towards Wanda. She was still leaning against the rock wall of the hallway, looking absolutely mortified.

"Wanda, what's this about?" he asked, completely confused.

She glared at me in reproach. Then she turned to Jared and whispered, "I lost Melanie." I backed out of the hallway quietly then. I couldn't watch him overwhelm her in ways that I wasn't able to. I could feel the jealousy again, burning up every cell in my body and the thought of where Jared's hands probably were at that moment made me want to rip them off. But I couldn't really blame him for this; he was only doing whatever he could to keep the woman he loved around. I took a deep breath to calm myself down, although it didn't really help all that much, and I went back to Jamie's room so that I'd be there when they were done looking for Melanie.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** The Host belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am not making any profit from this.

**A/N:** Here is the chapter! I've gone back and edited in a little bit in Five so that the second half didn't feel so rushed. And thank you to Foxy005, amethyst-dreams27, ashley-anne-cullen, Sakiru Yume, mandyk24, Naomirocks, litnerd, ChampionShoes, KATi HEARTS EDWARD CULLEN, i.heart.you X., MidnightxRed, AvidTwilighterOCD, efficacious humorosity, and Leah Ceyer for all of the reviews! I hope you guys like this chapter as well :) Once again, a good portion of the dialogue is from The Host, pages 436 – 538. And thank you again to efficacious humorosity for betaing!

**Six**

Four days after Wanda left the rec room, Jamie took a turn for the worst and Jared decided that it was time for a raid. Kyle and I joined him, not wanting to leave him alone in his desperation. It was a pointless mission from the start; the worms had thrown away all forms of human medication when they invaded, and unfortunately, even with Wanda we knew absolutely nothing about the alien medicine. And even if we did, there was no way that we would be able to get any. They only kept it near the hospitals and because they were so heavily populated, we would never risk ours lives, and the lives of everyone else in the caves, trying to steal a crate of them. But Jared led us around the entire state of Arizona, searching for absolutely anything that might help the boy.

Three days later, we had only found a cooler of ice. We headed back to the caves feeling completely hopeless. Jamie looked even worse when we got back; he was sickeningly pale and covered in sweat from a fever that was raging out of control. Wanda had the strangest reaction when she saw us return empty-handed. Her face, which was normally full of so much emotion, went completely blank.

"Nothing?" Doc murmured, the second he saw us in the doorway to Jamie's room. "Did you check-"

"Every spot we could think of," Kyle said, interrupting him. "It's not like painkillers, drugs – lots of people had reason to keep those hidden. The antibiotics were always kept in the open. They're gone, Doc." It was disconcerting to know that all of the antibiotics were simply gone; they had seemed so prevalent in our old lives. We had used them as a crutch for so long and now it felt like we were completely vulnerable to disease. Jamie was a prime example of just how easy it was to catch some kind of bug and it was clear that he didn't really stand a chance unless we found something that would help him fight off the infection.

Wanda was as still as a statue. She couldn't tear her eyes from Jamie, watching as Doc tried to cool his fever with the ice we had brought back. I tried to grab her hand but she pulled away from me. "Don't look like that," I whispered, trying to keep our conversation private, which was hard to do since it seemed like everyone in the caves was waiting out in the hallway. "He'll pull through. He's tough."

She was completely silent, like she hadn't heard a word I said. Her eyes were unfocused, and I knew she was talking to Melanie. I couldn't help but wonder what it was like, having two people in the same body who were both so beyond upset. And then Wanda's blank mask, the one she had worn since we showed up, crumpled and I could see the utter hopelessness underneath. I wanted to reach out to her, but it was clear that she didn't want my comfort; she only wanted Jamie to get better. "Jamie needs real medicines. The ones the souls have. We need to get him those," she said softly, her voice low and hoarse from lack of use.

Doc frowned. "We don't even know what those things do, how they work."

"Does it matter?" Wanda asked sharply. "They _do_ work. They can save him." It was so unlike Wanda to snap at anyone, especially Doc. It was like everyone had turned to stare at her, their suspicions confirmed. I rolled my eyes at them. They thought she was trying to trick us, that she was planning on taking Jamie to the Seekers so that they could heal him. They couldn't see that she was full of desperation, willing to do absolutely anything as long as it meant that Jamie would be okay.

"We can't get 'em, Wanda," Jeb said, trying to talk some sense into her. "We can only get into deserted places. There's always a bunch of your kind in a hospital. Twenty-four hours a day. Too many eyes. We won't do Jamie any good if we got caught."

"Sure," Kyle said, one again displaying his ignorance about Wanda. "The centipedes will be only too happy to heal his body when they find us here. And make him one of them. Is that what you're after?"

I could have hit him at that moment if he wasn't so far out of my reach. Wanda turned and glared at him, her muscles tensing as if she actually was going to hurt him. I put my hand on her shoulder to hold her back. Kyle would have no problem hitting a girl if that girl was Wanda. She shook my hand off and turned back to Jeb. Her voice was flat and emotionless when she said, "There has to be a way."

Jared nodded. He was just as desperate as Wanda was to save the boy. "Maybe someplace small," he said, and I could see the plan forming in his head. "The gun would make too much noise, but if there were enough of us to overwhelm them, we could use knives."

"No," Wanda said, completely shocked by his suggestion. "No. That's not what I meant. Not killing –"

Jeb ignored Wanda and tried to argue with Jared. "There's no way, kid. Somebody'd get a call off to the Seekers. Even if we were in and out, something like that would bring 'em down on us in force. We'd be hard-pressed to make it out at all. And they'd follow." It was the truth. While I was willing to do pretty much anything to make Wanda happy, we would never be able to get any of the alien medicine. We couldn't raid a hospital, or even a small clinic, and make it out alive.

"I don't want the boy to die either, but we can't risk everyone's lives for one person," Kyle said. "People die here; it happens. We can't get crazy to save one boy."

Wanda turned and glared at him again, her hands twitching as if she'd like nothing more than to choke him. "We have to save him," she said loudly.

Jeb turned to look at her pityingly. "Hon, we can't just walk in there and ask."

"You can't," she said softly. "But I can." The room fell completely silent and everyone tensed up. It was like they had been waiting months, ever since she showed up, for Wanda to say that. They thought she had accomplished her mission; she had gotten the right people to trust her and now she was going to lead us all to the Seekers. She didn't notice the tension, though, and she continued on with her plan. "They aren't _suspicious_. Not at all. Even if I'm a horrible liar, they would never suspect anything of me. They wouldn't be listening for lies. Of course not. I'm one of them. They would do anything to help me. I'd say I got hurt hiking or something… and then I'd find a way to be alone and I'd take as much as I could hide. Think of it! I could get enough to heal everyone here. To last for years. And Jamie would be fine! Why didn't I think of this before? Maybe it wouldn't have been too late even for Walter." Her face fell when she turned around and saw the way everyone was looking at her. They were all suspicious, even Jeb. It seemed like I was the only one who trusted Wanda. "Please," she whispered. "It's the only way to save him."

"Patient, isn't it?" Kyle said, looking at Wanda in disgust. "Bided it's time well, don't you think?" It was as if all of his worst assumptions had just come true. He turned to me and I could tell he was dying to say, "I told you so."

Wanda turned to Doc and I could see the desperation in her eyes. "Doc?" she said

But he didn't completely trust her, either. "Even if there was any way we could let you outside, Wanda… I just couldn't trust drugs I don't understand. Jamie's a tough kid. His system will fight this off."

"We'll go out again," I said, trying to reassure her. "We'll find something. We won't come back until we do."

"That's not good enough," she said, tears forming in her eyes. She turned to Jared and practically begged, "Jared. You know. You _know_ I would never let anything hurt Jamie. You know I can do this. Please."

He looked at her and then turned to survey the crowd that had gathered outside Jamie's room. Everyone was worried about Jamie, but they weren't willing to let Wanda get the souls' medicine. Most of them looked almost happy in their fury, as if they knew this was going to happen all along and they were glad that everyone had seen what they perceived as Wanda's true colors. "No, Wanda," he said quietly. "No." I actually heard Kyle sigh in relief.

Her knees buckled and then she threw herself forward, at Jamie. She actually elbowed Trudy out of the way so that she could sit with him. The tears were spilling from her eyes as she refilled his cold compress with the newly acquired ice. She held it his forehead and kept saying his name. It was clear that she felt completely hopeless.

Everyone started to leave slowly after that. All of them were offended by what she had suggested. I felt torn. I could understand why they were so afraid, but at the same time, I knew Wanda would never hurt us. Even after witnessing the bloodbath in the hospital, she would still sacrifice everything for Jamie simply because she loved him.

"Do you think she'll try to leave?" I heard Kyle ask.

"No," Wes said. "Wanda wouldn't go against Jeb's orders."

"I hope she does," Brandt muttered, confidently. "It'd be nice to finally be able to get rid of her."

Someone actually laughed at that, agreeing with him. I forced myself not to look at them as they left. Their reactions angered me; how could they still think that Wanda was going to turn us in after all this time? She looked like she was contemplating doing it anyways, and I knew I had to try and stop her. I would never turn on her, even if she actually was some kind of spy, but I wouldn't be able to stop them. "I know you wouldn't…" I said softly, trying to talk some sense into her. "But Wanda, they'll kill you if you try. After what happened… in the hospital. They're afraid you have good reason to destroy us… Anyway, he'll be alright. You have to trust that." She wouldn't even look at me. She just continued to hold the compress to his forehead, crying softly and saying his name repeatedly. She must have been disgusted with us all. I left when I couldn't take her silence anymore. We had gone straight to Jamie's room after the raid, and I needed to sleep before I could help Wanda find a way to save Jamie. I was extremely grateful when I got to my room and found that Kyle wasn't around. I was able to fall asleep quickly, the image of Wanda crying over Jamie's body burned into my brain.

I woke up to my brother screaming. He was so loud that I was afraid he was going to cause a cave-in. "What do you mean, it's _gone_? Didn't you have anyone watching it?" I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead, trying to understand what he was saying. He stormed into the room, practically throwing the red door out of his way, and glared at me. "Did you know they were planning this, Ian?"

"Planning what? What's going on?" I asked, sitting up and trying to rub the sleep from my eyes.

"They're gone," he said, his voice was low and deadly.

"Who's gone? What the hell are you talking about, Kyle?"

"Wanda and Jared left," he said, eyeing me suspiciously. It was like he thought I was acting, that I really knew what he was talking about and I had actually taken some part in it.

I looked at him in pure confusion. "What do you mean, they left?" I asked carefully.

"How many times do I have to say it, Ian? Wanda and Jared _aren't here_. He must have taken her on a raid," he said.

My face fell and I jumped to my feet. Jared had actually let her try it. They were out of the desert now, trying to blend in with the souls. I couldn't believe they had actually made it out of here alive. A million questions raced through my mind. Would Wanda be able to get the medicine without any problems? I knew she wouldn't turn us in but she was so bad at lying… And was she right before? Would the worms really just put her in a different body if they realized that she had been with the human resistance or would they punish her for her betrayal? And if she did get caught, would the Seekers be able to find us? "Where's Jeb?" I finally asked.

"He's with Doc and Jamie," he said, still looking at me in distrust. "Brandt, Aaron and I are going to pack everything up, in case we have to get out of here in a hurry. You should –"

I ignored him and took off towards Jamie's room. I had to find out what was going on and only Jeb would be able to give me the actual truth. My stomach had twisted into knots by the time I found him in Jamie's room. He was sitting in the far corner, watching Doc as he put the ice in Jamie's cold compress. "What happened?" I asked urgently.

Jeb frowned at me. "I thought you might be able to tell us that."

I noticed that they were both looking at me accusingly for the first time. "Jeb, I swear I didn't know anything about this. You know that I would have come to you had I known Wanda was even thinking about it."

He studied me for a long moment and then nodded, acknowledging that he believed me. "Jared knocked Doc out while he was sleeping with some chloroform and they were both gone when he woke up. He told me as soon as he realized what had happened and we've searched everywhere for them."

"They must have gone to get medicine," I said softly. I sunk to the floor next to Jeb, lost in my thoughts. I was so worried about Wanda that my fear felt almost tangible.

"That's what we figured," Jeb said. "Wes and Lily tried to catch up to them but they had already grabbed a car from the rock slide. We weren't going to attempt to follow them on the freeway."

It was a good choice. There was no point in following them past the desert, it would only draw too much attention to us all. But my imagination was running wild with the worst possible things that could happen. All I could see when I closed my eyes was a man in scrubs, his features too fuzzy to make out, realizing what Wanda was doing and alerting the Seekers before she even realized what was going on. I could see them torturing her in my mind, trying to get our location. And even if they didn't torture her, they would separate her from Melanie and stick her in another body. I wondered briefly what it would be like, seeing Wanda's expressions on someone else's face, before my mind turned back to the horrifying possibility of the Seekers finding the caves. Would they be able to take Wanda's memories from Melanie's body even after they had taken her out? Would they be able to capture Jared? What would happen if they did find us, would they simply kill us all or would they keep some of our bodies as hosts for more souls?

I didn't even realize that I was gasping for breath until Doc kneeled down in front of me. "Ian, are you all right?" he asked.

It felt like someone was sitting on my chest, but I didn't see the point in mentioning it. "I'm fine," I said softly, trying to calm myself down. But I didn't feel fine; it was like I was having a panic attack or something. I could only think about Wanda. Even if she did somehow steal the medicine for Jamie without getting caught, they would have a hard time getting back into the caves. Everyone would try to stop them at all costs; they wouldn't care if she had the medicine. They were only concerned with their safety. They might try to hurt her, even if she wasn't leading the Seekers back to us. How could Jared have taken her out? What was he thinking? I knew he was as desperate as she was to save the kid, but this was simply irresponsible. I would never be able to forgive either of them if something happened to her.

Doc eyed me suspiciously, obviously doubting what I had said. "Maybe you should go lay down. You were only asleep for a couple hours."

I shook my head quickly, not bothering to say anything. I knew Jeb and Doc would be the first ones to know if Wanda and Jared somehow made it back alive, and I wanted to stay with them so I would be one of the first ones to find out. They both looked at me in confusion, not fully understanding why I was determined to stay in the room. They didn't push it, though, and they mostly left me to my thoughts. I tuned everything else out and tried to convince myself that everything would be okay, Wanda would make it back alive and safe with the medicine to help Jamie. It was ridiculous, but I was sure that I could somehow will it to happen.

It didn't surprise me when Kyle showed up a few hours later. His face was set with determination and I could tell from the way he looked at me that he still thought I had something to do with this. He sat down next to me and said, "Brandt's watching the entrance with Wes."

Jeb sighed in annoyance. "Starting trouble isn't going to do anyone any good, Kyle."

"You've been keeping too many secrets, Jeb," Kyle shot back. "You seem to forget that what that worm does out there affects all of us, not just you three."

Jeb ignored him, sighing in annoyance again. Kyle was pushing him on purpose, he knew Jared had taken Jeb's gun with them. But Kyle wanted to take his frustrations out on someone, so he turned to me and smirked. "Do you think –"

"Shut up, Kyle," I said, interrupting him. I simply knew that I didn't want to hear anything he had to say right now.

He scowled at me, but he didn't say anything. We sat in a tense silence for what felt like hours. I kept trying to convince myself that they were going to get home safe, but a very large part of me was having a hard time believing it.

Finally, Brandt appeared in the doorway. "They're back," he said, trying to catch his breath. "The both of them. Jared's eyes weren't reflecting any light." Jeb, Kyle and I all scrambled to our feet and took off towards the entrance. Kyle was the fastest, his anger was pushing him forward, but I was surprised at how fast Jeb was moving.

Kyle's mouth went off as soon as he saw them. Jared had Wanda blindfolded on his back and he was carrying Jeb's gun in his arms. Wanda was wearing a large backpack that looked completely full. I stopped running as soon as I saw her, the relief hitting me like a ton of bricks. "Jared, you _idiot_!" Kyle shouted. "What were you thinking?"

"Ease up, Kyle," Jeb said, clearly annoyed with my brother.

"Is she hurt?" I demanded. It was easy to think clearly now that she was back, and I wanted to know why she wasn't running. I might actually hurt Jared if she got hurt while they were out there.

"Get out of my way," Jared said, completely calm. "I'm in a hurry. Wanda's in perfect shape, but she insisted on being blindfolded. How is Jamie?"

"Hot," Jeb said.

Jared started to run faster as he said, "Wanda's got what we need."

I was resisting the urge to grab her off of his back. "I can carry her," I offered.

"She's fine where she is."

I scowled at him, ready to start yelling much like Kyle had when Wanda turned to me. "I'm really okay."

We ran in silence then. I could hear the beginning of an angry mob forming in the main room. Jared ran right through, yelling, "Out of my way! Is Doc with Jamie?"

I couldn't spot Sharon or Maggie out there, even though I suspected that they had created the mob that was now running with us, and I wasn't surprised when I saw them waiting for us in Jamie's room. They would have wanted to be there to confront them, even if meant delaying Wanda in helping Jamie. "You!" Sharon said, and then she launched herself at Jared. Jared was ready for her; he grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. Maggie looked like she was going to attack Jared, but Jeb rushed past Jared and Sharon to stop her.

"Let her go!" Doc said, jumping to his feet.

Jared ignored him. He turned to Wanda and said, "Wanda – heal him!" Instead of helping Sharon, Doc put himself in between Wanda and Jamie.

"Doc," Wanda choked out, sounding scared out of her mind. "I need your help. Please. For Jamie."

He didn't move an inch. He looked torn, his eyes kept darting back to Sharon and Jared. "C'mon, Doc," I said, resting my hand on Wanda's shoulder. It was stupid, but touching her made it real; I was completely convinced now that I wasn't dreaming. She had some how gotten the medicine and made it back without a scratch on her. She deserved to at least _try_ to help the boy. "You gonna let the kid die for your pride?"

"It's not pride. You don't know what those foreign substances will do to him!" he said, although he didn't sound entirely convinced.

"He can't get much worse, can he?" I argued.

"Doc," Wanda said, determined to make him move. "Look at my face."

Everyone in the room stared at her face then. It was amazing, the scars that we had inflicted on her were gone. The skin on that side of her face was smooth and unblemished. "How?" Doc asked, still uncertain.

"I'll show you," she said. "Please. Jamie doesn't need to suffer."

He stared at her scar-free face for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Then he sighed and said, "Ian's right – he can't get much worse. If this kills him…" he shrugged, and then his whole body slumped. It was easy to see that Doc was sick of seeing death, it seemed like it had been everywhere lately.

"No!" Sharon cried, but no one paid any attention to her. We were all too curious to see if the alien medication would work.

Wanda knelt down next to Jamie and I sank down next to her, wanting to help in any way that I could. She fumbled around in the backpack until she had a small white container. I grabbed one of the lanterns that had been in the room and pointed it at Jamie's face. "Water, Ian?" she asked. I watched as she grabbed a small, thin square out of the container and placed it on Jamie's tongue. I handed her the water and she washed the square down his throat, before grabbing a thinner spray bottle and squirting it in his face. Then there was another container full of more the small tissue squares. She washed another one down his throat and I could actually _see_ Jamie get better. It was like all of his color went rushing back to his face. Doc leaned down to touch it in wonder while Wanda moved to the cut on his leg. "Doc, do you have a sharp knife?" she asked.

I tuned the two of them out while I literally watched Jamie's fever go down. He looked healthy, even though he was still covered in sweat. He regained consciousness while they were working on his leg. "Hey," he croaked, looking around the room in confusion. "Hey, Wanda. What's going on? What's everyone doing here?"

He tried to sit up but I pushed him back down onto the mattress. "Easy there, kid," I said. "How you feelin'?"

"I feel… really good," he said, still completely disoriented. "Why is everyone here? I don't remember…"

"You've been sick," I explained. "Hold still so we can finish fixing you."

He ignored me and looked around the room, still trying to figure out what was going on. It must have been confusing, so many people were staring at him as if he had just come back from the dead. "Can I have some water?" he asked.

"Sure, kid," I said, handing him the water that Wanda had just used. "Here you go."

"It's the No Pain," Wanda muttered from her spot by his leg. "It feels wonderful."

Jamie turned to me with wide eyes and whispered, "Why does Jared have Sharon in a headlock?"

"She's in a bad mood," I whispered back, smirking at the expression on Sharon's face.

I watched as Doc opened the wound and Wanda put various creams and sprays on it. It was amazing to watch the alien medication work up close. It was like it completely eliminated the bacterial infection as soon as it came in contact with his skin. And Wanda seemed to know how to use all of it. I don't think she realized at the moment just how big a deal this was. We had a part of the soul technology now; we could completely _heal_ ourselves with one small square of tissue paper. It was disorienting just thinking about it. This would help us so much. Jamie was sitting up in no time, making jokes with Wanda. "Where did you get this stuff, Wanda?" he asked. "It's like magic."

"Jared took me on a raid," she said as she finished wiping some other cream on top of his completely healed skin.

"Seriously?" he asked. It was refreshing to hear the excitement in his voice. It really did look like he was completely cured of his infection. "That's _awesome_."

"You should have seen her. She was incredible," Jared said as he let go of Sharon and moved closer. His relief was clear on his face. "She walked right into a hospital, right up to the alien there, and asked them to treat her injuries, bold as anything. Then, when they turned their backs, she robbed them blind! Walked right out of there with medicine enough to last us all for a long time. She even waved at the bugger behind the counter as she drove away." I turned to stare at Wanda in disbelief. It was hard to imagine her doing anything like that and keeping a straight face.

"It wasn't that exciting, really," she said, grabbing Jamie's hand. "It was very easy. I'm a bugger, too, after all."

"I didn't mean –" Jared started to say but she waved him off, smiling. It was clear that she wasn't even offended by what he said.

"How did you explain the scar on your face?" Doc asked curiously. "Didn't they wonder why you hadn't –"

She interrupted him by saying, "I had to have fresh injuries, of course. I was careful to leave them nothing to be suspicious about. I told them I'd fallen with a knife in my hand." She smiled and nudged Jamie with her elbow. "It could happen to anyone."

But I was too distracted by what she had said. I could only imagine how badly she had hurt herself in order to save Jamie. "Fresh injuries?" I asked, my voice flat and emotionless.

Wanda stared at me in surprise. "It was necessary. I had to hide my scar. And learn how to heal Jamie."

Jared picked up her left wrist and started to stroke it. A small part of me wanted to push him off of her. "It was horrible," he said softly. "She about hacked her hand off. I thought she'd never use it again."

"You cut yourself?" Jamie asked, in shock.

"Don't be anxious – it wasn't that bad," she said softly. "I knew it would be healed quickly."

"You should have seen her," Jared said. I couldn't help noticing that he was still touching her.

I brushed my fingers across her cheek, full of pride. What she had just done for us was amazing, but she was too willing to risk her own life. It seemed like she didn't think of herself at all. "No more raids for you," I muttered. I couldn't stop myself from smiling as she leaned into my hand.

"Of course she'll go out again," Jared said, completely surprised by my reaction. "Ian, she was absolutely phenomenal. You'd have to see to really understand. I'm only just beginning to guess at all possibilities –"

"Possibilities?" I asked, cutting him off. I couldn't believe him. Of course he would only think of all that she could do for him. It was clear that she would do anything he asked. I pulled her away from him before he could ask for too much. "At what cost to her? You _let_ her _hack_ her own _hand_ off?" I was having a hard time restraining myself; all I wanted to do was hit him. How could he let her hurt herself like that?

"No, Ian, it wasn't like that," Wanda said, trying to stop the argument before it started. "It was my idea. I had to."

The fact that she was defending him only seemed to make me angrier. "Of course it was your idea! You'd do anything… You have no _limits_ when it comes to these two. But Jared shouldn't have let you –"

"What other way was there, Ian?" Jared argued. "Did you have a better plan? Do you think she'd be happier if she was unhurt but Jamie was gone?"

He had a point but the fact that he was so good at reading Wanda sent the jealousy burning through me again. I was having a hard time holding it back. "No. But I don't understand how you could sit there and watch her do that to herself." I shook my head in disgust as Jared glared at me, his muscles tensing up. "What kind of a man –"

Jeb broke up the argument by saying, "A practical one. It's why Jared's the best at getting what we need. Because he can do what has to be done. Or watch what has to be done. Even when watching's harder than doing." I was about to interrupt him when I noticed the large cardboard box in his arms. "Now, I know it's closer to breakfast than supper, but I figured some of you haven't eaten in a while." He turned to Jamie and asked, "Hungry, kid?" Jeb was able to not so subtly change the topic of conversation before a full-blown argument broke out. He cooked us all dehydrated meals on portable stoves. The atmosphere in the caves changed completely; it had gone from being tense and angry to peaceful in a matter of minutes. Wanda had really breathed hope into us all with her retrieval of the souls' medicine. Jamie was on Wanda's lap, talking and laughing with everyone. It was strange to see him up when we had all been convinced that he would be lucky if he made it through the night. I was content in sitting next to Wanda, watching the absolute happiness play on her face as she held Jamie close. It was almost dawn by the time the food was gone. People started to slowly filter out of the room, although Jeb, Doc, Kyle and I stayed in the room, lounging around lazily. By the time everyone was gone, I was laid out with my head on Wanda's stomach, holding one of her hands to my face.

Jeb's belch broke the peaceful silence that had settled on the room. Kyle laughed and then said, "Next time she raids…" He let out a huge yawn and finished his thought, "Next time she raids, I'm coming too."

I felt the anger flood through me again as I thought about what she had to endure this time, although it wasn't nearly as strong as it had been before. I couldn't let her go out again; she was too willing to sacrifice everything for us. And if she wasn't going to think about herself then I would. "She's not going out again," I said, my muscles tensing up despite my sleepiness.

She brushed her fingers across my face, soothing my anger instantly. It rushed back when she said, "Of course not. I don't have to go anywhere unless I'm needed. I don't mind staying here."

"I'm not talking about keeping you prisoner, Wanda," I said, trying to make her see my point. I wasn't trying to keep her from helping out, I was just trying to make sure she stayed safe. She shouldn't have to suffer any more injuries because of us. "You can go anywhere you want as far as I'm concerned. Jogging on the highway, if you'd like that. But not a raid. I'm talking about keeping you safe."

"We need her," Jared said bluntly.

"We got by fine without her before," I spit out. I wanted to kick him in the head, but I was simply too tired to try it.

"Fine? Jamie would have died without her. She can get things for us that no one else can," he argued.

"She's a person, Jared, not a tool," I reminded him. It seemed like he always seemed to forget that.

"I know that. I didn't say –"

Jeb interrupted Jared, trying to break up our argument once again. "'S up to Wanda, I'd say."

But I didn't agree with that. Wanda would do anything that Jared asked of her without any thought to the danger it would put her in. "You can't leave it up to her, Jeb!" I protested.

"Why not?" he asked. "Seems like she's got her own mind. 'S it your job to make decisions for her?" I was willing to take that position since no one else had.

"I'll tell you why not," I said. I looked up at Wanda so that I could prove my point. "Wanda?"

"Yes, Ian?" she said.

"Do you _want_ to go out on raids?" I asked.

"If I can help, of course I should go."

Point proven. She would do anything to help us, even if she didn't particularly want to do it. "That not what I asked, Wanda." I turned back to Jeb and said, "See, Jeb? She never takes into account her own wants – her own happiness, her own _health_, even. She'd do anything we asked her to, even if it got her killed. It's not fair to ask her things the way we'd ask each other. _We_ stop to think about ourselves. She doesn't."

Everyone was silent, thinking over what I had said. "That's not true," Wanda said, breaking the thoughtful silence. "I think about myself all the time. And I… I _want_ to help. Doesn't that count? It made me so happy to help Jamie tonight. Can't I find happiness the way _I_ want to?"

But I didn't like it when she got happiness from sacrificing herself for others. It didn't seem right. I sighed heavily and said, "See what I mean?"

"Well, I can't tell her she can't go if she wants to," Jeb said. "She's not a prisoner anymore."

"But we don't have to ask," I said, getting more frustrated by the second.

"You don't need to ask," Wanda said softly. "I volunteer. It really wasn't… frightening. Not at all. The other souls are very kind. I'm not afraid of them. It was almost too easy."

I couldn't believe what she was saying. "Easy? Cutting your –"

She interrupted me quickly. "That was an emergency. I won't have to do that again." She paused for a minute and looked around the room. "Right?"

I groaned in frustration when I realized I was fighting a losing battle. Wanda would go on raids because she simply couldn't be happy unless she was putting herself in danger for others. I would just have to go with her, make sure that someone was keeping _her_ best interests in mind. "If she goes, I'm going too," I said. "_Someone_ has to protect her from herself."

"And I'll be there to protect the rest of us from _her_," Kyle chuckled. I reached over and punched him in the side before he could say anything else. "Ow."

"And I'll be there to bring you all back alive," Jared muttered a few minutes later as we all drifted off to sleep.

We left on our first raid together a couple days after that. It seemed to pass by in a blur. Wanda was able to simply walk into a store and buy anything that we needed. Being outside in the daylight made us all feel overly anxious; Wanda had gotten it right when she said it was like the opposite of claustrophobia. We had disguised ourselves as best we could, each getting a small scar on the back of our necks and wearing nondescript clothing, but I still didn't like the openness. It made me feel like a sitting duck. It had been nerve-wracking the first time, watching Wanda just walk into a grocery store in the middle of the day. But Jared was right, she was incredible. She had gotten stopped by someone outside the store. I was ready to jump out of the van and grab her before they realized what was going on but she knew how to handle the souls. He was gone in less than a minute and she made it back to the van with no problems. I had been blown away by the fact that it was so easy for me to see when Wanda was nervous or lying but they never suspected anything. Wanda was only able to buy enough for four without looking suspicious so we went on a long route, traveling north up to South Dakota before crossing over into Iowa and heading south again. It had gotten almost boring. I felt nervous whenever Wanda left the van, but I was confident that she would make it back perfectly fine.

The nights had always been the worst part of the old raids, but now they were even worse. Before, we spent the nights searching abandoned buildings and trying not to run into any buggers. Now, we slept in roadside inns. It was hard falling asleep; I kept picturing the Seekers finding us while we were unconscious. It felt like we were pushing our luck, sleeping in the mouth of the enemy. Kyle had even refused to sleep in them. He opted to stay out in the van and act as a guard. And it was hard sharing a room with Wanda and Jared. I didn't like the way she looked at him and he knew that. It seemed like he was going out of his way to annoy me, especially the first night. He had actually wanted to ask Wanda who she preferred sharing a bed with. It was a ridiculous idea; she would have tried so hard to make us both happy that she would have made herself miserable. I proposed making her sleep alone. He didn't like the idea at all so he put up a small fight but in the end, I won the argument. I didn't particularly enjoy sharing a bed with Jared, he tended to get violent when he thought I was on his side of the mattress, but I hadn't wanted to make Wanda choose. Honestly, I was a little scared that she wouldn't pick me, and I didn't want to deal with the possibility that I would always be second-best while she was in Melanie's body.

The raid had been so easy that our cockiness on the drive home seemed almost natural. We had managed to get our hands on a big white moving truck, and we filled it with boxes of food and toiletries, enough to last us for a while in the caves. Kyle and I were stuck driving it back to the caves while Wanda and Jared drove ahead of us in the van. It was easy to see that Jared was driving, they were so far ahead of us. He always seemed to have a problem following the speed limit. We were almost at the turn-off into the desert when it happened. Kyle was going as fast as he could to catch up to them when a siren went off. Red and blue lights started spinning across the desert highway a second later.

"Fuck! It's the Seekers!" Kyle muttered, voicing my thoughts.

"Speed up!" I demanded. We had to get up there, see what was going on. My mind was racing, trying to think of any possible way to get Wanda out of there, but I was coming up empty. Jared had pulled the van over to the side of the road but there was no way they could get out of this. The Seekers parked across the road from the van and turned a spotlight on them. I could see the reflection of Wanda's eyes on the road, even from where we were.

"Shit!" Kyle said, stepping slowly on the break. "I knew it, Ian! I told you she was going to get the Seekers!"

I had gotten better ignoring comments like this from Kyle. It seemed like he was purposely trying to find things wrong with her now that she'd already proven herself. I noticed the Seekers' car for the first time. It was low, sleek and obviously made for speed. It was the kind of car they had used in the beginning, when they hadn't taken over completely yet. The last bit of humankind resisted the souls as hard as they could, but they had eventually fallen and the need for fast cars, made for outrunning the human rebels, had dwindled. Something was definitely wrong here. "Look at the car," I pointed out. "That's not normal. Do you think something happened back at the caves?"

"I hope not," he said softly. Kyle was going far below the speed limit as we watched two Seekers exit the vehicle. One of them stayed near the car while the other one walked towards the van. He stood between the two cars, throwing the spotlight on himself. The gun holster was the first thing that caught my eye. This was it. Wanda and Jared had been caught. There was no way that we could get out of this. A large part of me wanted to pull over and fight the Seekers, do anything that would save us, but I knew that I couldn't. It would only draw more attention to the area. Maybe if we hurried, we would be able to get back to the caves just in time to get everyone out of there. I could already feel the sharp, heart-wrenching pain of living in a world without Wanda.

The Seeker didn't react the way I thought he would. I expected to have his gun pointed on them as soon as he got out of the car. Jared's eyes would have given them away as soon as they turned the spotlight on him, but he was just standing there talking to them. "What the hell is going on?" I muttered.

"She's telling them exactly where to find us," he sneered. His anger was a front; I could hear the worry in his voice. We were coming up on them much too fast now. "What should we do about the light?"

I shrugged. "Pull over!" I hissed as soon as I could see the Seeker clearly. He had a small white spray bottle, much like the ones Wanda had used to save Jamie, in his hands. Had he managed to already hurt Wanda somehow? It hadn't looked like it, but suddenly I wasn't sure.

He idled behind the van, the panic breaking through of his angry mask. The Seeker glanced at our truck and then waved him forward. "Is it a trap?" he asked quietly.

"I have no idea," I said. I hadn't been this scared in a long time. We had gotten too comfortable on this raid. It was foolish to be so cocky. How could we have been so stupid? The Seeker waved us forward again, gesturing more broadly this time.

"What about the light?" he asked.

I quickly maneuvered myself so that I would block most his face from the spotlight and closed my eyes. "Keep your eyes closed as much as possible."

He drove slowly through the spotlight, trying to avoid detection. Once we were past the Seekers, he sighed in relief and stepped on the gas so we would reach the caves soon.

"Careful," I said, not wanting to draw the Seekers' attention onto us. "What's happening?"

He looked in his side mirror. "They're still talking!" He watched in silence for a few minutes after that, and I tried to think positive thoughts. If we had somehow gotten through that, surely Wanda and Jared could as well… right? Kyle broke the tense silence when he said, "Holy crap! The Seeker is just driving away!"

"What do you mean, they're just driving away?" I said. I tried to look at the mirror on my side, but I couldn't see much of anything. Why were the Seekers just letting them go? It didn't make any sense.

Kyle slowed down considerably and they caught up to us quickly. Jared pointed a flashlight to his eyes as they passed, showing us that he was still human but I could only focus on Wanda. She gave me a small wave and I wasn't able to do anything but grimace back at her. What the hell had just happened? They got in front of us and turned off their lights, signaling that we would be turning off the highway soon.

"How the fuck did they manage that?" Kyle asked in amazement. "I thought we were all dead."

"Me too," I said, staring at the back of the van in concern.

We rode the rest of the way to the caves in a shocked silence, both trying to figure out how they could have possibly gotten away from the Seekers unscathed.

They were both standing against the side of the van when we reached the caves. Kyle parked behind them and we both jumped out, eager to hear their story. "What happened?" Kyle demanded, reaching them first.

I was close behind him. The first thing I noticed was Wanda, her arms were crossed over her chest and a multitude of tears were running down her cheeks. Jared's hand was on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort and, even though I knew it shouldn't be there, the jealousy was back. I rushed forward and threw my arms around her, trying to pull her as close to me as she could get. I was surprised when she grabbed on to me tightly and started to cry harder. "It's okay," I said softly, rubbing her back. "You did great. It's over."

"Seeker's not the problem, Ian," Jared said. I was annoyed to see that he was leaning forward in order to maintain the contact with Wanda.

"Huh?" I asked, not fully understanding him.

"They were watching the road for a reason. Sounds like Doc's been… working in our absence."

I felt Wanda shudder in my arms and I saw red. How could they do anything like that now, after all that Wanda had done for us? "Why those –!" I stopped when I couldn't think of a word that could come close to how disgusted I was.

"Nice," Kyle said sarcastically. "Idiots. We're gone for a few weeks, and they've got the Seekers on patrol. They could have just asked us to –"

"Shut up, Kyle," Jared said harshly. It was clear to both of us that mentioning the test subjects in front of Wanda was a very bad idea. "That's neither here nor there at the moment. We've got to get this all unloaded fast. Who knows how many are watching us? Let's grab a load and then get some more hands."

I nodded in agreement. We couldn't leave the van and the truck out in the open like this if the Seekers were on alert. They were barely hidden underneath the overhang of the entrance to the caves. I was reluctant to let go of Wanda when she was so upset, though. She pushed me away, even though the tears were still streaming down her face and went to the back of the truck. I stayed with her, making sure she didn't strain herself by carrying a box that was too heavy. We were halfway down the entrance pathway when we heard Jamie shout, "They're back… ack… back!"

We saw him soon after that. He was running with a blue lantern and his face was pale and tense, his eyes red from crying. Wanda and Jared both dropped the boxes they were carrying and asked, "Jamie?"

He threw himself at Wanda, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Oh, Wanda! Oh, Jared!" he sobbed. "Wes is dead! He's _dead_! The Seeker killed him!"

Jamie's sobs echoed off the cave walls while we stared at him in a shocked silence, not fully comprehending what he had said. Wes couldn't be dead. Jamie was mistaken, that simply couldn't be the truth.

"What?" Wanda finally choked out.

Jeb made it around the corner then, his somber face confirming what Jamie said. Jared turned to Jeb and asked, "Jeb, what's going on?"

"It was the one in black," he said softly and Wanda tensed up. "She got Brandt, too, but Doc was able to help him. They're holding her in the storage area."

"What happened?" Kyle asked, his voice full of shock.

Jeb sighed and said, "We'd better get the rest inside before I give you the specifics. Come on, I'll show you where we can keep this until the Seeker is… gone." I had a feeling that he was editing out what he really planned on doing to the Seeker so that he wouldn't upset Wanda. He lead us further up the pathway, close to the storage area, but not close enough that the Seeker could hear us and guess what we were doing. Jamie went back to the main room to recruit more people to help unload while Jeb turned back towards the trucks with us.

"Jeb, we got stopped by Seekers on the highway right near the turn off," Jared said. "They're on alert for humans. What's going on?"

Jeb sighed heavily and said, "The small one in black figured out what the lines were." Wanda shuddered every time Jeb mentioned her. I reached out and grabbed her hand, but she didn't even seem to notice. "She was getting closer and closer to the caves so Wes, Brandt, Aaron and Andy went out to try and stop her before she found us. She spotted Wes and Brandt quickly and shot at them. She missed Brandt's heart by an inch. Her aim was better with Wes…" He stopped and took a deep breath. It was easy to see that he was still upset about it.

"When did this happen?" I asked.

At the same time, my brother said, "But you managed to catch her, right?"

Jeb nodded. "Andy and Aaron were able to corner her after that with that rifle. Brandt and Aaron are guarding her in the storage area now. She showed up about four days ago."

"Why is she still alive?" Jared asked, his anger consuming him. I expected Wanda to react to that but she continued to stare at the ground as we walked, the same scared expression on her face.

"I thought Wanda might want to talk to her," he said. "She is your Seeker, right?"

Wanda nodded slowly, although her face was blank. I couldn't read what she was thinking and that worried me. But it made sense for the Seekers to be on the look-out now. Kyle and I had witnessed first hand how adamant the one in black had been during the search for Wanda, convinced that there were humans hiding out in the desert. She had dedicated the last few months to searching for us, using helicopters and all-terrain SUVs to comb the desert wasteland. Now that she was gone, they must have started to wonder if she had been right.

We finished unloading the truck in a heavy silence, one that was weighing down on everyone in the caves. We were all trying to deal with the pain Wes's death had caused. Once we finished, Andy and Paige drove the vehicles back to the rock slide while everyone else followed Jeb into the kitchen. We ate cheese sandwiches as he told us what they had done to throw the Seekers' attention off of our home. Her car had been dumped on the other side of Tucson, far enough away that the Seekers would hopefully never get as close to our hide-out as she had. They'd try to make it look like she had also been attacked by coyotes by tearing up her bag and leaving food scattered on the ground but we already knew that the Seekers hadn't fallen for it, not completely. Wanda went off with Jeb to talk to her; I had gotten up to go with her, but she stopped me with a look. I hadn't wanted her to talk to the Seeker alone; it was obvious how frightened she was by her, but I wasn't going to force myself on her.

Once I had eaten and cleaned up from the raid, I went looking for Lily. Trudy had said that she wasn't doing so well. She had just started a relationship with Wes, and I couldn't even imagine the amount of pain she must be feeling right now. I found her in her room. She was lying on her side on the mattress, staring blankly at the wall. "Lily?" I whispered.

"Hi, Ian," she said, not moving an inch. I walked into her room and sat down on the floor next to her small mattress. We sat in silence for a while until she said, "I guess you've heard." Her voice was coarse and I could tell that she had spent the last few days crying.

"Yes," I said, staring at my hands. It still felt wrong. Wes _couldn't_ be dead. I was half-expecting him to burst through the door and tell me to get out of Lily's room so he could be alone with her.

She turned to look at me and I was a little shocked by the amount of pain in her eyes. "Why?" she asked in a soft voice. "Why him? Why now, so soon after…" her voice trailed off into a sob. She was right, it didn't make any sense. Wes had been after Lily ever since she had arrived shortly after him, but she had only just recently realized it. It seemed cruel that fate would take him away from her now, such a short time after their relationship started. She started crying then and I pulled myself closer to her, rubbing her back as she let out loud, heart-wrenching sobs.

I cried with her, the tears silently running down my cheeks. It felt like it was just hitting me then that Wes was gone and never coming back. It was hard to accept that I would never see him again. Wes was a good friend. I had been on friendly terms with him since he had reached the caves, but it seemed like we had gotten closer when Wanda showed up. He had been one of the first ones to accept Wanda into our society and then he and I had commiserated over the fact that we were both in love with women who, for some reason, never noticed it. He and Lily had given me hope that Wanda would some day love me, but now I couldn't help feeling hopeless.

Lily didn't say much after that. She apologized a couple times, although I had no idea why. I had known she would be upset when I came to see her. I wanted to be there for her, I knew that Wes would have wanted someone to look after her. She cried herself to sleep eventually. She was restless, though, and the tears continued falling even as she tossed and turned. She called out his name occasionally, the crying usually got worst during those times, but never woke up. I stayed with her until I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore.

Kyle was leaving our room by the time I reached it. He looked me over outside the doorway and said, "You look like shit."

I could only imagine how I looked. My eyes must have been bloodshot from the combination of exhaustion and the tears I had shed while comforting Lily. But I could see that Wes's death had affected Kyle as well, the area around his eyes was slightly swollen. "So do you," I muttered as I slipped past him into the room.

He stood in the doorway and watched as I climbed into bed, too tired to even change out of my clothes. "You're going to sleep?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah," I said, giving him a strange look. What did he think I was doing? "Why?"

He shrugged. "I figured you'd be waiting for Wanda to get back."

I sat up and said, "Get back from where?" Oh God, what happened _now_?

I was expecting the worst, so I was surprised when Kyle just shook his head. "Her and Jared went out on another raid."

"For what?" I asked. We had just gotten back from a raid. What could they possibly need that we hadn't already gotten?

He shrugged again and said, "I don't know but I think it has something to do with the Seeker. She's still alive, you know." I thought I would be enraged by that fact but I just felt indifferent. Before I had met Wanda, I would probably have gone off to kill Wes's murderer myself if I had to but now… it didn't feel right. A life for a life didn't seem fair anymore. Maybe I was just too tired to be properly angry about it. When I didn't say anything, Kyle raised and eyebrow at me and asked, "Do you want to go see her?"

I didn't know if that was code for going to find out why she was still alive (and then killing her if he felt it was necessary) or just going to talk to her. I didn't care either way. I shook my head and laid back down on the mattress, staring at the stars through the cracks in the ceiling. It was slightly ridiculous, I had seen first-hand how well Wanda had done on the raids before, but I still worried about her. It felt like it took me hours to fall asleep.

By the time I woke up, the rumors were already circulating. It didn't take long for Kyle to find me and tell me that Wanda had taken the Seeker out of its human body. She had known how to do it all along and now she had taught it to Doc. The atmosphere in the caves was completely different, as if someone had flipped a switch. Everyone was buzzing with excitement and hope. If this was true, we might actually be able to overtake the souls and get our planet back. The rumors were confirmed when Jeb, Wanda and Doc walked into the eating area with her. I recognized the Seeker right away; she was still incredibly small with dark hair cut to her chin. There really wasn't any indication that she was human now, although I was sure her eyes wouldn't reflect any light that was shone into them. The majority of the people in the room jumped up and rushed over to her, all talking at once. They were all filled with a morbid curiosity, wanting to know what it was like to actually have one of the aliens inside her. But I only had eyes for Wanda. She was watching everything warily with a small frown on her face. She looked upset, although I couldn't really figure out why. But that didn't really matter because at that moment, because the amount of pride that I felt for her was practically bursting out of me. It was kind of funny; everyone had hated her when she first arrived, but now she had given us the exact thing we had shed so much blood searching for. It was the silver lining to Wes's death; now we could free the human hosts of the souls inside of them. It was the one thing humans needed to stand a chance against the souls. I suddenly felt like a million possibilities were opening up, the majority of them good. I should have realized then that it was all too good to be true.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** The Host and all of its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am not making any kind of profit from this.

**A/N:** Sorry it took me so long to get this one up but my life has been pretty crazy. Plus, it's super long so I hope that makes up for it. I'm kind of sad to see this end so I was thinking of doing a few extras but we will see. I hope you guys like this chapter! And thank you to everyone that has reviewed or put this story on their favs or alerts! And a huuuge thank you goes out to my beta, efficacious humorosity! And once again, a good portion of the dialogue comes from the book, pages 539 - 608 (sorry I didn't add this in sooner! I had to go steal the book back from my sister to get the exact page numbers).

**Seven**

It didn't take me long to realize that Kyle was missing. I had thought it was strange when he didn't take part in any of the planning for the upcoming raid. This one was different from all the others we had been on; we would be going to the shuttle field to drop off the Seeker and then picking up more souls so that we could free their human hosts. I knew he would want to go on this raid, would want to see how exactly the souls were taken out, but he was strangely absent. But I didn't really think anything of it until Jared realized that the Jeep was gone. Then I just _knew_. He had gone for Jodi. It made sense. Now that he knew there was a way for the human host to come back, now that he had seen it happen with his own two eyes, he would do anything he could to bring get Jodi back, even if it meant risking all of our lives. Everyone was upset with Kyle. He had taken that great feeling of hope that had spread through the caves and turned it into a tense anxiety. Going off on his own was a stupid move, and we would all have to deal with the consequences if he got caught. And there was a good chance of that happening, too. Jodi had lived in Portland before she was taken. If she had gone back there, she would be surrounded by other souls. Kidnapping her would be more difficult than the test subjects we had captured for Doc before Wanda came. I had the strangest feeling of déjà vu as everyone hurried to pack up everything in case we had to leave. Kyle had been outraged with Jared for taking Wanda out that first time because it was putting us all in jeopardy, and now he was doing the exact same thing. Unfortunately, I was a little too preoccupied with making sure that we wouldn't have to bear the brunt of his stupid mistake to fully appreciate the irony.

Jared wanted to postpone the raid, at least until we knew Kyle's fate, but Wanda insisted on leaving right away. She had noticed the way some people looked at the occupied cryotank that she had taken to carrying around everywhere. Everyone knew that Wes's killer was in there, and a lot of them wanted revenge, even the ones who weren't that close to him. There were moments when even I wouldn't have been too upset if something happened to the soul inside of it. But then I was able to remember that the Seeker had just been following orders. I didn't like the fact that I was able to empathize with the enemy, but I couldn't hold Wes's death against the Seeker. It was doing exactly what we were trying to do: survive this war. And so I helped Wanda keep it safe. I was practically glued to her side, taking on the role of bodyguard again. I knew that no one would try to hurt the Seeker while it was in my care. Wanda seemed to realize that too, and I was the only one she allowed to even touch the cryotank. I helped Wanda convince Jared to go on the raid. It would take Kyle at least three days to reach Oregon and that gave us more than enough time to go on the raid. In fact, we would probably be back at the caves long before Kyle was able to find her.

We stayed close to home, going to a shuttle field outside of Phoenix. It was a strange sight, the space shuttles the souls used when traveling around the world. There was a long line of them taking off frequently, although it was kind of hard to see them from the back of the old paneled van. Wanda drove us around to an area with larger shuttles, the ones that must be used for flying to other planets. I held the Seeker's tank while Wanda steered the van; I guess she was scared that Jared would try something. It was kind of nice, knowing that she trusted me more than him with the Seeker's life.

"Everything's labeled," Wanda reported from the driver's seat. "Now, this is important. Avoid ships to the Bats and _especially_ the See Weeds. The See Weeds are just one system over – it takes only a decade to make the round trip. That's much too short. The Flowers are the farthest, and the Dolphins, Bears and Spiders all take at least a century to go one way. Only send tanks to those." I was slightly confused. Why was Wanda telling us all of this? It's not like we would ever come here, to a place crawling with souls, without her. "This will be easy. They've got all kinds of delivery vehicles out here, and we blend in. Oh! I can see a tank truck – it's just like the ones we saw them unloading at the hospital, Jared. There's a man looking over the stacks… He's putting them in a hover cart. He's going to load them… Yes, onto _this_ ship." I could just barely make out the smile on her face as she turned the van around and pulled into the shadow of what must have been the spaceship. "Get ready," she whispered. Then she cut the engine and hopped out of the van. I carefully placed the cryotank right in front of the back doors to the van. Wanda opened the door a crack, grabbed it, and disappeared into the night. My stomach clenched in anxiety then. I still worried about her, even though she had already proven that she could take care of herself.

She wasn't gone long. After a few short minutes, which still managed to feel like hours to me, she was back in the van. She put it in gear and drove away slowly, not wanting to draw the attention of the souls working on the shuttle. I waited until we were out of the shuttle field to climb into the passenger seat. "Doesn't look too hard."

"It was very good luck, with the timing," she said. "You might have to wait longer for an opportunity next time."

"You're the good luck charm," I said, grabbing her hand and holding it in between both of mine. "Do you feel better now that she's safe?"

"Yes." But I had gotten so good at reading her that I could hear the lie in her voice, and I couldn't understand why she was lying. It had been clear how worried she was about the Seeker, so wouldn't she be happy now that she knew without a doubt that no harm would come to it? Maybe it was because of what we were going to be doing next. Wanda wouldn't like the idea of kidnapping someone, even if it was done with the best of intentions.

It didn't take us long to reach the small medical clinic. Wanda had insisted on taking a Healer, she was convinced that the humans being occupied would be able to remember everything that the souls inside them had done, including everything about the mysterious soul medication. Luck seemed to be on our side that night, because there were two people in purple scrubs climbing into a small black car right as we pulled up. Wanda stopped the van behind them and jumped out.

"My friend is in the back – I don't know what's wrong with him," she said. I was amazed at how convincing she sounded. Wanda was usually a horrible actress, but even I could hear the tears in her voice. The Healers responded instantly, rushing to the back of the van with Wanda. I grabbed a cloth dipped in chloroform from Jared and slipped out of the van as soon as they were out of sight. Jared was ready when Wanda opened the back doors, and we were able to knock the two Healers out in seconds. He pulled the two unconscious bodies into the back and I slammed the door shut, ready to get back to the caves and witness the soul removal first-hand.

I could see now that Wanda's tears hadn't been an act. She never enjoyed hurting others, even when it was for the best. I took the driver's seat, knowing that she was in no condition to drive. I grabbed her hand again and said, "Sorry, Wanda. I know this is hard for you."

"Yes," she said softly, the tears falling freely down her face.

I squeezed her hand, trying to comfort her. "But that went well, at least. You make an excellent charm."

She didn't say anything for a few minutes. I was almost at the freeway when she spoke up again. "Ian, could you do me a favor?"

"Anything you want," I said, smiling down at her.

"I want fast food."

I hadn't been expecting that. "No problem," I laughed.

I pulled over in the parking lot of a McDonald's and switched seats with her. She drove up to the ordering box and turned to me. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," I said, smiling again. "I'm getting a kick out of watching you do something for yourself. This has to be a first." She made a face at my joke and asked Jared if he wanted anything. Once she had gotten their food, we switched seats again so she could eat during the drive back.

I was a little surprised when we reached the caves without incident. Maybe the Seekers had bought the story we had set up and thought that the Seeker inside of Lacey had been attacked by a coyote. It was plausible, after all. They had witnessed it happening to one of their own during their search for Wanda. Maybe they had all come to realize that if you spent too much time wandering around the desert, chances were that you wouldn't make it out. And if there were no Seekers watching the highway, then that must have meant that Kyle hadn't gotten caught yet. I was relieved by that, although I still thought he was an idiot.

It seemed like everyone was waiting for us when we got back to the caves. Jared and I walked right through the crowds, carrying the two Healers straight to Doc. They followed us, all of them just as curious as I was to see the operation that would bring the humans back. Jeb shooed them all away, threatening anyone who tried to sneak in to see the procedure with his rifle, and then followed us down the south tunnel to the hospital wing. Doc was waiting for us. He turned on the brightest lantern we had as soon as we entered the room. Jared and I laid the bodies out facedown on the cots. Doc quickly administered the No Pain and Jared got out two empty cryotanks. It was a strange object. I had to push a button on the top of the lid and then turn a dial. Once the light at the top of the tank had turned blue, I popped the lid open and felt the biting cold that was emanating from inside the tank. I held it ready as Doc stood over the female Healer, holding his scalpel over the small insertion scar.

"Wanda?" he asked.

She grimaced. "Do you swear, Doc? _All_ of my terms? Do you promise me on your own life?" Her eyes were watering, and I could see that she was worried about the souls. She could only go through with this if we promised not to kill them. Once again, I wondered how any of us had ever seen Wanda as a threat.

"I do. I will meet all of your terms, Wanda. I swear it," he said.

She nodded and turned to look at the rest of us. "Jared?"

"Yes. Absolutely no killing, ever."

"Ian?"

Of course I wouldn't condone killing any of the souls. If I had been able to suppress my desire for revenge on the Seeker that killed my friend, there was no way I would ever want to murder innocent ones that had done me no harm. "I'll protect them with my own life, Wanda."

"Jeb?" she asked.

"It's my house. Anyone who can't abide by this agreement will have to get out."

She nodded again. "Okay, then. Let's get it over with."

Doc cut into the back of the Healers neck and I could see a small amount of silver underneath the blood pouring from her neck. Then he placed the scalpel down on the cot and turned to Wanda. "Now what?" he asked.

She put her hand on his and guided it to the surgical site. "Trace up the back ridge. Can you feel that? Feel the shape of the segments. They get smaller toward the anterior section. Okay, at the end you should feel three small… stubby things. Do you feel what I'm talking about?"

"Yes," Doc said, clearly amazed by what was happening. He was finally learning how to take the souls out of their hosts without killing either of them.

"Good," Wanda said. Both of their fingers were inside the girl's neck as she taught him. "Those are the anterior antennae. Start there. Now, very gently, roll your finger under the body. Find the line of attachments. They'll feel tight, like wires. You can count them, you're looking for the two hundred and seventh connection, but it would take too long with her blood flowing like this. Maybe she'll know how to fix that… Do you feel that ridge that's larger than the others?" Doc nodded, his eyes wide in wonder. "Now, rub softly in toward the body. Knead it lightly."

"It's moving," Doc said, panic seeping into his voice.

"That's good," she said, trying to reassure him. "It means you're doing it right. Give it time to retract. Wait till it rolls up a bit, then take it into your hand."

"Okay," he said, his voice shaking.

She turned and reached for me. "Give me your hand," she said. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly in mine. She turned it over gently and curled it into a cup before pulling it close to the Healer's neck. "Give the soul to Ian – gently please."

I watched as Doc pulled it from the woman's neck and placed it carefully in my hand. I had never seen an actual soul before, but I had heard the stories from Jeb. And I wasn't expecting this. I had thought the souls looked like bugs, little centipedes that were able to worm their way into a human's brain. But this one looked like a small silver ribbon that glistened in the light of the lantern. It moved slightly and I could see its thin attachments billowing softly. It was completely different than what I had imagined any kind of alien to look like. "It's pretty," I whispered in surprise.

"I think so, too. Let it slide into your tank." I stared at it in amazement for another second before sliding it into the cryotank and latching the lid.

"Look out!" Jeb shouted, raising the gun and pointing it behind us. For one small second, I thought the Seekers had found us but when I whirled around, I saw that the male Healer was awake, staring at us in shock. Jared dropped his empty tank and jumped towards him. I almost joined in, but then I remembered the delicate soul that was inside the tank I was holding.

"Chloroform!" Jared shouted as he tackled him to the cot.

But we couldn't get to him in time. He stared directly at Wanda, the light of the lantern showing what she was as it reflected off her eyes. "Why?" he asked in a small, confused voice. Then his face went blank as his body slumped on the cot. I knew immediately what had happened, I had seen it once before. Doc would find the human brain completely shredded if he tried to operate.

"_No_!" Wanda screamed, rushing to his side. "No!"

Jeb sighed and lowered his gun. "He's gone."

"No," Wanda said, trying desperately to flip him over. "He still has a chance." Jared helped her, although there was no way we could save him now. None of us wanted to point that out to her, though.

"Doc, come help me," she pleaded.

He walked slowly to her side and said, "I'm sorry, Wanda. They're both gone."

"No!" she cried. "The soul might still be alive! I need you to cut him open!" Doc could see that there was no point in arguing with her. He grabbed his scalpel and cut into the back of the male Healer's neck without even bothering to sterilize it again. As soon as the cut was large enough, Wanda stuck her fingers inside the wound. She looked over at Jared and said, "Get the tank ready!" He grabbed the tank and held it open for her as she pulled the soul out of the human body. Once she had gently deposited it into the tank, she moved out of the way so Doc could inspect the damage. "Is there any way you can help him?" she asked in a small voice that indicated she already knew the answer.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Wanda. Even the soul medicine couldn't fix this."

Her face fell. I walked over to her side and placed my hand on her shoulder. "It's alright, Wanda. We still managed to get one Healer." She nodded but didn't say anything.

We stood in a heavy silence for a few minutes, not really sure what to do. The soul inside the tank had just murdered the male Healer and I could tell that Jared and Jeb were both feeling a little conflicted. On one hand, it would be only fair to kill him, we had spent years living by the eye for an eye rule. But on the other hand, we had promised Wanda that we wouldn't kill any of the souls that we extracted from their human hosts. The right side won out in the end, and he gently placed the occupied cryotank on the cot next to the dead body. "I'll go get some shovels," he said quietly.

Jeb sighed. "I'll go and make sure there isn't anyone hanging around. Who knows how they'll react to this." I nodded, knowing that this was a very good idea. Some people still didn't trust Wanda, and they were likely to start a riot if they thought she had murdered this man on purpose.

Wanda ducked out from under my hand and went to the female Healer. She grabbed her hand and started talking to her so quietly that I could barely make out what she was saying. I wanted to go after her, tell her that everything was alright, but Jared was back with the shovels by then. I lifted the male Healer and carried him back outside, incredibly grateful that Jeb had managed to clear the way so quickly.

Jared and I worked in silence as the sun rose, both lost in our thoughts about what this meant. With this knowledge, the ability to free the humans from the souls holding them prisoner inside their own bodies, we actually had a fighting chance in this war. And not only that, but we had found a humane way of getting rid of the souls. By sending them to other planets, we could get our planet back and keep our conscious clear. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen once these souls reached their destination, though. Would they give up on earth? Or would they just try to hit us harder? Wanda always said that souls were gentle, completely nonviolent, but I couldn't imagine them taking this lying down; they had fought so hard for this planet. I couldn't stop thinking about it, even after we had buried the body with the other test subjects and gone to bed. Who exactly would be in charge of Earth once the Seeker reached the planet Wanda had sent it to?

I spent the next morning with Jeb, trying to help him decide if we should evacuate the caves now or wait a few more days. It was around mid-day when Jared came running to get us. He had been waiting on the mountain that housed the hospital wing, watching for any signs of the Seekers. "The Jeep's about half a mile out. I didn't see anything else but…" he trailed off, not waiting to finish the thought. The Seekers might send Kyle out first because they knew we'd have another place to hide, and we'd be watching for him if we hadn't left yet.

It didn't matter, though. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I raced down to the entrance, trying not to look too panicked so I wouldn't scare the people I passed. I got there just as Kyle was pulling the Jeep under the overhang. I watched warily as he got out and then I got a small flashlight out of my pocket. I pointed it at his eyes and knew instantly that he was still human. "You idiot!" I yelled, my hands clenched into fists as I advanced on him. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I saw who was with him. It was weird seeing Jodi again, especially after I had considered her dead for so long. But it wasn't Jodi, I could tell from the scared expression on her face. Kyle had been able to steal her body and the soul inside it. Still, he was lucky that she was with him, it was the one thing stopping me from killing him with my bare hands. "How?" I asked, rendered almost completely speechless from the shock.

"Look, Ian, you can see that I'm still human so just let us inside, okay?" Kyle said, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender. It was clear that he didn't want to fight, he just wanted to get Jodi inside so that he could get the soul out. That was the whole point of his mission, after all.

I scowled but moved out of the way, walking with them as they made their way inside. "How'd you get to Oregon and back so fast?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head. "She wasn't in Oregon. She was staying with Jodi's mother in Vegas."

I didn't say anything, although I was curious about how he had managed to grab her in a city that crowded without attracting any attention. And she was walking alongside him, not putting up any kind of a fight. What was up with that? I smirked when I heard the angry voices echoing off the walls, coming from the main field room. Someone must have heard Jared and alerted the others because it sounded like everyone was in there. "You're in for it," I muttered.

He frowned but walked into the room anyways, not seeming to care that he had upset everyone. They all started shouting as soon as they saw him, the noise was so loud that I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. Jared charged at him, his face red and livid, and Jamie grabbed onto his arm to hold him back. I turned and watched as Kyle stepped in front of Jodi, trying to shield her from the violence that many people wanted to inflict on him. "Just calm down, okay?" he called out, although he was being exceptionally dense if he thought everyone was going to relax just because he wanted them to. "Back off, Jared, you're scaring her!"

"What were you thinking, bringing her back here?" Jared asked, his voice so low and deadly that it was hard to hear over the shouts of the others.

Kyle ignored him, something across the room had caught his attention. "Wanda?" he called out, his naturally loud voice somehow managing to carry over all of the shouting. "_There_ you are! Could you _please_ come and give me a little help?"

I whirled around and saw her standing in the mouth of the tunnel that led to the kitchen area. There were bags under her eyes, and I realized that she had stayed up all night with the female Healer, trying to get some kind of response out of her. I watched as Jeb pushed people out of the way with his rifle so she could walk across the room. "That's enough," he said to those who took offense. "You'll get a chance to dress 'im down later. We all will. Let's get this sorted out first, okay? Let me through." Wanda brushed my arm softly as she passed, calming me down considerably. "Okay, Kyle," Jeb said, smacking the gun against his palm in a threatening manner. "Don't try to excuse yourself, 'cause there ain't no excuse. I'm plain torn between kickin' ya out and shootin' ya now." Jodi peeked around Kyle's elbow, her mouth open in horror. I could tell that she was as opposed to violence as Wanda was. The faint line of silver in her eyes threw me for a loop. I had known Jodi for so long, and it was so _strange_ knowing that someone else was in control of her body.

"But right now, let's calm everybody down." Jeb turned around and held the gun low across his body as he glared at the angry mob. "Kyle's got a guest, and you're scarin' the snot out of her, people. I think you can all dig up some better manners than that. Now, all of you clear out and get to work on something useful. My cantaloupes are dying. Somebody do something about that, hear?" The crowd dispersed and soon only Jared, Jamie and I remained. Jeb glared at the three of us and opened his mouth, probably to tell us to get lost but I grabbed Wanda's hand before he could say anything. There was no way I was going to miss this. Besides, I wanted to be there when they brought Jodi back. Kyle had dated her for so long that she was practically family. I noticed that Jamie had grabbed her other hand and Jared was holding onto her wrist because they both didn't want to get kicked out either. Jeb rolled his eyes at us, and then turned back to Kyle.

"Thanks, Jeb," Kyle said.

"Shut the hell up, Kyle," Jeb snapped. "Just keep your fat mouth _shut_. I'm dead serious about shooting you, you worthless maggot." Jodi whimpered in fright from behind Kyle.

"Okay, Jeb. But could you save the death threats till we're alone? She's terrified enough. You remember how that kind of stuff freaks Wanda out," Kyle said, smiling at Wanda. I felt her muscles lock up and I knew that she wasn't the only one feeling completely shocked. I was beginning to wonder if Kyle wasn't really back, and I was just having a very vivid dream. Then he turned to Jodi. "See, Sunny? This is Wanda, the one I told you about. She'll help you like us – she won't let anyone hurt you, just like me." Jodi, or Sunny as she was now called, stared curiously at Wanda. Kyle put his arm around her waist and pulled her out from behind him.

"Kyle's right," Wanda said softly, trying not to startle her. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Your name is Sunny?"

Sunny's eyes flashed up to Kyle's face uncertainly. "It's okay. You don't have to be afraid of Wanda. She's just like you." Then he turned to Wanda and said, "Her real name is longer – something about ice."

"Sunlight Passing Through The Ice," she whispered.

"She doesn't mind being called just Sunny, though. She said it was fine," Kyle said. Sunny nodded, seeming to relax now that everyone had calmed down.

"I was a Bear too, Sunny," Wanda said. "They called me Lives in the Stars then. Wanderer, here."

"Lives in the Stars," Sunny whispered, her eyes going wide in shock. "Rides the Beast."

Wanda rolled her eyes, looking more than a little exasperated. I had never heard that name for her before, and I made mental note to ask her about the story behind it later. "You lived in the second crystal city, I guess."

"Yes. I heard the story so many times…" I was having a hard time holding in my curiosity now, and I could see that Jamie and Jeb were interested too.

"Did you like being a Bear, Sunny?" Wanda asked, clearly not wanting to go into it now. "Were you happy there?" Sunny's face crumpled in pain, and she looked up at Kyle, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry," Wanda said, looking curiously at Kyle.

He patted Sunny's arm and said, "Don't be afraid. You won't be hurt. I promised."

"But I like it here. I want to stay," she whispered, her voice so low that I could barely hear her.

"I know, Sunny," Kyle said as he pulled her against his chest in a gesture of comfort. "I know."

Jeb cleared his throat and Sunny jumped in surprise. Then she cringed into Kyle's chest. "Sorry, Sunny. Didn't mean to scare you, there. Maybe we ought to get out of here, though." He turned and glared at the few people who were standing by the exits, obviously listening in to our conversation. He sighed, "Probably ought to git along to Doc."

"Right," Kyle said, pulling Sunny along with him as he headed for the south tunnel.

I followed behind him, still holding onto Wanda. Jeb paused and we all stopped, looking at him curiously. He pointed the butt of the rifle into Jamie's hip. "Ain't you got school, kid?"

"Aw, Uncle Jeb, _please_? Please? I don't want to miss –"

"Get your behind to class," Jeb said, cutting off all arguments.

Jamie turned to Wanda but she shook her head at him. "Could you get Trudy on your way?" she asked. "Doc needs her."

His shoulders slumped and he pulled his hand out of hers. "I miss _everything_," he moaned as he headed in the opposite direction.

Once he was gone, she whispered, "Thanks Jeb."

"Yep."

"It's okay," Kyle murmured to Sunny, who was obviously terrified, as we made our way to the hospital wing. "There's nothing that's going to hurt you, and I'm here."

"How's the Healer?" Jared asked. I scowled when I realized that he was holding her other hand now.

"She woke up, just before I came to find you," Wanda said. I sighed in relief and I could hear a few others doing the same. We had all gotten a little worried when she hadn't woken up right away, like Lacey. We hadn't wanted to face the possibility that the human hosts couldn't always come back. "She's disoriented, though, and very frightened. She can't remember her name. Doc's working with her. She's going to be even more scared when she sees all of you. Try to be quiet and move slowly, okay?" We all agreed quickly. "And, Jeb, do you think you could lose the gun? She's a little afraid of humans still."

"Uh – okay," Jeb said, obviously not feeling all that comfortable without his rifle.

"Afraid of humans?" Kyle asked, confused.

I suppressed a smile. "We're the bad guys." At least to the souls. I squeezed Wanda's hand and couldn't suppress the grin that formed when she squeezed mine back.

"Kyle?" Sunny asked timidly after we had walked in silence for a few minutes.

"Yes?" he replied.

"I don't want to go back to the Bears."

"You don't have to. You can go somewhere else."

"But I can't stay here?" I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"No. I'm sorry, Sunny." There was a hitch in her breathing, and I knew she was crying.

We reached the end of the tunnel, and I could hear Doc speaking quietly. "That's very good. Keep thinking of details. You know your old address – your name can't be far behind, eh? How does this feel? Not tender?" I was surprised when I realized that she was having that much trouble remembering things about herself. Apparently, coming back from being erased was a lot harder than I had originally thought.

"Careful," she whispered. We all paused at the arch as she walked slowly into the room. "Hello," she said in a low, even voice.

I heard a little shriek and assumed that it was the female Healer. "Just me again," Wanda said.

"It's Wanda," Doc said.

"That's the soul," the woman whispered, the fear evident in her trembling voice.

"Yes, but she's a friend," Doc said, trying to reassure her.

"Doc?" Wanda asked. "You've got a few more visitors. Is that okay?"

"These are all friends, all right?" Doc said to the frightened woman. "More of the humans who live here with me. None of them would ever dream of hurting you. Can they come in?"

The woman hesitated for a moment and then whispered, "Okay."

"This is Ian," Wanda said, motioning me forward. I walked slowly to Wanda's side, trying not to scare the Healer's host. The others followed my lead when Wanda said their names. "And Jared, and Jeb. And this is Kyle and… uh, Sunny." Doc's eyes widened in shock when Kyle and Sunny walked in.

"Are there any more?" she whispered.

Doc cleared his throat in an effort to compose himself. "Yes. There are a lot of people who live here. All… well, mostly humans."

"Trudy is on her way," Wanda said. "Maybe Trudy could… find a room… for her to rest in?" She glanced at Kyle and Sunny as she said this, knowing that what Kyle wanted to do would upset the woman.

Doc nodded. "That might be a good idea."

"Who's Trudy?" the woman whispered.

"She's very nice. She'll take care of you."

"Is she human, or is she like that one?" She nodded toward Wanda.

"She's human," Doc said. She relaxed back on to the cot.

Sunny must have noticed the occupied cryotanks sitting on Doc's desk, the lights on top growing red, because she buried her face into Kyle's chest as she burst into tears. "I don't want to go! I want to stay with you!"

Kyle wrapped his arms around her and said, "I know, Sunny. I'm sorry."

Sunny broke down into sobs. Wanda walked over to her and stroked her hair. "I need to talk to her for a minute, Kyle."

Kyle nodded and pulled her from his side. "No, no," she begged, grabbing for him.

"It's okay," Wanda said. "He's not going anywhere. I just want to ask you a few questions." She pulled Sunny into the far corner of the room, away from the rest of us so she wouldn't frighten the Healer's host any more than she already was. I followed them slowly, trying to block the hysterical soul from the woman. They didn't seem to notice me as I listened to Kyle explain how he had kidnapped her. Sunny hadn't put up any kind of a fight when she first saw him. Apparently, she loved Kyle just as much as Jodi had, much like Wanda loved those that Melanie loved, but she was incredibly upset when she realized that Kyle had stolen her away for the sole purpose of removing her from Jodi's body. She put up a bit of a fight, wondering why Wanda got to stay when she couldn't. And then I heard Wanda say, "That _wouldn't_ be fair, would it? But I don't get to stay, Sunny. I have to go, too. And soon. Maybe we'll leave together. I have to go, Sunny, just like you. I have to give my body back, too."

It took me a moment to process what she had just said. Wanda was leaving? How? Why? I couldn't even imagine living without her; she had become such a large part of my life. I didn't want to. I was completely enraged at the thought of someone trying to take her away from me. "What?" I asked, my voice hard and flat with my anger. I walked to the far corner they occupied in two quick strides and glared down at the three of them. How could she plan this and not say anything about it to me?

"Ian?" Kyle asked, completely bewildered by my reaction. "What's the problem?"

I could only focus on her. "Wanda," I said, my voice practically a growl. I held my hand out to her, letting her know that I wanted to discuss this somewhere else. I couldn't to do it here with everyone watching us. I watched as the sadness swept across her face, and I realized that she had planned on keeping it from me. Maybe she would have left in the middle of the night so that Melanie would have to explain everything to me after the fact. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her to her feet. Sunny was still holding onto her, and I shook her off.

"What is _with_ you?" Kyle asked. I couldn't contain my anger anymore. How could he ask me that? Hadn't he heard what she just said? She was planning to leave, for fuck's sake! Why couldn't he see that I was simply reacting to that? I pulled my leg back and smashed my foot right into Kyle's nose.

"Ian!" Wanda said reproachfully.

He grabbed his nose, trying to stop the blood flow, and struggled to his feet. Sunny threw herself in front of him as if she planned on protecting him from me. Her sudden movement knocked Kyle back down and I was glad. I didn't have time to deal with his wounded pride right now. "C'mon," I said, turning abruptly. I had to get out of the hospital wing.

"Ian –" Wanda said, probably wanting me to calm down. I couldn't.

Jared stood in the exit, blocking my only way out. "Have you lost your mind, Ian?" he asked, completely shocked by my reaction. "What are you doing to her?"

The fact that he was even going to pretend that he actually gave a crap about Wanda made me see red. "Did you know about this?" I yelled, my voice echoing off the rocky cave walls. I was so angry that I was shaking, and therefore, Wanda was as well.

"You're going to hurt her!" he shouted back.

I was going to hurt her? _Me_? I was the only one who looked out for her, kept her best interests in mind. Even she didn't do that! And who did Jared think he was, saying something like that to me? He had been hurting her ever since she came to the caves! "Do you know what she's planning?" I asked. His face went completely blank, the way it did when he didn't want anyone to know what he was thinking. And that was enough for me. I pulled back and punched him, hoping that I had broken his nose as well.

"Ian, stop," Wanda begged, trying to check on him as I pulled her down the south hallway.

"_You_ stop," I shot back. Why did she have to do this, sacrifice herself again and again, for Jared? Couldn't she see that he didn't care about her, that he was only concerned with Melanie's body? How could she love him after this, after he was willing to let her go just so he could get Melanie back?

"O'Shea!" I heard Jared yell. I almost hoped that he would follow us so that I could hit him again.

"_I'm_ going to hurt her?" I yelled over my shoulder, continuing down the corridor at the same quick pace. "_I_ am? _You hypocritical swine_!" I didn't realize how hard I was gripping her arm, or that Wanda was having trouble keeping up with me, until she let out a moan of pain. Oh God, I _was_ hurting her. I was no better than Jared. That thought stopped me in my tracks.

"Ian, Ian, I…" she said. I didn't want to hear her explanations here, where anyone could see us. I picked her up quickly, before she could say anything else, and cradled her to my chest. And then I ran through the caves as fast as I could, not even seeing the faces of the people I passed. I didn't stop until I reached my room. I kicked the red door out of my way and dropped her down onto my mattress. I was panting, both in anger and exertion, as I put the door back in place. Then I turned back and watched Wanda as she rolled onto her knees and held her hands out to me. I couldn't stop wondering why she thought she had to do this.

"You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me." I glared down at her, trying to get my point across without resorting to shouting again.

"Ian," she whispered, looking at me pleadingly. "You have to see that… that I can't stay. You _must_ see that!"

But I would _never_ think it was right for her to leave. "_No_!" I shouted. She cringed away from me, and I realized that I was scaring her. And then I felt it, the pain that flooded through me every time I thought about being without Wanda. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't. The pain was too great; there was simply too much of it. I fell down to my knees in front of her and locked my arms around her waist. I tried to bury my head in her stomach to muffle the sobs that were shaking my whole body. How could I let her leave if the mere thought of being without her did this to me?

"No, Ian, no," she pleaded. "Don't, please. Please, don't."

But I couldn't stop. "Wanda," I managed to choke out.

"Ian, please. Don't feel this way," she said. She couldn't see that it was impossible for me to not feel this way. "Don't. I'm so sorry. Please."

I didn't have to look up to know that she was crying; I could hear the tears in her voice. "You can't leave," I said, gripping her tighter. I wouldn't let her leave. I would anchor myself to her until she realized that she didn't have to sacrifice herself for Melanie and Jared. There had to be some other way.

"I have to," she said, sobbing just like I was. "I have to." But she didn't. This wasn't right. The anger was coming back now, trying to overshadow the pain. Jared was selfishly putting his wants before the good of the community. We were better off with Wanda than without her. She had already done so much for us, getting us the alien medicine, going on raids, showing us how to remove the souls from their hosts… And then it was like something clicked. Of course. I should have seen this sooner. She had been planning this ever since she took the Seeker from Lacey's body. She must have thought that it was only a matter of time until Jared forced her out of Melanie. But I wouldn't let him touch her. It was easier to get a hold on the pain then, easier to rein it in until it stopped tearing me apart. The simple fact that I was not going to let anything happen to Wanda made it easier. Once I had stopped crying, I straightened up and pulled Wanda into my arms.

"Sorry," I whispered. I knew that if I tried to speak louder, I would end up shouting again. "I was mean."

"No, no. _I'm_ sorry. I should have told you, when you didn't guess. I just… I couldn't… I didn't want to tell you – to hurt you – to hurt me. It was selfish."

But what she was planning on doing, giving herself up for Melanie, was the opposite of selfish. Why couldn't she be selfish when it actually mattered? "We need to talk about this, Wanda. It's not a done deal. It can't be."

"It is." She spoke with finality, as if she had already made her decision and wasn't going to change it.

I could feel my muscles tensing up again, getting ready for another fight. But I didn't want to yell at Wanda anymore. I should my head and changed the subject. "How long? How long have you been planning this?"

"Since the Seeker," she whispered, confirming my suspicions.

I nodded. "And you thought that you had to give up your secret to save her. I can understand that. But that doesn't mean that you have to go anywhere. Just because Doc knows now… that doesn't _mean_ anything. If I thought for one minute that it did, that one action equaled the other, I wouldn't have stood there and let you show him. No one is going to force you to lie down on his blasted gurney! I'll break his hands if he tries to touch you!"

"Ian, please," she said.

"They can't make you, Wanda! Do you hear me?" It took me a moment to realize that I was shouting again.

"No one is making me. I didn't show Doc how to do the separation so that I could save the Seeker. The Seeker's being here just made me have to decide… faster. I did it to save Mel, Ian." My hands clenched into fists behind her back. I was really starting to dislike Melanie Stryder. "She's trapped in here, Ian. It's like a prison – worse than that; I can't even describe it. She's like a ghost. And I can free her. I can give her herself back."

It was noble of Wanda to want to free Melanie, it really was, but she would erase herself by doing it. And she deserved so much more than that. "You deserve a life, too, Wanda," I said, trying to convince her. "You deserve to stay."

"But I _love_ her, Ian." I understood then, even though I didn't want to. I could understand loving someone so much that you would do anything for them: I felt that way for Wanda.

It was wrong, and really stupid, of me, but I was desperate. I tried to use her need to appease everything against her. "But I love _you_," I whispered. "Doesn't that matter?"

"Of course it matters," she said softly. "So much. Can't you see? That only makes it more necessary."

My eyes flashed to hers as I tried to fully comprehend what she meant. Was she really that disgusted by my love for her? It felt as if she had stabbed me right through the heart. "Is it so unbearable to have me love you? Is that it? I can keep my mouth shut, Wanda. I won't say it again. You can be with Jared, if that's what you want. Just stay." And it was true. I would live through the pain of seeing her with someone else as long as she stopped this.

"No, Ian!" she said, grabbing my face with both of her hands. "No. I – I love you, too. Me, the little silver worm in the back of her head. But my body doesn't love you. It can't love you. I can never love you in this body, Ian. It pulls me in two. It's unbearable." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the truth in hers. I had wanted her to love me for so long, but I had come to expect this. Melanie would never allow her to be with me, not when she was so wrapped up in Jared. I felt the pain trying to overtake me once more, but I held it back as best as I could. I didn't want to cry in front of her again; it would only make things worse. Then Wanda did something completely unexpected. She wrapped her arms around my neck, much like she had when she was desperate to find Melanie, and pulled herself closer to me until our lips touched. I reacted instantly, pulling her as close as she could possibly get. It felt like our lips were fused together, never to separate again, and I could taste the salt of our tears mixing together. I wondered briefly how Melanie felt about this, but all thought flew out of my mind when she bit down on my lower lip. And there it was again, the fire I had felt the first time I kissed her. It burned from the skin inwards, changing every part of me that it touched. It was silly and cliché, but Wanda had changed me, had made me re-evaluate so many things in my life. I had gotten better, strived for it, for her. And I wasn't going to let her leave. I would do everything I could to make her stay, even if it meant never leaving her side again.

She started to cry again. It must be difficult, having someone in her head that objected so strongly to whom she loved. But we could work through it. I kissed her closed eyelids, hoping to stop the tears. "Don't cry, Wanda. Don't cry. You're staying with me."

"Eight full lives," she whispered, her lips rekindled the fire as they moved against my jaw. "Eight full lives and I never found anyone I would stay on a planet for, anyone I would follow when they left. I never found a partner. Why now? Why you? You're not of my species. How can you be my partner?"

"It's a strange universe," I murmured. My mind was elsewhere, trying to come up with a plan to fix this. A tribunal might help. If I got Jeb on my side, no one would try to take her from me. I couldn't let everyone know, though. The majority would want her gone, and I wasn't sure if Jeb would give in to their demands. It would have to be just us and Doc. And even though I didn't want to include him, Jared would have to take part in this as well. It wouldn't be fair if he wasn't there to argue Melanie's side.

"It's not fair," she whispered. "I love you."

I had longed to hear her say those words for so long but I didn't want them now. It felt wrong, like it was the last time I would hear her say it. "Don't say that like you're saying goodbye."

She continued on, despite my protests. "I, the soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And that will never change, no matter what I might become. If I were a Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn't matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You will be my only partner."

Her words only deepened the pain. I couldn't let her go, not after hearing her say the words I had been waiting months for. My arms tightened around her. Jared would have to break them if he wanted to even get near her. "You're not wandering off anywhere. You're staying here."

"Ian –"

I interrupted her. "This isn't just for me. You're a part of this community, and you aren't getting kicked out without discussion. You are far too important – even to the ones who would never admit it. We need you." And it was true, I wasn't using this as a way to stall her or change her mind. The community needed her, more than I needed her and more than Jared needed Melanie. It was hard to imagine what the caves would be like if she had never come because she had changed it all so completely, all for the better.

"No one's kicking me out, Ian," she said.

"No," I said, because she was trying to kick herself out. She had never thought she belonged here, although I had no idea why. She was more human, in the non-physical sense of the word, than any of us. _We_ didn't deserve _her_. "Not even yourself, Wanderer." I kissed her again, rougher than before. I couldn't fully appreciate it, though, because I was so consumed with anger. But I couldn't stop myself now that I knew she enjoyed it just as much as I did. I pulled her face an inch away from mine and demanded, "Good or bad?"

"Good," she said. I could tell that she wasn't lying.

"That's what I thought," I said, and then I kissed her again. My arms tightened around her, wanting her closer even though it wasn't physically possible. Her lips moved with mine until she was gasping for breath. I pulled away then, burying my face in her hair. "Let's go," I said, my lips at her ear.

"Where? Where are we going?" she asked.

"Don't give me any trouble about this, Wanderer. I'm half out of my mind." I stood up abruptly, pulling her up with me.

"Where?" she asked again.

"You're going down to the eastern tunnel, past the field, to the end." I wouldn't let her come with as I found everyone. She would do whatever she could to stop me, probably invite Sharon and Maggie to take part in the tribunal, and I couldn't let her do that. This was too important.

"The game room?"

"Yes. And then you are going to wait there until I get the rest of them."

"Why?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Because this _will_ be discussed. I'm calling a tribunal, Wanderer, and you are going to abide by our decision." As long as it was the _right_ one, anyways. She looked like she was going to argue but stopped when she saw the determined look on my face. She sighed in exasperation as she turned and headed towards the rec room.

It didn't take me long to find them, they were all still in the hospital wing. The Healer's body was gone and Jodi was lying motionless on a cot. Kyle was sitting beside her, cradling an occupied cryotank to his chest. It was obvious that they had been busy in our absence. Jeb and Jared agreed to come at once, both realizing that I wanted to discuss what Wanda had just revealed. Doc was strangely reluctant, but he finally agreed once he was convinced that Jodi would be fine while he was gone. I walked with them to the rec room, blocking everything out. I knew that Jeb would see my point, having Wanda around was good for the whole community because she knew so much about the souls, but I also knew that he might have a hard time being completely objective. Melanie was his niece. It would be difficult to go against his family, no matter how much he liked Wanda. I didn't know what I would do if he sided with Jared and wanted to make Doc take Wanda out of Melanie's body, but I knew that I couldn't let them do it. I would have to improvise, find some way to get out of there quickly without making him use his rifle.

As soon as we arrived, Wanda turned to Doc and asked, "How is she?"

"Which one?" he asked as the five of us gathered around a small blue lamp on the ground.

Wanda's eyes widened in shock once she realized what he meant. "Sunny's gone? Already?"

"Kyle thought it was cruel to make her suffer longer. She was… unhappy.

"I wish I could have said goodbye," she murmured. "And good luck. How is Jodi?"

"No response yet."

"The Healer's body?"

"Trudy took her away. I think they went to get something to eat. They're working on finding a temporary name she likes, so we can call her something besides _the body_," he said, smiling wryly.

"She'll be fine. I'm sure she will. And Jodi, too. It will all work out." It was clear that she was trying to make herself believe that we'd be fine without her. I wondered if she even realized that she was lying to herself.

Doc sighed and said, "I don't want to be away from Jodi long. She might need something."

"Right. Let's get this over with," she said. I could see that she was determined to get her way. I don't think she realized that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to stop her, even if it meant leaving the caves.

"Okay," Jeb said. "Wanda, what's your side?"

"I'm giving Melanie back," she said, her voice firm. She was trying not to give us a reason to argue with her.

"Ian, what's yours?" he asked.

I decided to follow Wanda's lead of being short and firm. "We need Wanda here."

Jeb nodded. "That's a tricky one. Wanda, why should I agree with you?"

"If it were you, you'd want your body back. You can't deny Melanie that," she said.

"Ian?" Jeb asked.

"We have to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wanda's already brought us more health and security than we've ever had. She's vital to the survival of our community – of the entire human race. One person can't stand in the way of that." They were all valid points, and I knew there was no way he could disagree with me.

"Wanda, what does Mel say?" Jared asked.

She stared into his eyes and got that look on her face, the one that said she'd do anything for him. My hands balled up into fists as I resisted the urge to punch him. "Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back." Her eyes went unfocused, like they usually did when she was talking to Melanie.

"Liar," I said. "I can see you arguing with her. I'll bet she agrees with me. She's a good person. She knows how much we need you."

"Mel knows everything I know," she argued. "She'll be able to help you. And the Healer's host. She knows more than I ever did. You'll be fine. You were fine before I was here. You'll survive, just like before."

Jeb frowned. "I don't know, Wanda. Ian's got a point."

I watched Jared as he glared daggers at Jeb. I couldn't believe that he was going to argue this. It was so selfish, which wasn't like him. Usually he was willing to do whatever was good for all of us. "Jeb," he said. "There's only one decision here. You know that."

"Is there, kid? Seems to be there's a whole barrel of 'em."

"That's Melanie's body!" Jared protested.

"And Wanda's, too," Jeb pointed out.

"You can't leave Mel trapped in there – it's like murder, Jeb."

I couldn't stay silent any more, I was likely to seriously maim him if I did. "And what is it that you're doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away."

"You don't care about the rest of anybody!" he said, his voice rising in anger. "You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie's expense – nothing else matters to you."

I was a little shocked that he was throwing that in my face when he felt the exact same way about Melanie. "And you want to have Melanie at Wanda's expense – nothing else matters to _you_! So, with those things being equal, it comes down to what's best for everyone else."

"No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! That's her body!" He started to get up, his hands clenched into fists, and I was more than ready to fight him. It would be nice to have an outlet for my rage.

"Cool it, boys!" Jeb said, and we both sat back down. "Cool it, right now! This is a tribunal, and we're going to stay calm and keep our heads. We've got to think about every side."

"Jeb –" Jared started to protest, but Jeb cut him off.

"Shut up." He chewed his lip for a long time and then said, "Okay, here's how I see it. Wanda's right –" I jumped to my feet in disbelief. He couldn't do this, it was the wrong choice! "Hold it! Sit yourself back down. Let me finish." He waited until I sat back down to continue. "Wanda is right. Mel needs her body back. _But_," he added, when he saw me tensing up again, "but I don't agree with the rest, Wanda. I think we need you pretty bad, kid. We got Seekers out there lookin' for us, and you can talk right to 'em. The rest of us can't do that. You save lives. I got to think about the welfare of my household."

"So we get her another body," Jared said through his teeth. "Obviously." My eyes widened in shock. I hadn't thought about it before but putting Wanda in a new body would solve so many problems. She could stay and Jared could get Melanie back. It was a win-win situation.

"No! _No_!" Wanda said, shaking her head.

"Why not, Wanda?" Jeb asked. "Don't sound like a half-bad idea to me."

Wanda took a deep breath and said, "Jeb. Listen to me carefully, Jeb. I am _tired_ of being a parasite. Can you understand that? Do you think I want to go into another body and have to start this all over again? Do I have to feel guilty forever for taking someone's life away from them? Do I have to have someone else hate me? I'm barely a soul anymore – I love you brutish humans too much. It's wrong for me to be here, and I _hate_ feeling that. And what if things change? What if you put me in someone else, steal another life, and it goes wrong? What if that body pulls me after some other love, back to the souls? What if you can't trust me anymore? What if I betray you next time? I don't want to hurt you!"

She started crying again, and I pulled her into my arms. "It's okay, honey. You don't have to be anyone else. Nothing's going to change."

"Hold on, Wanda," Jeb said. "How does going to one of those other planets help you? You'll still be a parasite, kid." I flinched at the word. I wished they would stop calling her that, Wanda was not a parasite.

"It's different on other planets, Jeb. There isn't any resistance. And the hosts themselves are different. They aren't as individualized as humans; their emotions are so much milder. It doesn't feel like stealing a life. Not like it feels here. No one will hate me. And I'd be too far away to hurt you. You'd be safer…" It almost sounded like she was lying, but it was hard to tell though the tears.

Jeb sighed. "This is a pickle."

But I didn't really think there was any other option. We needed Wanda. It was sad that it had to be at Melanie's expense, but I could tell that she agreed with me. "Jeb –" I started to say, but Jared spoke at the same time. He stopped talking as well and we scowled at each other, both incredibly annoyed by the other.

"Jeb," Wanda said, her voice so soft that it was hard to hear her. "You don't have to decide right now. Doc needs to check on Jodi, and I'd like to see her, too. Plus, I haven't eaten all day. Why don't you sleep on it? We can talk again tomorrow. We've got plenty of time to think about this."

"That's a good idea, Wanda," Jeb said. "I think everyone here could use a breather. Go get some food, and we'll all sleep on it."

Wanda wiped the last of her tears away and said, "I'll be along to help with Jodi after I eat, Doc. See you later."

"Okay," he said. It was weird. He sounded wary, like he was dreading seeing Wanda again.

"Hungry?" I asked. She nodded and I helped her up, latching on to her hand. I wasn't going to let her out of my sight now.

She led me to the middle of the field in the next room and sat down in the half-grown sprouts of wheat. "Can we eat here? I don't want Jamie to know about… all of this." I nodded, and went to get some food. I understood why she didn't want to tell him; he would be crushed if he knew what she was planning. Jared and I were biased, we both loved one of the ones inside that body, but not the other. Jamie loved the both of them equally. He would be torn either way.

We ate in silence, both lost in our thoughts about the tribunal. When we were done, we went to the hospital wing. Jodi hadn't come back yet; she was still motionless on the cot. My brother and Doc were taking good care of her, though, and we didn't spend too much time there. She went with me to my room because she was still avoiding Jamie. I was delighted by this, selfishly hoping that it would last for a while, but I could tell that she was bothered by it. I could feel her trembling in my arms. "It's going to fine, Wanda," I said, trying to reassure her. "I know that we'll find a solution."

"I truly love you, Ian," she said. "With my whole soul, I love you."

"I truly love you, too, my Wanderer." I nuzzled my face against her face until my lips found hers. The kiss was slow and gentle, the way I had always wanted to kiss her, the way I planned to kiss her for the rest of our lives. I pulled away when she stopped shaking and smiled. "Sleep, Wanda. Save it for tomorrow. It will keep for the night." I was so happy that she was there with me, that she loved me too, and it didn't take me long to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I knew something was wrong as soon as I woke up. It was still dark out and I felt oddly empty. And then I realized that Wanda was gone; she had taken off while I was sleeping, and I knew instantly what had happened. I jumped off my mattress and raced to the hospital wing. She had lied. She wasn't going to wait for Jeb's decision; she was just going to sneak off in the middle of the night. I could only hope that Doc had stopped her. I was shocked when I skidded to a stop in the entrance to the hospital, completely out of breath. Melanie's body was lying facedown on a cot, blood gushing from the surgical incision on her neck. Doc was holding a glowing silver ribbon: Wanda in her true form, in his hands. Jared was standing behind Doc with a knife to this throat while Kyle watched in shock from the cot he had been sleeping on. They all froze when they saw me.

"What the hell is going on?" I roared. I couldn't believe that she had done this, had managed to fool me into thinking that she would stay until Jeb had decided. I couldn't be angry with her, though. I was in too much pain. Life without Wanda was a reality now.

"It's not what you think," Jared said. He looked as if he were actually frightened by me, and there was a small part of me that was glad. There were all different scenarios running through my head, most of them involving him forcing Doc to take Wanda out. I advanced on him quickly, raiding my fists so that I would be ready to hit him as soon as I was close enough.

"Ian, wait! He's saving her!" Kyle called out. I looked at him in disbelief. "Apparently, she had some kind of agreement with Doc."

Doc's face twisted in shame. "What the hell is he talking about?" I asked.

"It can wait," Jared said. "Get a tank."

I realized then that Wanda was suffocating. I ran to Doc's desk, grabbed an empty cryotank, and opened it as I hurried over to Doc's makeshift operating table. He placed Wanda into the freezing tank and I closed the lid. "Explain," I said, glaring at the both of them.

Doc sighed, suddenly looking exhausted, and held his hand up to make me wait. He grabbed the soul medicine and quickly healed Melanie's neck. He helped Jared turn her over and then said, "Wanda came to me before she removed the Seeker from Lacey's body and said that she'd show me how to do the procedure if I agreed to her terms. You heard the first part of it, but she also wanted me to take her out of Melanie and… and let her die."

"_What_?" I felt like I had just been blindsided by something that was aiming directly for my heart. I walked over to an empty cot and sat down. "You mean she's been planning to die this whole time?" I didn't know what I would have done if Doc had actually gone through with her plan. It was one thing if they sent her off to another planet, at least I'd know that she was still out there in the universe, but her death was different. It was so much more final. And to think that she had been planning this for weeks… I felt so stupid. I turned to Jared and asked, "When… how did you figure this out?"

He evaded my question by turning to Doc, who was checking Melanie's pulse, and asking, "How is she doing?"

I frowned. What did that mean? Had he seen her before she came to Doc? Had he known what she was doing and let her go through with it anyways? I was broken out of my thoughts when I heard Doc say, "Her pulse is speeding up."

"What does that mean? Is she going to be okay?" Jared asked worriedly.

Before Doc could answer, Melanie opened her eyes and started screaming. "Wanda! No!" Her eyes focused on Doc and she asked frantically, "Where's Wanda?"

The look of absolutely joy on Jared's face cut through me. He had gotten everything he wanted. Melanie was back now. It was strange, how bitter I felt. I had never actually despised someone simply because they were happy before now. I didn't like it. He placed his hand on her cheek. "Oh, Mel," he said softly. I looked away, wanting to give them some privacy as they were reunited.

Kyle caught my eye and mouthed the words, "I'm sorry." I frowned and turned away, not wanting his sympathy.

A few minutes later, I heard Melanie ask, "Where is she, Jared?" I turned and saw that she was sitting up. Jared was on the cot with her, his arms wrapped around her and a huge grin on his face. It was weird, looking at Melanie and knowing that it wasn't Wanda. I didn't feel that strange pull anymore, and I wasn't the least bit jealous as I watched her with Jared.

"Ian's got her," he said, bending down and kissing her jawline.

She noticed me for the first time and winced. I didn't know what I looked like, but it had to be bad. I felt completely hollow. "Is she dead?" she asked in a small, scared voice. I shook my head and she tried to get up. "We have to find her a new body!" She sounded frantic, like she thought Wanda would die if she didn't have a new host in a few minutes.

Jared chuckled at her reaction and held her down on the cot. "Wanda can wait. You need to let Doc check you out."

She scowled at him, but laid back down. "Fine. But then we're going to find her a body."

"Are you sure?" Jared asked, his smile so wide that I thought it might crack his face. "I think Jamie would like to see you first." She sighed longingly, but didn't say anything else as Doc examined her. I made it back to my room soon after that, although I'm not quite sure how, and stayed in there with Wanda for a long time.

Time seemed to fly by as I stared blankly at the wall, trying to figure out what would happen now. Would we find a new host for Wanda or would Jeb decide to let her die? It was what she wanted, after all. He would have to wrestle her tank from me, of course, but I'm sure there were a few people who wouldn't have a problem with that. It was almost sunset when Jamie came to my room and asked if I wanted to go with him, Jared and Melanie to get her a body. But I didn't really care what she looked like; I'd love her no matter what. Besides, I was more concerned with her safety. I couldn't leave her here alone, and it would be impractical to bring her on a raid. I knew that Doc and Jeb were willing to protect her, but I wasn't convinced they'd be able to stop someone determined to hurt her. They left soon after that. I'd like to say that life went on in the caves, but the truth was, I spent most of my time in my room with Wanda. Lily came by a few times and sat with me, but we didn't say much. We were both wallowing in her grief, although I felt like some kind of fake. Wes was dead, while I would get Wanda back eventually, but she didn't seem to mind. Kyle stayed with Jodi in the hospital wing for over a week, but she wasn't waking up, and there was no way to feed her. Finally, Kyle made Candy, the female Healer's host, put Sunny back inside Jodi's body before her muscles atrophied. Kyle was upset, but he spent all of his time with her, trying to help her find Jodi somewhere in her mind.

Melanie, Jared and Jamie got back with a body after a few weeks. It even looked like Wanda. It was small and delicate, with wide, doe-like grey eyes and wavy blonde hair. There was a small amount of freckles spattered across the nose, the lips were full and pink and the skin was ghostly pale. The soul inside was named Petals Open To The Moon, and I sat with the body once she had been extracted. I talked to her for almost a week before we decided that the human mind wasn't coming back. I almost felt guilty for being overjoyed by that, but I really didn't care because I was getting Wanda back. I helped Candy with the insertion, not allowing anyone else to touch Wanda, and then stayed by her side as we waited for her to wake up. It felt as if practically everyone else was there with me.

"Wanda?" Doc asked as he checked her pulse. "Can you hear me, Wanda?"

"Wanda. Come back," Melanie said. "We aren't letting you go."

Candy handed a white spray bottle to Doc and said, "Use the Awake."

He sprayed it in her face and I watched as she took a deep breath. "Wanderer?" I said, leaning closer to her and grabbing both of her hands. "We're all waiting for you, honey. Open your eyes." I kissed her lips softly and then her eyelids, hoping that she could actually feel it.

She blinked a few times and Jamie could barely hold in his excitement. "She's waking up!"

I put my hand on her face and asked, "Wanderer?"

She turned and looked at me, her eyes wide in shock and confusion. "Ian?" she asked. "Ian, where am I? _Who_ am I?"

That was a stupid question. "You're you," I said. "And you're right where you belong."

She pulled one of her hands free and moved it towards her face. She froze when she saw it, looking completely terrified. Then she flexed her fingers, realizing that it was her hand. Her eyes were unfocused as she remembered something and then demanded, "Where is she? Where is Pet?"

"She's right here," Doc assured her, holding the occupied cryotank up for her to see. "Tanked and ready to go. We thought you could tell us the best place to send her."

She looked at him and her eyes narrowed in anger. "Doc!" she gasped. "Doc, you promised! You gave me your oath, _Eustace_! Why? Why did you break your word?"

Doc looked down, not wanting Wanda to see that he was glad he hadn't gone through with her plan. "Even an honest man sometimes caves to duress, Wanda."

"Duress," Jared scoffed.

"I'd say a knife to the throat counts as duress, Jared."

"You knew I wouldn't really use it."

"That I did not. You were quite persuasive."

"A knife?" Wanda asked, trembling in fright.

I pulled myself closer to her and murmured, "Shh, it's all okay." My breath blew strands of her hair across her face and she pushed them away. "Did you really think you could leave us that way? Wanda!" I tried to sound reproachful but it wasn't working. I was too happy to have her back.

"I told you I didn't want to be a parasite," she whispered.

"Let me through," Melanie said. Doc moved out of the way and she stood on Wanda's other side. "Listen up, Wanda. I know exactly what you don't want to be. But we're human, and we're selfish, and _we_ don't always do the right thing. We aren't letting you go. Deal with it."

"Mel?" Wanda asked, surprised. "Mel, you're okay!"

Melanie smiled and leaned down to hug her. "Of course I am. Wasn't that the point of all the drama? And you're going to be fine, too. We weren't stupid about it. We didn't just grab the first body we saw."

"Let me tell her, let me!" Jamie said, shoving in beside Melanie.

"Jamie!" Wanda said, grabbing his hand.

"Hey, Wanda! This is cool, isn't it? You're smaller than me now!" he said, grinning triumphantly.

"But still older. I'm almost –" She stopped herself abruptly and then said, "My birthday is in two weeks. I'll be eighteen." I stiffened in surprise, almost sure that she was lying. She didn't look a day over sixteen.

Jamie patted her face, making her focus on him again. "They let me come on the raid to get you."

"I know," she muttered. "I remember… Well, Pet remembers seeing you there." She turned to glare at Melanie, who shrugged.

"We tried not to scare her," Jamie said. "She's so… kind of fragile-looking, you know? And nice, too. We picked her out together, but I got to decide. See, Mel said we had to get someone young – someone who had a bigger percentage of life as a soul or something. But not too young, because she knew you wouldn't want to be a child. And then Jared liked this face, because he said no one could ever dis… _distrust_ it. You don't look dangerous at all. You look the opposite of dangerous. Jared said anyone who sees you would just naturally want to protect you, right, Jared? But then I got the final say, because I was looking for someone who looked like _you_. And then I thought this looked like you. Because she sort of looks like an angel, and you're good like that. And real pretty. I knew you would be pretty. Ian didn't come. He just sat here with you – he said he didn't care what you looked like. He wouldn't let anyone else put a finger on your tank at all, not even me or Mel. But Doc let me watch this time. It was way cool, Wanda. I don't know why you wouldn't let me watch before. They wouldn't let me help, though. Ian wouldn't let anyone touch you but him."

I squeezed her hand and whispered, "I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful." I needed her to know that I loved _her_, the soul, not her body.

Her eyes filled with tears. "You like it, don't you?" Jamie asked, his voice filled with worry. "You're not mad? There's nobody in there with you, is there?"

"I'm not mad, exactly," Wanda whispered. "And I – I can't find anybody else. Just Pet's memories. Pet's been in here since… I can't remember when she wasn't here. I can't remember any other name."

"You're not a parasite," Melanie said firmly, playing with Wanda's wavy golden hair. "This body doesn't belong to Pet, but there's nobody else to claim it. We waited to make sure, Wanda. We tried to wake her up almost as long as we tried with Jodi."

"Jodi?" Wanda asked, her voice high with anxiety. "What happened to Jodi?"

Doc answered her while Wanda looked around the room. "Jodi didn't respond. We kept trying as long as we could. We were able to keep her hydrated, but we had no way to feed her. We were worried about atrophy – her muscles, her brain…"

Wanda noticed her then. "Sunny!" she said, smiling at her.

"I got to stay," Sunny said. She was trying not to sound smug but wasn't succeeding. She looked up at Kyle, who was taking Jodi's absence pretty hard, and frowned. "I'm trying, though. I am looking for her. I will keep looking."

Doc continued, "Kyle had us put Sunny back when it looked like we would lose Jodi."

Wanda turned back to me. I couldn't read her expression and that made me nervous. I had hoped that she wouldn't mind being back with us, but maybe she really wanted to die. She had never seemed suicidal to me, but it had already been proven that I didn't know everything about her. "You don't mind staying here _too_ much, do you, Wanda? Do you think that maybe you could tolerate it?" I asked softly.

She looked back at the crowd of people watching her, most of them smiling in welcome. I couldn't stop myself from touching her and I pushed her hair out of her face. "I suppose I could do that," she whispered. "If it makes you happy."

Of course I would be happy if she stayed, but that wasn't what I wanted. She had to be happy, too, I refused to hold her prisoner. "That's not good enough, actually," I said. "It has to make _you_ happy, too."

She looked in my eyes for a few seconds and then looked down at her lap, a gorgeous blush filling her cheeks. She repeated that a few times and then said, "I… think it might. I think it might make me very, very happy."

I pulled her face up so that she was forced to look into my eyes. Her cheeks flushed darker and I smiled. "Then you will stay," I said. I kissed her there, not caring who saw. It still felt the same, even though I was kissing a different body, and that didn't surprise me one bit. I hoped that it was the same for her.

"I will stay," she said when I pulled away. And that was all I needed to hear.


	8. Extra 1

**Disclaimer:** The Host and all of its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing in her world from time to time.

**A/N:** Here is the epilogue as a little extra. I wrote this pretty quickly while I was procrastinating, haha. Hope you guys like it! I'm not really sure what else I can write as an extra, so if you'd like to see something else from the book just let me know! :) And many thanks to efficacious humorosity for betaing!

**Extra #1: Epilogue**

I didn't let Wanda out of my sight after her reinsertion. I was scared that if I left her alone for one second, she would disappear again or actually succeed at taking her own life. And whenever I was with her, I couldn't stop myself from touching her, running my hands through her hand or caressing her cheek. She was just so soft, small, and delicate, that it was impossible not to reach out to her. Everyone else seemed to be having the same problem, patting her head or stroking her hair at any chance they got. It was the body that they had found for her; protecting her just came instinctually to everyone. And she seemed to have a hard time adjusting to her new limitations. Petals Open To The Moon's body was much weaker than Melanie's. Wanda was used to carrying loads and doing work, and now she was simply physically unable to do much of anything. I could tell that it annoyed her, even though I thought it was stupid. She still thought she didn't belong with us and wanted to use physical labor as a way to make up for it, even though the majority of us had shown her that we wanted her around.

And life went on in the caves, although it seemed so much brighter now. Candy remembered more from the soul inside of her than she had from her own human life, and now she was performing miracles in the hospital wing. People were surviving when, for all intents and purposes, they should be dead. It was an amazing thing to witness, and it was a shame that we did have this technology sooner. Too many of us had died in senseless accidents or from infections or diseases that we could now cure. Kyle and Sunny continued to look for Jodi, even though Sunny seemed a little reluctant. It was clear that she had fallen in love with my brother, much like Wanda had fallen for Jared, and she didn't want to leave him now that she had found him again. Kyle wasn't oblivious to this fact, but he was too determined to get Jodi back to fully comprehend what it meant. I didn't think Jodi would be coming back, and I knew that it would completely break my brother. And at the same time, I could sympathize with Sunny. I knew what it felt like to be completely smitten with someone who would always love someone else more.

That was one of the dark sides of life. I had hoped that Wanda's love for Jared would disappear with her new body, but it was clear that it hadn't. I would still catch her looking at him longingly, as if she thought he was the most amazing man in the world. It was hard to hold back my jealousy then. She couldn't excuse the feelings away as Melanie's anymore; they were all hers and that was a bitter pill to swallow. But I was able to understand that while she still loved Jared, they were simply echoes from a past life. I knew that she considered me as her true partner; her love for me did not come from any outside influence. It was all _her_. I also understood that she would need time to move past her feelings for Jared so that she could be with me completely and so I gave it to her, although it was an incredibly difficult thing to do. It seemed like both Jared and Melanie were having a hard time adjusting too. There were times when Melanie would brush her hand against my arm and then jerk away as if my skin had burned her. And there were times when Jared would stare at Wanda as if he were searching for something, although I wasn't sure what. I think I was the only one who didn't feel conflicted. It was weird seeing Melanie's face without Wanda's expressions on it, or being around her and hearing her words instead of Wanda's, but it only cemented what I already knew. I was not in love Melanie or her body, although she was very beautiful. I loved only Wanda. She did not share the space in my heart with anyone else.

The rains came soon after that and they seemed to wash away all of the problems in the caves. Sharon and Doc, who had been fighting since Wanda had arrived, finally made up after only one night in the rec room. And I was hoping to start my relationship with Wanda soon, although I was inexplicably nervous about talking to her. It was silly, but I wasn't sure if she would be able to love me in her new body. Jamie must have decided to speed things up for me, because he pushed his mattress next to mine and then called Wanda over. I carried her hospital cot with me as I followed her over to our corner.

"You don't really want that cot, do you, Wanda? I'll bet we could all fit okay on the mattresses if we shoved them together," Jamie grinned as he kicked the two mattresses together. "You don't take up too much space." He took the cot from me and placed it on its side against the wall, not really giving Wanda much of a choice. Then he laid down on the very far side of the mattress with his back to us. "Oh, hey, Ian," he said without turning back to us. "I talked to Brandt and Aaron, and I think I'm going to move in with them. Well, I'm beat. Night, guys." I knew this was it. I would have to invite Wanda to move into my room now, even if I was scared that she would reject me. She would take it the wrong way if I didn't.

"Lights out," Jeb yelled from his mattress. "Everybody shut yer trap so I can get some shut-eye." A few people laughed but shut their lanterns off; they knew that Jeb wasn't joking around.

I found Wanda's hand in the dark, her touch giving me the courage I needed to just ask her already. I fell to my knees on the mattress and dragged her down with me. I kept her hand in mine as she laid down next to me in the seam of the two mattresses. "Is this okay?" I whispered.

"Yes, thank you," she said.

Jamie rolled over and knocked into Wanda. "Oops, sorry, Wanda," he murmured, yawning from exhaustion.

She shifted out of his way and bumped into me. She gasped at my touch and tried to shift out of my way, but I placed my arms around her before she could move an inch and held her against my body. She rolled over to face and whispered, "Is this okay?"

I kissed her forehead softly. "Better than okay." It felt amazing to have her back in my arms.

We were silent for a few minutes as I worked up the nerve to ask her. "Wanda, do you think…?" I trailed off, not sure if I should go on or not. Had she had enough time to move on from Jared or would she reject me?

"Yes?" she whispered.

"Well, it looks like I have a room all to myself now. That's not right."

"No. There's not enough space for you to be alone," she said.

"I don't want to be alone. But…" I would have to ask her. I couldn't let her stay with me if she was still in love with him. I didn't want to start a relationship with her when I was still second best in her mind.

"But what?" she asked. She almost sounded exasperated, as if she wanted me to just spit it already.

So I did. "Have you had enough time to sort things out yet? I don't want to rush you. I know it's confusing… with Jared…" She didn't say anything for a moment, and I was afraid that she would need more time. And then she actually started to laugh. I had no idea what she found so funny, but I intended to find out. "What?"

"I was giving _you_ time to sort things out," she said. "I didn't want to rush _you_ – because I know it's confusing. With Melanie."

I actually jumped in surprise at that. How could she think that I would have feelings for Melanie? Honestly, I hardly even knew the girl. Her body was familiar but her mind wasn't, and that made all difference to me. "You thought…? But Melanie isn't you. I was never confused."

"And Jared isn't you," she pointed out.

I didn't want Wanda to know that I was still angered by her feelings for Jared, it wasn't like she could help it, but I was unable to hide it in my voice. "But he's still Jared. And you love him."

"Jared is my past, another life," she said soothingly. "You are my present."

I found it hard to breathe then. She was trying her hardest to move on from Jared and that was all that I could ask her. "And your future, if you want that," I offered.

"Yes, please," she said.

My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest and I was unable to keep the smile off my face. I leaned down and kissed her passionately, trying to pour everything I felt for her into it. I needed her to know that I was desperate for her, and I was overjoyed by the fact that she was ready to start her life with me.

I wanted to spend every second with Wanda after that, but supplies were running low and we had to go on a raid a few days after that. We would have to drive far up north to get everything that we needed. Wanda was having trouble staying still; she was fidgeting in excitement as we drove out to the rock slide that hid all of our cars. I couldn't stop laughing at her as she bounced from foot to foot as we loaded our things into the van. That was when it happened.

We should have been more careful, and we definitely should have been quieter out here in the openness of the desert. But none of that mattered now because it was done, we had been caught. They ambushed us, coming out from behind the rock slide and shining the flashlight into our eyes and pointing their handguns at us. They knew immediately that we were human and I instinctively moved in front of Wanda, wanting to protect her from them. Who knew what they would do to her once they realized what she had shown us? I shoved my fingers in my pocket, searching for my cyanide capsule. It was so unfair, having to die like this when I had just gotten Wanda back, but I knew that I couldn't jeopardize the lives of the others in the caves.

"Steady, now, everybody just keep calm," the man in the center of the group said. It was obvious that he was the leader of this band of Seekers. "Wait, wait, don't be _swallowing_ anything! Jeez, get a grip! No, look!" He turned the flashlight on himself. He was older, with dark hair that had turned white at the temples. His skin was tan and leathery, as if he had spent too much time out in the sun. But his most glaring feature was his eyes. They were brown. Just brown. There wasn't even a hint of silver shining back at us. It was clear that he was human, even though that must have been impossible. How could there have been more humans out here in the desert? "See?" he asked. "Okay, now, you don't shoot us, and we won't shoot you. See?" He laid his gun on the ground and turned to the others in his group. "C'mon guys." They put their hands down too. "We found your cache here – clever, that; we were lucky to find it – and decided we'd hang out and make your acquaintance. It's not every day you find another rebel cell." He talked as if there were other humans out there and I felt the hope bubbling up inside of me, even though I didn't want it to. Did that mean we had even more of a chance against the aliens? He laughed and said, "Look at your faces! What? Did you think you all were the only ones still kickin'?"

We didn't even move an inch, we were all so shocked.

"Think they're in shock, Nate," one of the others said.

"We scared them half to death," one of the women said. "What do you expect?"

They waited for us to recover. Jared was the first to unthaw from our frozen state. "Who _are_ you?" he whispered.

The leader laughed again. "I'm Nate – nice to meet you, though you might not feel the same way just yet. This here's Rob, Evan, Blake, Tom, Kim, and Rachel along with me." He gestured to the others as he spoke and they nodded when he said their names. "There's twenty-two of us altogether, though." He held out his hand to Jared.

Jared took a deep breath and stepped forward. Everyone in our group exhaled at his movement, all of us coming out of our shock. "I'm Jared," he said, shaking his hand. "This is Melanie, Aaron, Brandt, Ian, and Wanda. There are thirty-seven of us altogether." I shifted in front of Wanda when he said her name. I knew the other humans wouldn't understand why she was with us, and there was no way I was going to let them hurt her. I could kill anyone that touched her.

Nate's eyes widened in shock. "Wow. That's the first time I've ever been one-upped on _that_ one."

Jared blinked and I heard Melanie gasp in shock. So there were other humans out there. For the longest time, I had thought we were the only ones still alive. It was both refreshing and a little unsettling to know that I had been wrong. "There are three other cells separate from ours that we know of. Eleven with Gail, seven with Russell, and eighteen with Max. We keep in touch. Even trade now and then," Nate laughed. "Gail's little Ellen decided she wanted to keep company with my Evan here, and Carlos took up with Russell's Cindy. And, of course, everyone needs Burns now and then – " He stopped talking abruptly and turned to look at the red-headed man standing in the back of the group, the one he hadn't introduced. I noticed that he was staring at Wanda and I tried to block his view of her.

"Might as well get that out of the way," one of the others said.

Nate looked at suspiciously and said, "Okay. Rob's right. Let's get this out there. Now, you all just take it easy and hear us out. Calmly, please. This upsets people sometimes."

"Every time," Rob muttered, his hand hovering over the holster on his thigh.

"What?" Jared asked.

Nate sighed and gestured to the red-haired man as he stepped forward. "This here is Burns. Now, he's with us, so don't go crazy. He's my best friend – saved my life a hundred times. He's one of our family, and we don't take kindly to it when people try to kill him." One of the women, I'm pretty sure it was Rachel, pulled her gun out its holster and pointed it at the ground.

"No, it's okay, Nate. See? They've got one of their own," Burns said, pointing straight at Wanda. I tensed up, ready to fight our way out of there if I had to. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt her. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's gone native." He smiled at her and then walked into the empty space between the two groups of humans with his hand stretched out to Wanda.

She stepped out from behind me and I muttered, "I don't think this is a good idea, Wanda." I didn't know if I trusted this man yet and I didn't like leaving her vulnerable to him.

He shook Wanda's hand and introduced himself. "Burns Living Flowers."

"Wanderer," she said.

"It's… extraordinary to meet you, Wanderer. And here I thought I was one of a kind."

"Not even close," Wanda said, probably thinking of the others back in the caves. Maybe Wanda wasn't as much of a freak as she seemed to think she was.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Is that so? Well, maybe there's some hope for this planet, after all."

"It's a strange world," she murmured as I moved up to her side.

"The strangest," he said. We all introduced ourselves properly then, full of the hope that we might actually be able to take our planet back after all.


End file.
